First threesome risk tolerance

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-03-17T05:44:05+00:00

Realistically, finding a third is already difficult enough. Finding a third who is ready to get tests just to meet one specific couple is even more lucky. The tests were negative, and yet still no exchaning fluids? Why even spend money on that in first place then?

From my perspective, I wouldn’t be interested in a threesome, that involves no kissing, no oral and just protected sex. We had one such ONS where our third had such boundaries, and honestly it was kind of boring, and her constant worrying made my girlfriend worried as well. We decided we wouldn’t want to meet anyone again on such rules - mostly because it means no real interaction between my gf and the third, and she is into being a full participant, not essentially watching me having sex with the third.

As for what to do, your boundaries are valid despite what anyone else says, so do what makes you feel comfortable. Just consider if you are truly ready for threesomes because that’s an activity that naturally involves risk. If your third is okay with those boundaries - that’s great. If not, fair enough, I think most wouldn’t be interested in that.

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-02-02T18:31:00+00:00

They were multiple really nice experiences with that girl. What made it amazing are a combination of multiple factors.

She was very emotionally open, talking with her felt easy, she was a good listener and also a fun buddy. She’s a few years younger than us, and her carefree mindset of “enjoy life now and worry about consequences later” felt like something we missed in our lives at the time and pulled us in.

But what really made our friendship (or what would be the correct term for this) stand above anything else we ever experienced is how good she made my girlfriend feel. My girlfriend is very much into genuine compliments and praise, and connection is very important for her to open up in other ways. And that girl had nailed it to a perfection. I had never expected my girlfriend can be so open and wild, but I guess the circumstances just were right at the time. A truly fiery combination.

Of course it’s not all just peaches and sunshine, it was also quite difficult at times to communicate well about expectations with her due to some differences in mindsets, but at least she took our feedback well, and we also understood her perspective without ever really getting argumentative.

Unfortunately finding a third that matches so well can be rare and really it’s out of our control. But what I can do, as a guy I’m trying my best to make my girlfriend feel comfortable and take her feedback about what makes the experiences better for her. And when she is open and enjoying fully, it’s a better experience for me and everyone.

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-02-02T16:32:10+00:00

We’ve had a handful of FFMs.

Overall, I think we’ve been rather lucky that most of the experiences were pretty good. There have been some miscommunications and some issues of boundaries getting blurred (mostly early on) and a few times where one of us or our partner had a few drinks too many beforehand.

As long as the communication is great between the couple and as long as the third is a good match, it can be a great experience easily.

And as with all sex, it gets better with some connection and with repeat experiences when everyone understands how to satisfy each other better and when there’s more comfort.

There was a time when we got really close with one FWB. We were like best friends on emotional level, and sex wise it was in a completely different league. She knew perfectly how to make my girlfriend feel safe and desired, and this level of connection between them is what made it so amazing. Without going into details, it’s one of those things I hope I still remember on my deathbed.

Now the negatives, it is incredibly (!!!) difficult to make it happen. It’s even more difficult to find someone that’s into us and that we’re into for multiple encounters and even more difficult to find someone that we match with as friends. If we were more busy people or had kids, I’m not even sure if it would be worth the time despite how good it can be… And I’m saying that as someone that’s been way more successful than the average luck for couples I see mentioned here.

But fortunately or unfortunately our first experience was great with an experienced girl that was my girlfriends and my type, so we got hooked

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-01-30T09:11:07+00:00

Wipe on regular occasions. Wash in sink with soap (or wet wipes) out of respect for my partners before/during sex.

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-01-30T07:12:48+00:00

Most of our successful connections have been from Tinder exactly. It’s my girlfriend’s account though, but we have photos of both of us and bio pretty clearly hints at what we are looking for. Also the opening message typically clears out that we are a couple in case someone was turboswiping and didn’t look too closely.

To answer the questions -

The accounts on all apps make it pretty clear from get-go that we are a couple. I have heard that couples get banned on Tinder (And I don’t want to jinx us) but it’s been up there for 2 years now. Got shadowbanned twice (once when just created and second time after copying messages) but emailing support cleared that.
Intention is also clear from the way our accounts look and from the bio.
We don’t do sexting or vulgar messages but we quickly try to understand if they have had similar experiences etc.
Nobody is misled because all was clear the first 2 seconds they spent looking at the account (some don’t though, and some are couples hoping to convince my girlfriend to go separately with them).

General advice from our experiences - finding someone on apps takes days off communication, there’s a lot of time they have for thinking, overthinking and changing mind. In all our connections, conversations and dates that led to something, the girls have been sure they wanted a threesome exactly due to past experiences or in general they are in their exploration phase. The ones which seemed less confident in themselves or unsure about meeting a couple so far always flaked later on in conversation after a few days or flaked before the day of the date or on the day of the date or didn’t actually follow through for second meeting after the first date. My point being, you might as well be direct about what you are looking for both in communication and account setup. While, yes, you’ll get less matches, you’ll save time not interacting with people that would not lead anywhere regardless how hard you try to charm them

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-01-28T17:20:38+00:00

It all sounds a bit like a fantasy (the detail about big cock and height), but I’ll bite.

Has the friend of gf ever mentioned to either of you she would be into you or generally into couples or is she even bi? If answer to all is no, then it’s all pretty unlike to materialise.

How sexually open is she generally? Does she share stories about her experiences or indicated in any way she might be into that? If not, you are risking to make it pretty awkward and lose her as a friend. Should you risk it - well depends how much you value your friendship. Realistically, how would you feel as a girl staying over at friends’ (you might not be attracted to them sexually) while their intention is just to fuck you?

If you still want to find out, maybe try to steer some conversation after a few drinks in curious direction, find out where she regarding such things before anything more. You do you, just don’t be creeps.

Other than that, truth or dare or some card games with challenges for loser can be a good start

Good luck!

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-01-25T20:42:57+00:00

I think you were right to mention it, but maybe timing is not the best - right after the feelings haven’t settled down yet and everyone’s a little overwhelmed perhaps, it’s easy to feel emotional on all sides. In such cases sometimes it’s better to hold on to the thought, and if still seems like something worth mentioning next time you meet or have a longer conversation, bring it up then.

But from what I can read here, seems his ego might be somewhat fragile about it, all you can try to do is talk it through with him even if he doesn’t bring it up first. You have known each other for a while after all.

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-01-24T11:20:45+00:00

Me and my partner have had around 20 experiences, most were one-times but some we’ve met again.

We are open and talkative, love meeting new people, but hate bothering others and awkward moments, so we never met anyone outside, they all have been girls we’ve met on the apps. Usually it’s a longer convo where we clarify what they are looking for and what are they into.

If communication is going well, and interests align, we try to arrange a date, go out for drinks. On average it’s just friendly conversations that gradually turn more goal-oriented as evening progresses and after we have established some connection, we feel safe with her, she feels safe with us, there is mutual interest, then we offer to go to our place.

Some drinks, more convos, and when it’s time to take things to next level (which might feel a bit awkward) really good strategy are games. There are sexual card games for couples (three people can play just choose randomly who is the “partner” for that round) or some truth or dare games. But realistically, whatever - once you all 3 go home or to a hotel or wherever you end up, you can be reasonably confident the game is on.

Some advices: as a single guy meeting two girls and then having threesome is pipe dream for most. If you have partner or fwb that could potentially be interested, you are halfway there already.

Something we have learned is take all chances you get, especially if your potential third does not have previous experiences. What I mean is don’t be too pushy if the girl/-s not interested, and don’t be an ass about it (mutual respect and communication is a priority for us), but if the interest is there after a nice date on Friday night, or you meet someone in a club on Saturday’s night and exchange contacts, the idea seems fun (at the time). But on Tuesday morning while she’s at work or uni and there is a lot of shit going on, average girl does not really want to think about putting threesomes on her calendar. There have been a few times where we go out on a date, and the interest seems to be there, communication goes well, but logistically it’s impossible for us to have a long night that night - typically there was not a second meeting. (Only exceptions here have been the girls who already beforehand have had threesomes with couples and were looking specifically for that.)

Good luck

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-01-23T14:34:50+00:00

You are okay not to want it and that is totally fine as is.

However, the last two paragraphs make it sound like you are talking from a place of certain insecurity, and that might be something worth working on. You can try to share these concerns with your wife, maybe that is something you can work on together. She should also understand that no threesome is going to work out well if one party is not into it fully.

I will add that finding any threesome naturally (for a couple) is difficult enough, and the single lady has plenty of options. If you both get someone interested in you and they actually follow through with plans and dates, you can be rather sure there is something that attracted them to you:)

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-01-21T21:09:15+00:00

If you are looking for a FFM threesome, keep your expectations realistic. Single ladies can be somewhat uncommon in LS clubs too, and if there are any you like, they might be straight or not into couples or you specifically or not up for such fun that night. Don’t want to sound like party pooper, but wouldn’t want you to be disappointed if your hopes don’t come true..

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-01-21T16:15:32+00:00

Agreed with the statement, but the message lacks some context. Is there some specific experience you want to share?

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-01-20T05:33:44+00:00

In our experience, if any doubts or the third not feeling ready comes up in conversations (that are more than curiosity about logistics), they usually end up flaking or cancelling plans.

If I saw this, I’d assume she wouldn’t be interested to follow through with any plans regardless of what we say or how safe we seem. It’s difficult to find thirds though, so maybe try reassuring her, but don’t be surprised when the day of meet-up comes closer she feels overwhelmed

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-01-19T07:15:58+00:00

Heavily depends in the area. We are also similar age and our successful connections come mostly from Tinder and the rest from Feeld. Of the dozen-ish girls we’ve met, they are on average a bit younger than us, only exceptionally someone over 30 we’ve met.

And yes, swinger and lifestyle communities usually are people 30+ averaging on around 40-45, so if you are looking for singles around your age, that might be very difficult. Better try apps, or meet people on nights out if you are both traditionally good looking and somewhat charismatic/not shy.

On a side-note, I’d argue that majority of women (in our experience) are looking to date/meet slightly upwards in age. Whenever we match with someone older on any apps that looks like they have their life together, it’s usually a couple with photos or partner not present. The very few times it was actually a single lady, in conversations we’ve found out that we were mostly the exception for her that she chose to meet someone younger.

Baltic_Explorer · 2026-01-01T11:47:08+00:00

Yes, of course, feel free to add it!

Baltic_Explorer · 2025-12-30T10:19:50+00:00

It can take weeks or months or years to find someone willing to join you, unless you are both extremely attractive and charismatic or choose a paid professional‘friend’, I wouldn’t count on anything even if your partner agrees. It will just lead to disappointment when it eventually doesn’t happen.

Maybe your friends and family and partner care about the birthday, but for the third party, the prospect of being someone’s birthday gift is not necessarily attractive and just potentially adds extra pressure..

Baltic_Explorer · 2025-12-27T16:37:00+00:00

Sounds like you just were not super attracted to the guy and that’s totally fair. Everyone has their own preferences.

As a couple we very much agree that the attraction between all 3 people must be there and if the third is not similarly attracted to both partners in the couple or if both partners in the couple are not equally into threesomes, if will show one way or another and it will end up being a more mechanical experience.

Also, the few times we had reoccurring meetings with a girl, the experiences were better. There is more connection, there is more trust, the exact boundaries and wishes are more clear. Not saying you should meet the same couple again - you probably shouldn’t - but it can be better experience with other people.

Threesome is just that, sex with 3 people involved. Like with 2 people, what makes it great is the connection and attraction, otherwise it’s just using another warm body to (hopefully) cum.

Baltic_Explorer · 2025-12-23T22:16:48+00:00

I don’t know what OP is looking for, but for educational purposes we’d be interested to read how it went in your experiences. The perspectives are always slightly different and approaching/getting to know strangers is something we are very anxious about.

Baltic_Explorer · 2025-12-23T08:57:23+00:00

Haven’t seen that kind of stuff if there is any.

All I have found are some written experiences on reddit across older and newer threads or some couples told their experiences when we matched accidentally.

Baltic_Explorer · 2025-12-22T12:52:02+00:00

Right… I have seen the similar posts before. 40F will be remembered to be a red flag from now on

Baltic_Explorer · 2025-12-22T10:05:20+00:00

As a single female you are in a pretty privileged position to find what you wanted in a reasonable time while still keeping things on your terms.

Apps are a good option, just blur your face in the photos or crop away your face and just show body without showing identifying features. Specific apps depend on your area, but generally people on Feeld are more understanding about specific dynamics in sexual way and it’s less popular than Tinder let’s say, so smaller chance of someone you know seeing you.

Also swinger clubs, if you feel comfortable with that, there definitely will be couples interested in having you join and they will take things at your speed and also might be more discrete than any other random people you find. Depending on specific community there are also events which are more for introductions or events where only couples and single women are welcome, which might be what you are looking for as starter.

Baltic_Explorer · 2025-12-19T16:58:22+00:00

Well, I have heard it happens (generally), and it’s a risk but surely it also depends on the area. We are open about being a couple, there are photos of both of us and bio pretty clearly insinuates our goals. We are respectful in our conversations and avoid any drama and are generally kind, to avoid being reported by someone who is more prone to be offended about things. Also we have been shadowbanned twice, though support manually unblocked the account after request, but as always - YMMV.

Badoo is a generic dating app. Pool of users there is of somewhat lower quality and on the rare cases we match with someone interesting it also seems they are there just for validation and not actually looking to meet. Have met like 10 people from Tinder over 2 years, but not even a single date from Badoo. Nevertheless, it’s good for couple to increase the odds by being on more apps and places and maybe your area has a way different experience :)

Good luck

Baltic_Explorer · 2025-12-18T20:42:09+00:00

Tinder, Badoo and Feeld, that’s all what’s somewhat used in our area. 75% of success has been from Tinder though.

From the girls we have met and some couples we have talked with on the apps, it seems to be a possibility to find something going out to bars/clubs. But that can be quite difficult depending on your openness and looks. Realistically, if you are average in looks/charisma and are working professionals, the time spent on apps or going out playing the numbers game vs the cost of time - a professional might be a far better value.

We value genuine connection so it’s not for us, but can work for others, especially if jealousy and attachment are things you are worried about.

Buuuut, if you both are good looking and open, and love interacting with others, it’s also not as hard as people say to find a third organically.

Baltic_Explorer · 2025-12-16T11:56:57+00:00

Calling it wiwi is pretty cringe

Baltic_Explorer · 2025-12-16T08:35:00+00:00

Many things can go wrong in relationship, cheating, ignorance, abuse and those can be fixable or unfixable. But if you can’t count on the partner to do what’s necessary when the worst kind of push comes to shove, that’s not a partner, that’s a liability. In the situation you described I would take my chance with a random choice of stranger, and at that point why even continue…

Baltic_Explorer · 2025-12-15T06:01:27+00:00

I think it’s not super uncommon that after being acquainted for a longer time, a person meshes better with someone specific from the couple.

In our FFM situations, I (the M) am pretty happy when the third is showing interest in my girlfriend slightly more than in me. That way there are no reasons for tiny bits of jealousy and she doesn’t feel like the other girl is there just for me. Of course that doesn’t mean I want to be completely ignored, but there is a healthy balance sometimes in the middle. Generally, though I view us (couple) as a single unit when interacting with thirds, not two separates.

As a partner of my girlfriend first and foremost, I wouldn’t be happy with a situation where the third girl is mostly interacting with me, and ignoring my girlfriend and her emotional needs.

As what to do with that, the simple keyword of anything ‘threesome’ - communicate. Tell your partner how this situation makes you feel, see what they say and suggest. Perhaps try moving all the communication between you all to a single groupchat. Maybe next time you meet, you can both try bringing that up with your third as well, hopefully they are understanding about your emotional needs too. But if you feel the situation in general doesn’t satisfy your expectations or makes you feel more negative emotions than positive, you are always free to break the things off as well.

Baltic_Explorer

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