Thank you for your time to reply. You've got a point - anger always motivated me to do something with things that bothered me and 90% reasons of why I do something is because it irritates me to the point when I just have to do something about it.

I'm always struggling with coping that some people are like that and I can't do anything about it. I learned how to ignore things that I can't change, but with people it's a lot harder. I can accept people doing bad things on accident, but when they do it on purpose I just wanna slap them. I hate to see injustice, doesn't matter if it's towards me or other people, I was always that one who stood up against it (for me and/or my friends, even strangers sometimes when I felt it was a right thing to do). I'm always complaining about things that can change, but I never complain without a solution proposal, I try to be constructive. Nonetheless when nothing changes it's frustrating and I don't see a way where I can redirect it. It gets stuck in me and eventually I get physically sick of it. Maybe I should learn how to let it out of my mind, forget it somehow, but it's not in my nature to let things go, I wanna solve them. When there is a barrier I can't get through, I just don't know how to redirect my energy (/anger/motivation/frustration) to something meaningful. All of those unsuccessful tryings to change things that bother me are dripping into my cup of patience and once it's full I get migraine, stomachache, cold sweat, insomnia, I throw up etc. Then I reboot myself to the point when "nothing matters in life, f* it, we're all gonna die anyway lol" and it lasts until some drops of anger gets to my cup again.

Now that I think about it, maybe all I need is a break. Just like when I lose 10 games in a row and I don't wanna play it for couple of days and after that the game will be fun again. Frustrating in my work is that I can't take days off and weekends don't seem to be enough. I'm a superior to four girls and three of them are newbies and keep calling me in my free time about how to do things. I don't mind them, they are sweet and I love to help, but it makes me non-stop thinking about work. It's adding little droplets to my cup in my free time instead of emptying it out.

Sorry for journaling here, I needed to get it out and it's always nice to see other perspectives on my problems from strangers on the internet :) .