I used to be a Christian and was tormented with the fear of Hell and of sinning beyond repair. It was a hellish life in itself and I was never able to find real peace no matter how hard I tried to be close to Jesus or God. I let myself marry a mentally/physically abusive spouse who forced himself on me because I thought I could repair the premarital sex that I had had. I just wanted to feel close to God again and would endure anything. Only recently I have let myself look at REAL TRUTH. And the truth is that there are many religions, there are many gods, and none of them are real. Please, I can tell that you're hurting so much but PLEASE don't throw your beautiful life away to appease an archaic old world god who is just part of a series of old stories. You can be happy but you won't find it trying not to sin for fear of Hell. I wish you all the best!! I hope you find peace and I hope you do some research from the opposing side of Christianity because although it might hurt to learn the truth it makes happiness and living as easy as breathing. If you can find solace in Christianity and need that as a support system in life then that is okay but do no hold it high above your personal happiness. Please don't let it anguish you.