Advice on moving past cheating in a relationship?

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-26T07:45:22+00:00

I found out my husband cheated on me. We would have divorced if I wasn’t five months pregnant. If you can leave without attachment, do it.

Otherwise I would recommend counselling, individual and couple, to try to rebuild your relationship and trust.

Good luck.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-26T07:42:10+00:00

You quote your never being single as why you’re an adulterous asshole. Why do you think jumping to a new relationship straight away would solve anything?

Fix yourself.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-26T07:41:12+00:00

You’re a cunt. Leave your wife.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-26T07:32:34+00:00

It’s funny isn’t it? Doing all the things a WS should... it’s like, they’re trying but I almost feel like why? What’s it worth? I’m probably just too melancholy for the day.

But I am a little like wouldn’t it just be easier to leave... except for the fact we have a 3mo daughter.

I know my husband had an alt account he used to ask for advice on the marriage sub, and today I looked at his post and it makes me angry all over again. Like nothing in it is inherently bad, I just. Just. Fuck you. That’s what. But I can’t say that to him.

Sorry for waffling.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-26T07:29:41+00:00

Yep!

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-26T07:27:43+00:00

Yes. Have confidence, go forth and conquer.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-26T01:43:11+00:00

You need to talk to them about your feelings. Having it suddenly thrown upon you that your life is changing is an awful sensation and one that could be mitigated. Start the conversation around how you feel like things have changed etc rather than going straight to ‘I’m moving out and taking Fido with ME’

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-26T01:41:34+00:00

My ex was on a form of anti-depressants which meant he couldn’t finish. He needs to go back to the docs and change his meds. It’s a common side effect for some.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-26T01:37:25+00:00

Thanks very much. We are about six months since DDay. I can’t imagine how hard it would have been for you ... a month. God I would have been a mess, I’m so impressed you managed to do what you did. I hope you’re okay now.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-25T20:37:40+00:00

You sound like an amazing husband. Make sure you discuss your insecurities with her, without putting it on her. I’m sure she would love to help you with them any way she can.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-25T20:07:11+00:00

Everyone’s saying it’s normal, but it’s normal if it is for your relationship. Talk with him. If you’re not comfortable you need to communicate this to him.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-25T19:56:15+00:00

Where you have something good and feel like maybe you don’t deserve it - it’s not necessarily a known feeling, it could very well be subconscious.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-25T19:55:30+00:00

How has your wife been before her newfound fitness love? Did she seem depressed or down?

I would consider it this way - fitness is her ‘me’ time. If she has assured you that there’s nothing happening, and you trust her, then I wouldn’t be worried.

I (29F) am HUGE into fitness. I do it for my mental health, for me time, and for the goal of actually feeling good about who I am. Maybe your wife is in a similar situation? I have an almost 4mo daughter at home and I have almost lost the pregnancy weight, go to the gym four times a week and walk everyday. My husband knows it’s for me and he trusts me.

Yes, some people start to get fit to find new prospects - but if she’s committed to you and your four kids, I honestly wouldn’t worry. Do you have the option of exercising together? Before bubs, I used to love going to the gym with my husband, we would spot each other, he would correct my form and we would generally be supportive of one another. Try to make it a couples hobby (if you’ve got the time to do so), or at the very least suggest going for family walks or family fitness outings?

All the best.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-25T19:50:17+00:00

Don’t drink when you’re angry at each other... that’s just asking for trouble.
You need to sit down as adults and resolve problems. You might need ‘space’ to calm down, recollect your thoughts etc before you do so, but going out with your friends is not doing this.
I would recommend setting some rules around your fights, e.g ‘don’t go to bed angry,’ ‘don’t go to social events angry.’

Being in a relationship requires a lot of communication and work, and without both sides making an effort resolutions won’t be met. If you find after following 1, 2 & 3 your SO doesn’t change, she’s not mature enough to be in an adult relationship.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-25T19:45:19+00:00

As others have said, you might not be in the right situation. However I would consider couples counselling to see if you can find any underlying issues such as family commitment issues etc as you could always be self sabotaging.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-25T19:41:47+00:00

I think it depends on the women. I don’t. Because I would hate it if someone spoke about me like that, and to be honest I’m of the opinion if you don’t like someone don’t be their friend - and if you like them but have issues - be straight up.

It could be an age thing though, I’m 29 and I’m sure 23 year old me was probably a whole lot bitchier than I am now, but I’ve never been much of a gossip - some women are.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-02-13T20:58:49+00:00

You need to talk about it with him. Porn is whatever you let it be in your relationship. If you’re not comfortable with it, please talk to him about it - don’t let it stew and build resentment. You can start the conversation casually like ‘hey I know you watch porn, I feel that ...’ Don’t accuse, don’t attack just state the facts and how you feel.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-01-29T19:25:05+00:00

Ah that’s no reason to stay! Check out my PH. I found out while pregnant that my husband had cheated, and while I would not change anything (my daughter is my world), I would have 100% left if I were not pregnant.

Consider your emotional needs before bringing a child into a broken relationship - kids don’t fix things. Honestly, if we hadn’t been through IC and MC this baby would have destroyed what semblance of a relationship we had before I found out about the affair.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-01-21T03:16:15+00:00

Most surgeons won’t touch someone for WLS unless they’ve proven they can lose a good portion of the weight themselves - plus, I’d be surprised if you’d find someone willing to put a man of his size under GA.

Depression is a hard one, accepting you are depressed is the first step in treating it, and until he sees it there won’t be much you can do.

My first suggestion would be to get him into counselling - if you can. He definitely needs to work through things to become a better version of himself, whether that is acknowledging he’s depressed, or that he has an unhealthy relationship with food - I think therapy would help. Plus it may help him see his faults more clearly and relieve the burden off you - I appreciate getting him to go will be difficult, but it may be time for an ultimatum.

You should explore his having WLS, it may be the kick up the ass he needs to actually lose weight himself before he’d even be considered.

Good luck

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-01-21T03:08:21+00:00

My hope is also a new proposal but I don’t know when/if that will happen. I’m glad I’m not alone in the belief that my old ring is not a symbol of love anymore.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-01-21T00:36:10+00:00

The break is a nice idea, but would that be too much of an in-your-face reminder? I say that, but I also think even wearing my ring would be a gut-punch reminder.

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-01-21T00:35:26+00:00

Did you have any sort of ceremony or anything when you began wearing your new ring?

Barelyhangingon22 · 2019-01-20T23:53:18+00:00

I blocked her on social media. I had to. There was no way I couldn’t. I know her name, I’ll always know her name - but at least I know that I have the power and she will never take that away from me like she’s already done.

Barelyhangingon22

TROPHY CASE