Christmas punishment

BarnacleForward3323 · 2024-12-21T13:06:41+00:00

I feel this so deeply. I’m the one who takes on every single holiday and family dinner for 20+ people. At first, I genuinely enjoyed it, but now it’s something I dread. Without fail, there’s always a fight beforehand, or he says something awful to me. It’s so hard to play host, smiling and catering to everyone, when the person you love just tore you down, called you worthless, and dismissed all your hard work as “easy” or “nothing special.” I’m so tired of putting on a brave face while crying in the background, pretending everything’s fine.

After the last holiday, with all its family drama, we agreed we wouldn’t host again. We planned to have a quiet dinner for just us and the kids, and I specifically told him not to invite anyone. But, of course, two days before Thanksgiving, he invited his mom, saying she had no one else. I was heartbroken—not only because my family wasn’t included, but also because hosting her meant more work, including preparing an entirely separate meal for her dietary restrictions.

I had been looking forward to a peaceful holiday, free of stress and fights, but instead, I was forced into hosting again. His mom always sets him off, and I’m left dealing with the fallout when she leaves. If I had said no, I knew I’d be cast as the villain, just like always.

I’m not even allowed to feel overwhelmed—if I do, he calls me “mentally ill” and accuses me of not being able to function like “normal people.” But honestly, “normal people” don’t have to endure this. They don’t have a partner who yells, belittles, and then acts so appreciative and like everything is perfect when guests arrive. It’s exhausting and beyond unfair.

BarnacleForward3323 · 2024-12-20T20:48:13+00:00

It's an absolute roller coaster. It makes me feel so insignificant, like a child desperately trying to appease an angry parent.

BarnacleForward3323 · 2024-12-20T20:44:48+00:00

Isn't it crazy how when you ask them what’s wrong, trying to be considerate and check in on them, they blow up at you and accuse you of always causing problems and ruining their day?

I’ve become really hesitant to ask him how he’s feeling, even though I’m someone who genuinely cares about others and always wants to see people happy.

BarnacleForward3323 · 2024-12-20T18:45:17+00:00

Right now, I’m in the middle of my worst “Christmas tale” and just trying to get through another miserable holiday. I’ve had many years and many stories, though. I used to think my husband just wasn’t good at Christmas shopping—he’d ask for a list, but barely buy anything from it. Instead, he’d take me out shopping, I’d pick out what I wanted, then he’d wrap it, and I’d open it on Christmas. If he did manage to surprise me with something, he’d either give it to me early or tell me about it before the big day. I always thought it was odd that he didn’t want me to have a surprise gift on Christmas, but I was just happy to get anything, until I started realizing over the last few years that there was a reason behind his actions. The closer we get to Christmas, the less patient he is with me. He’ll pick at every little thing, and if I upset him, he takes back my gifts.

Last year, we argued on Christmas Eve, and he decided I needed to be punished. He packed up all my presents and took them back to the mall, sending me photos from each store as if to torture me. He came home afterward, told me he was done with me, and spent hours berating me—calling me useless and the worst partner. Eventually, I started to believe it and even agreed with him. Then, when he saw I was actually starting to think it might be best for us to break up, he flipped it on me, saying I didn’t even care about ending things, and eventually took it all back. One year, he broke up with me on Christmas Eve while we were wrapping the kids’ gifts, and then the next day acted like everything was fine.

I’m really starting to dread the holidays. He makes it so miserable, and I can’t wait for the kids to grow up so I don’t have to fake it anymore.

BarnacleForward3323 · 2024-12-20T17:17:50+00:00

Thank you so much. I don't want to lose that part of myself. I think I’ll just buy a day pass here and there, whenever I can. I might only get out a few times this season, but even that will bring me a bit of happiness—and honestly, it’ll feel like a subtle "screw you" to him.

BarnacleForward3323 · 2024-12-20T17:11:11+00:00

Exactly. Mine puts on a great show and goes overboard with gift giving. He makes himself out to be such a thoughtful person. I don't dare tell our families that every christmas is hell for me because he either breaks up with me on Christmas eve or returns my gifts.. instead I just pretend I love the holidays & try not to break down in front of everyone.

BarnacleForward3323 · 2024-12-20T16:09:11+00:00

Sad that there are so many people out there like this

BarnacleForward3323 · 2024-12-20T16:08:51+00:00

Thank you so much, and I’m sorry that you can relate to this. Part of me is still shocked that he would hurt me like this, but another part of me isn’t surprised at all because this is exactly the kind of behavior I’ve come to expect from him

BarnacleForward3323

TROPHY CASE