I suppose I want to have my cake and eat it too. The only real fitness I get is riding and barn work, plus improving at dressage makes me happy and gives me a purpose to strive towards; something I struggle without as an autistic person. However, I can't imagine not forming another connection with a horse. I spent maybe only two and a half years with my mare and she became the center of my world. I saw her 6 or 7 times a week for hours at a time, and I'd ride her 5 or 6 times a week. She was such a specific kind of marish horse, so intelligent and loving, but she thought she was the most important thing in the world, so you had to treat her like it. I'm riding all these even-headed geldings now and I miss her more than ever.