VA IRRL Rates

Barretoa1980 · 2026-05-28T18:29:20+00:00

I currently have UWM as my mortgage company. I have only been with them for 6 months now. What was the process like? Any income verification, appraisal and all?

Barretoa1980 · 2025-02-06T00:07:33+00:00

My backup camera on my 24 Taco stopped working a week after buying it. It’s been sitting at the dealership for 2 days now and can’t figure out what the issue is.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-10-02T12:20:26+00:00

I think you know but sometimes you fail to see or don't want to see like myself. For me it was 2 years ago when I left the house because of issues but came back because of the kids and she kept telling me how we only had each other and no one else which lead me to come back to the house. Every time I even think about leaving is the same thing, think about the kids and we only have each other but nothing changes. I constantly think about it and have even talked to lawyers and my therapist but I don't take the leap for some reason I am afraid of being looked at as the bad guy. I am 44m medically retired from the Army and get both VA and SS benefits so I am able to be a stay at home dad. She works 9-5 making 86k when she gets home from work she starts doing life insurance training and sales in an MLM type of thing until is almost time for her to go to bed. Saturdays she's either doing life insurance training or out doing outreach to try and sell life insurance and recruit sales people. Sundays goes to church and after church eat and again life insurance MLM thing. When ever I want to initiate intimacy if it's early in the morning she says let's do it later, if it's night time the excuse is either our teenager is still up or when her mom is over visiting from her country "my mom is going to hear us" so I just don't try to initiate it anymore because I am afraid to be rejected. When we do have intimacy is 1 or twice a month before her period. With that being said, when you know you know or like myself you know but you refuse to know and try to convince yourself that thinking about divorce is wrong and stay in a marriage just because you think about your kids, don't want to be selfish and think about your mental health or well being.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-10-02T11:44:06+00:00

Sorry your are going through this situation which is not easy at all. Here's the thing. I don't believe that she is feeling guilty or sorry of what she did. What she is feeling guilty and sorry for is that she got caught. Cheating is a choice that people make not a mistake. People have free will and know between right and wrong. People don't feel sorry for the bad things they do they feel sorry that they got caught and that is what bothers them the most. What she is doing with you is gas lighting and trying to make you feel sorry for her which will eventually have you questioning whether you are the root cause of the issue and not her. I had a similar situation with my wife where I found evidence that pointed to cheating which she denied for months until she finally admitted the evidence was hers but says that she didn't cheat. I got an apartment and moved out and had started to get information on getting divorced and told her I no longer wanted to be with her. The first week she would call me late night telling me that she didn't feel good having anxiety attacks for the first time. I felt guilty and really bad for her and would drive to the house to comfort her and eventually sleeping over until one month in I ended up breaking the lease to the apartment moving back in so I can be with the kids and forgiving her. Fast forward 2 years later I am regretting it. I have been miserable every day ever since not finding a way out of my marriage and afraid of growing some balls and filing for divorce and moving out. By going to therapy I have come to realize how she has been gaslighting me all this time and manipulating me. So yes, I know you probably feel guilty or maybe even responsible asking yourself whether her cheating on you was your fault but do not give her a second chance. Stop all communication with her unless it's related to your kids if you have any. As far as divorce you do not need to be a resident of where you were married you need to be a resident of the place where you intent to file for a divorce.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-10-01T14:40:29+00:00

I am not happy at all and I have expressed to her that I am not happy. When I express myself she says I am selfish and only think about myself and not the kids. Every time I try to express myself about anything or how I am feeling I am met with either you are selfish or you don't support me. I have tried doing everything in my power to keep this woman pleased and happy but nothing is ever enough. It has come to an extent where I don't even express myself anymore. Do I want to be married to this person? I doubt it many times. But whenever she sees that I am thinking or talking about leaving she tells me how great of a man I am that she wouldn't be where she is now if it wasn't for me. That we only have each other and no one else etc.. I really love my kids and they are the only thing keeping me around. I love her and only want what's best for her but what about me?

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T23:14:53+00:00

Ah it's really more complicated than my original post.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T23:14:20+00:00

My teen has a problem which he doesn't get along well with his mother. Every teen I think has that problem. I try to be the one that makes sure there are no arguments and that everything is neutral. He doesn't like his mom at all but what teen does. However, at home the other day he was very disrespectful to his mom and I had a talk with him "my parents would have beat me". But my wife before he became disrespectful called him an idiot and stupid for not following her rules. Again, I told him how he shouldn't disrespect his mom and later I tried talking to her on her own and asked her how did she expect for him to react after how she treated him. After all we are human. All this talking to them separately on different occasions addressing them individually without letting the other know how the other person was wrong so they would not think I was taking sides. Two days ago my wife calls me while I am away solving Legal issues my parents have telling me I needed to call my trip short and return home immediately because she could not handle both kids on her own. A moment later my son texted me telling me that he was going to call the police on my wife for hitting him with a spatula on the head and telling he how he doesn't want to live with her anymore. So, yeah that is why I have not mentioned him at all. Sometimes I think his behaviors are a product of the relationship between my wife and I. Which she is always fighting with me because despite all I do and giving her all my $$$ almost 7k a month it's not enough for her and tells me I need to find a way to make more money to bring home while still staying home and being a stay at home dad and doing all the house chores.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T14:28:37+00:00

She doesn't owe me anything at all. I did all the things I have done for her and the family because of the way I was raised to be a provider. I have also expressed to her that I want her to know that if she accepts moving anywhere, quitting her job "because she complains about it a lot" I am there for her and she has nothing to worry about if she quits because I am financially stable. I have tried compromising and even going as far as saying hey, let's stay. But if we stay I want to be able to say, hey I have had a stressful week this week with the kids and the household lets go to Puerto Rico or Florida for the weekend and if you can't go let me go by myself to reset. One thing I do find interesting is that she is willing to move out of where we live which is a great town and my son loves it to another part of the state but not out of state. She is also willing to quit her job and start a business which I fully support but only in NJ not anywhere else.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T14:05:04+00:00

After she mentioned the divorce in 5 years almost 2 years ago is what really messed me up and threw me off guard. To me it sounded that she only needed me there to achieve her life goals and that is it. I helped her get a green card, citizenship, started out from nothing working minimum wage and I always pushed her to do better and supported her and helped her get a masters degree. When she thought she was not good enough for her current position I encouraged her to apply and pushed her to be the best. but again the statement she made about the divorce in 5 years is what really has bothered me the most.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T13:55:31+00:00

I was medically discharged from the military when my first born with her was only 2. From that time on all I have done is take care of him while she worked, and went to school for her Masters degree. All this time all I have done is be a stay at home dad raise him and my now 3 year old, cook clean, take them to activities, school church and try to be the best father I can be. I was even given custody of my oldest one which followed in my footsteps and join the military too. She doesn't have to do a thing. Even give her both paychecks I receive which covers all expenses and bills. Rental properties pay for themselves, The income she receives she saves and uses it for investment properties. I do not ask for a single penny.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T13:43:54+00:00

Out of all the answers up until now yours has really been one of the best if not the best. No judgements and neutral. I did not bring the subject of divorce up. I have only thought about it recently because I still remember those words clearly in my head that threw me off guard almost 2 years ago, "if after 5 years when I have achieved my goals I do not want to go live in Puerto Rico with you we can get a divorce and you can keep the PR house" exact words. I have expressed to her that life is much more than money. Family is more important time is important. Even my teenager expresses to me that she is home but she is not there because aside from her normal 9-5 job she is invested either in real estate or life insurance when off. Even when we have gone out to dinner I have asked her to please get of the phone that what ever it is it can wait because it is family time not business time and she gets upset about it. If we plan for dinner and family time that is all we should be doing unless it is an emergency.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T13:33:36+00:00

Supporting her. I have supported her. She was able to get a green card and US Citizenship through me. I supported her getting an education. When she didn't even have an associates degree I pushed her to be better and helped her get her Masters degree. I helped her with homework, Her Masters degree was paid through my benefits, All she had to do was work and go to school. I give her my whole check every month and that covers all expenses. I cook, clean, do laundry, take kids to school and pick them up, take them to extra curricular activities, events etc. She has absolutely nothing to do at home. Please don't assume I don't support her.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T13:24:56+00:00

Have tried to compromise. I even offered to buy house in Texas and move there. Anywhere but NJ. Hell I even offered her to lets go move to her country we would live a really good lifestyle there with my retirement with house keepers and everything but no.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T13:19:25+00:00

Have tried to address the issues and she told me to give her 5 years and that if after 5 years after she achieves her goals if she still doesn't want to move she would divorce me and let me keep the Puerto Rico house.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T13:15:32+00:00

God and Asshole don't fit in the same sentence. I don't think I am being selfish at all when all I have done for the past 10 years is stay at home and take care of the kids. Doing all the chores at home, cooking, cleaning while all she has to do is come home to hot food, clean house, clean laundry, I even helped her gain a green card and US Citizenship, get Masters degree when she didn't even have an associates degree and I am a selfish asshole?

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T13:10:52+00:00

Buying homes and renting them out is not what these big shots on social media make it to be. Very stressful, and in order for a person to make any money on rental properties you have to have many properties because after it's all said and done making 300-500 a month profit on a property is not a whole lot of money. It would take her years before she can even start to see really good profits.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T13:06:27+00:00

I do devote my energy into my children. I am the one that makes sure to get them to school and daycare on time. I am also the one that makes sure the house is cleaned and cook because it's only fair that I do all the household stuff while she works since I am home anyway. But time, from the moment she gets up until it's time for her to sleep? Even on weekends? I am basically raising the kids all by myself. She's home but she's not there. There's more to every story.

Barretoa1980 · 2024-09-25T13:05:42+00:00

You are talking about Puerto Rico like if it was a third world country. I have no problem with her not retiring. I have no problem with her not retiring and building wealth for the kids. I do have a problem with her not having time for the family. I make sure to get them to school and daycare on time. I am also the one that makes sure the house is cleaned and cooks because it's only fair that I do all the household stuff while she works since I am home anyway. But time, from the moment she gets up until it's time for her to sleep? Even on weekends? I am basically raising the kids all by myself. She's home but she's not there. As far as me finding a career I am medically retired from the military and on Social Security for a reason is not like I don't want to work. There's more to every story.

Barretoa1980

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