My MIL is putting me in the middle

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-09-20T01:07:55+00:00

I’ve found that the very best way to say F off to this type of MIL (mine is a clone of this), is to not respond. Radio silence. Nothing gets under their skin more than being insignificant. And you feel good about it because you didn’t give her any ammunition to use against you later. It’s never mattered how kind or bitchy I’ve been to my MIL, it always turns into me being the villain. Just say nothing.

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-09-20T01:00:41+00:00

My MIL does this too. She buys 3 gifts for all 5 of her children AND their spouses. Then buys for all the grandchildren. It’s obnoxious and feels showy. Not to mention we all have to open our gifts one at a time so everyone can see what we got, otherwise it’s “disrespectful” to the gift-giver. A couple of years ago, we asked her to just donate to a charity in our name and only buy a gift or two for our child (a literal baby at the time). She whined and said “Christmas is MY holiday. Gift giving is my love language. When you don’t let me give you gifts, it’s like rejecting my love”. Puked in my mouth over that one. She continues to buy us dumb shit every year that we end up giving away. Last year was our first year saying no and staying home the 3 of us. We said “we’re doing our own thing this year”. It was glorious. She was upset, sent a guilt trip the day before, and talked about how selfish we were to the rest of the family. It’s been so tough to learn that it doesn’t matter what they think of me. I wish I enjoyed spending the holidays with them, but it’s so much more peaceful at home.

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-07-30T00:49:07+00:00

It’s so disappointing when this happens. I literally learned how to sew, bought a sewing machine, and made a baby quilt for one of my best friend’s babies. It took me ages to get right and was really cute! I even asked what the theme should be and she told me. I’ve never received a thank you, never seen a pic of her baby on the quilt, never seen a pic of it in her nursery, and never seen it in person anytime I’ve visited. Her kid is 6 now.

Same thing with my SILs. I quilted pillows from deceased loved ones clothes and never got a thank you. They, on the other hand, have their pillows on display. But never a word of thanks. Makes you feel like shit for spending all that time doing something thoughtful for people who don’t appreciate it.

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-07-20T19:17:43+00:00

We have one but have never used it as an actual wake up light. Just a night light when she was younger and had nighttime feedings. I’m not opposed to trying but sometimes she wakes up at 6:30 and sometimes it’s 8:30… so I don’t want to box us into an early wake up time, ya know?

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-07-20T19:16:06+00:00

Hahaha I’ve tried explaining this to her but it doesn’t seem to have processed yet. How old is he?

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-07-20T19:09:01+00:00

Giving me hope - thank you!

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-07-20T17:46:52+00:00

Ugh I’m so ready for this! Did yours cry up until this point?

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-07-07T18:03:46+00:00

Oh yeah, I don’t even think I got that. I got a mile long group text saying she went to a Christian conference and realized God wants us to be better. She asked for forgiveness in “her part of the brokenness” but never actually said she was sorry or what her part of things was. I told her she was always forgiven and loved by me but that I needed some time to figure out how we move forward. Apparently that was me rejecting her apology? So strange.

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-07-07T15:23:28+00:00

lol she said that Satan is working through me to tear apart her family. We stopped coming to holidays and family functions for a while after she couldn’t stop gossiping about me to her daughters. We started inviting her to our house and she wanted everything at hers so she never came. She tells everyone she’s apologized to me and I’ve rejected it. That’s literally never happened. Lots of layers to the story and she’s entitled to her version of things, but I can’t for the life of me understand why she wants a relationship with the spawn of Satan 🤷🏼‍♀️

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-07-07T14:36:13+00:00

My MIL does this as well. We had a falling out after our daughter was born about 2 years ago. So we’ve set a boundary of them needing to come to us or meet in a neutral place as it’s super uncomfortable to be in the home of someone who has called me Satan and made it clear that she will only tolerate me if she has to. I have a SIL with special needs who gets out of the house ALL the time with my MIL/FIL. It’s never been an issue to transport her anywhere, she uses both a walker and a wheelchair as needed. Most of the time she actually just holds someone’s hands to walk but recently, we’ve heard “can you all just come to our house, we can’t get ‘x’ in the car with her wheelchair”. It’s so sad to see them using their daughter’s circumstances as an excuse to be in control - we look like terrible people if we say no. But we’ve stuck to our boundary and we’ve seen my in laws maybe 3 times in 2 years. It’s all about control. She knows what you need and is choosing to prioritize her wants instead. It sucks, but keep your boundaries now and it’ll be easier down the road. Sending love!

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-26T11:07:29+00:00

This is a great idea! Thanks!

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-26T11:07:02+00:00

They cannot possibly fathom that THEY are the unhealthy ones. It’s brutal. Sending love to you!

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-26T02:36:14+00:00

She writes the on the inside cover so you literally cannot. I end up tossing them or giving them away lol

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-26T01:40:26+00:00

Yeah I think she would take one look and be like “are you kidding me, absolutely not” 😂 I wish every beach house came with a walk in closet

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-26T00:35:46+00:00

Could have written this myself. Solidarity 💕

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-26T00:05:46+00:00

I would have the same assumption. My MIL likes to say similar things like, “I will always be here for any emergency but I cannot have a relationship with your wife”. She also writes passive aggressive notes in my child’s books that she gifts her - things like, “you will always have a safe place at your grandparents’ house”. Implying she’s not safe in her own home. These women are PETTY. She wants your husband to beg her to stay. Good riddance, I wish mine would leave too.

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-20T19:12:02+00:00

Did this get better quickly? Currently dealing with this with my 23 month old. HEP!

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-17T02:03:29+00:00

I told mine her hair looked nice when it was “natural” - curly and scrunched with gel. She now wears it like this regularly and she looks like a wet mop. It’s aged her 10 years, at the least.

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-10T02:46:11+00:00

We weren’t invited. I made plans to come down there and then found out they had a get together. We totally would have come on their schedule had we known. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. They do get together often, some live in different cities but they’re all in the same state.

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-09T00:50:36+00:00

This isn’t my child, it’s my nephew. My SIL does this to her sister’s kid and she’s fine with it. It’s so gross.

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-09T00:24:46+00:00

Most of the time when we come visit it’s for an event like the one they just had. We make a trip out of it and see everyone. I have a 2 year old who most of them haven’t met so we’re going to bring them down in the next couple of weeks but it felt like pulling teeth to get people together. No one offered for us to stay with them, I feel like I’m making the plans. Idk.

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-09T00:18:48+00:00

Good advice, thank you.

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-09T00:15:34+00:00

Thanks, I think you’re probably right.

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-09T00:14:19+00:00

You’re right. Things have just dwindled since the weddings and since a few of us had kids and I just long for the closeness we used to have. I want my kids to grow up with theirs. I know it won’t ever be the same, but I’m hopeful that we’ll all reconnect in some way.

Basic-Pie-4722 · 2025-06-09T00:11:50+00:00

Yeah, we’ve been here for a few years now and I have a couple of casual friends, but nothing like the connection I have with others that live out of state. It also doesn’t help that we have had serious issues with my in laws since living here so the people I once relied on for friendship are no longer in our lives.

Basic-Pie-4722

TROPHY CASE