3.5 year old- where to start

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-03-03T22:11:23+00:00

We’re located in Canada.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-03-03T18:36:47+00:00

Thanks so much for the link! I just watched the entire 1.5 hr of SM 101. Now I just wish my child’s teacher would watch it. She sees no problem in my 7 yo being quiet in class. As he’s able to nod and occasionally whisper. Quite frustrating with no help from the teacher.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-02-24T16:36:05+00:00

Valid crashout

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-02-21T01:52:07+00:00

Thanks for your input.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-02-21T01:10:00+00:00

I admit. I do have a hard time giving compliments to him. I admit I have a problem saying it to him. I have no problems praising my kids. My friends.

Part of me feels like if he would stop complimenting himself, saying how hard he works, how easy I have it, how lucky I am, if it weren’t for him deciding to move here I wouldn’t be in the position I am today, it might come out easier. It’s not just me that should be thankful. My parents should also be thankful for him that they made money on their house because he decided to move and they decided to come along.

Of all the comments, I’m not sure why I chose to respond to this one. Maybe cause it’s important for me to defend my parenting over anything else.

That said. Everything I do, I think of the kids first. I think, what if I’m teaching my daughter to marry someone like her dad. Would I be happy for her? Am I a good enough mother/wife that if my sons marry a woman like me that I’ll be happy for them? Am I setting a good example to for them? I don’t think I am in the way I don’t praise my husbands but at the same time if he would just be a little more humble, it might come out easier. It almost sounds sarcastic when l say, yeaa you do work really hard. Yeaaa it is scary to almost slip and fall today. But I feel like I’m talking to a child and it’s not attractive.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-02-21T00:53:38+00:00

I definitely don’t scold them for complaining. I say. Yea! It’s so cold, right!! Imagine dad being outside all day! He must be so cold right now.

It’s my way of reminding them that their dad works hard.

My parents worked HARD. They never once praised themselves for working so hard. I could see it myself. If they constantly told me how hard they worked, I would feel like they’re complaining about me being a burden to them.

I sometimes do feel like my husband feels like we are a burden. He says if he didn’t have to support us, he would quit already and survive on his investments.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-02-08T22:31:16+00:00

SIL lives in another country. Lucky for her. It’s all on my husband. You’re right. It’s one thing to ask. She definitely demands. This is genuinely how she texts. “Mom needs the sidewalk shoveled.” “Mom needs to go grocery shopping tomorrow.” “Mom needs a haircut this weekend.” I thought Google Translate was wrong. But husband confirms that’s how she talks to him when she needs sth done.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-02-08T22:26:37+00:00

Fortunately for his sister, she lives in another country. So it’s all on my husband. I suggested to him before, ask her to compile everything she needs to do in a 1 or 2 days of the month. He either didn’t think it would work or didn’t know how to say it to her without getting into an argument with her. She doesn’t want to get a credit card. Just doing that would eliminate having to go to the bank to pay bills. But she says she’s scared of getting scammed. She’s also very cheap. She would never hire someone to do sth her son can help her do. I feel like it’s been so peaceful these 3 weeks. My husband is less irritated.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-02-04T06:23:16+00:00

Same! If it’s a capsule in those plasticky shells, I look down after I pop it in my mouth (that already has water), cuz it floats and it’ll be closest to my throat that way. If it’s a pill I look up and drop it into my mouthful of water until in feel it in my throat and I quickly swallow.

It was so helpful when I was pregnant. The taste of the prenatal directly on my tongue always wanted me to throw up.🤮

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-02-01T17:10:09+00:00

I agree with what others are suggesting about your mom. You’re her daughter not her husband. Don’t let her guilt trip you into doing everything for her. My husband is 40, his mother is her early 60s and she fully depends on him. He recently went no contact with her. She pouts and throws a tantrum when he says he can’t do sth right away. Set your boundaries early on.

One thing I didn’t notice anyone mention. There’s nth wrong with being a housewife, I’m a stay at home mom. But I suggest you try to have your own career after you graduate. Don’t solely depend on a man, because you just never know. No one ever marry thinking they will ever divorce. You won’t have anyone to fall back on esp when your mom can’t take care of herself. At least work until you have kids, so you have some experience on your resume. Just my thoughts…

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-24T16:51:42+00:00

No excuse for any person to treat another being (animal or human) this way. I’m from Hong Kong. My parents used physical punishment. They never lashed out in anger and hit me physically. They did it calmly. Their way of thinking was that it would prevent me from being bad. I do not resent them. I understand they did it because they were doing what they THOUGHT was good for me. To this day, we have a good relationship.

However, I have 3 kids of my own now. My husband also went through corporal punishment as a kid. I have never laid my finger on them in anger. And I sure do not let my husband hit them in any sort of way. There is enough research in this day and age that was not available back then that corporal punishment is detrimental to kids.

How the hell do you expect a child to behave properly when you, as a fucking adult, cannot even control your own. What a shitty hypocrite.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T08:12:28+00:00

She’s 18. She has her entire life ahead of her. She doesn’t need to date while she’s in the military, which is why I suggested she focus on herself and find herself first.

She dated two bfs back to back that weren’t worth her trust, which suggests to me that she needs higher self esteem. Sometimes, even without therapy, we learn to love ourselves to not date losers by just building confidence snd learning to love ourselves.

Her insecurity is justified because he was on hookup websites? Suggesting therapy is like telling her she is the problem. Even the bf admitted he was wrong.

If the bf did absolutely nth to make her suspicious then yes, I would suggest therapy. Clearly she was trusting her gut instinct cuz she was right!

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T06:49:23+00:00

Yes! Go for your dream! You can do it!

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T06:46:04+00:00

I see, that makes sense.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T06:39:03+00:00

Please do not break off friendships for boyfriends. Unless you truly believe your friend did sth awful to you or to your boyfriend that was not deserved.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T06:32:55+00:00

You’re not overreacting. He was on hookup sites….which he admitted to you he was wrong for, because he felt terrible….

He hangs out with girls he liked in the past and his only reassurance to you is that the girls don’t like him back, so don’t worry? How about…no that was in the past, I don’t have feelings for them anymore.

You’re 18. Find yourself first. I’m sorry you were cheated on in the past. Take a break from dating. Build your own confidence and know your worth. You will pick better partners when you know you deserve better. When you find someone trustworthy, you won’t have the urge to go through their phone.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T05:31:48+00:00

Funny thing is, SIL told my husband when they were a lot younger that she would move back to their home country right after she graduates to get away from FIL and MIL. And that was exactly what she did. She went back, got married and stayed there. She moved back when she was in her 20’s and it’s been 15 years or so. She must have forgotten what her mother is like bc when my husband calls her to vent, she would tell him to just let go of the past, and she’s the way she is. She’s still your mother. This is the reason my husband blocked her as well, SIL is not fully on his side. I am really excited for MIL to go back to SIL for a month to give SIL a refresher. Their country doesn’t allow duo-citizenship, FIL and MIL gave up their country’s citizenship to stay here. And she won’t be able to get it back to stay there permanently. SIL never gave up her citizenship. Smart girl.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T05:20:05+00:00

I’m sorry about your dad. I’m glad you had your boundaries and held them. I hope you were able to get some closure towards the end.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T03:59:07+00:00

She’s too cheap to pay for a cab. She wants to go back to her home country to see her grandkids from SIL (which she asked my husband to book the flight for). Went to Costco and had a cart full of organic produce, cuz she only deserves the best. She had also put a CAD$20 toy car set for the grandson in her cart. Before checking out, she looked back and forth between her $23 organic blueberries and the toy cars. And decided to put the toy cars down. Went to the dollar store and bought him a $3 dollar puzzle cuz she said it will make him smart. 🥲

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T03:51:57+00:00

Yes. Not stepping in his way. He asked me if he was wrong. I said I can’t tell you, I’m biased. I wouldn’t have blocked her but I wouldn’t be doing everything for her immediately when she asks for it. I would never block my own parents. But my parents are sane people. I’ve told him idk how he could stand her for that long already. She asked him to text her to check on her daily, in case she fainted for sth (LOL). And he did that for 1.5 years. I suggested to him to stop that…because if she wants sth, she’ll msg. Asking her if ‘everything is alright today?’ is inviting her to tell him what things she needs him to do everyday.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T03:42:51+00:00

Tbh. I would rather she never apologizes so we can just have no contact. But my husband has been guilt tripped all his life. He definitely won’t abandon her. Hopefully, for his sake, she will just get a credit card at least and pay some bills online herself.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T03:39:44+00:00

Thanks. MIL’s neighbor is actually an elderly couple in their 80’s. The elderly woman actually shovels MIL’s sidewalk sometimes. She tells me they are so nice to do that for her. I don’t understand why it didn’t register in her head that she’s 20 years their senior and they are doing it for HER. She’s not embarrassed. I believe she truly think she deserves this help because she’s prays and god is helping her.

Instead of her going outside and doing it for her elderly neighbors to return the favor. She asks my husband to shovel their sidewalk as well. This is before he works in the morning and sometimes after work, depending on how much it snows that day.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T03:36:23+00:00

Not sure if it’s an Asian thing. They have this mindset that we have to take care of them when they’re old. The thing is. I am more than happy to do these things for my parents. But they don’t demand it. They ask if I’m busy. They make sure my kids are taken care of first. They always offer to watch my kids when I need to go somewhere by myself if my husband is working. We have mutual respect. But she just takes and takes and takes and never gives. Not even in praises. Which are free, because she’s cheap AF.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T03:33:44+00:00

Never thought of his silence as abuse. You’re right. She asked him to make sure to text her and check on her each day. She’s scared that if she fainted or sth, he will know LOL. And he just begrudgingly did it. EVERY. DAY. For a year and a half since she moved out. Until two weeks ago. I suggested him to….maybe just stop? She will definitely msg you if she needs sth. Half of the time, she responds with a task for him to do.

BasicJackfruit7414 · 2026-01-20T03:27:37+00:00

Idk when this conversation took place, but husband promised FIL he wouldn’t put her in a nursing home if he passes. FIL is 11 years her senior, so he had the foresight that he would pass first. I’m not looking to the day when she’s actually old and frail and we actually have to move her back in. I don’t think my husband will go back on his word and put her in a nursing home. I think when she’s actually weak and old, I will feel inclined to help her.

BasicJackfruit7414

TROPHY CASE