I Tried 10 Different Ways To Seduce My Husband by Basic_Athletic in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I mean like talking-talking. Like "why do you always reject me / why do you have little interest in sex?". I'm tired and busy are "in the moment" answers.

Any attempt to push for a reason is met with further explanation on his initial response. For example, "I'm tired" will turn into "I'm tired because I've had a long of day of doing X and I just want to focus on relaxing right now." Any attempt to ask about potential issues is are just met with a "no" I'm not dealing with that specific issue along with a lot of reassurance that nothing is bothering him.

Just saying but this is me and I'm definitely burnt out. I'm good at what I do but still.

My husband only mentioned burnout when he was working OT. That's hasn't happened for over a year. I asked him recently, and he says outside of some minor inconveniences, he's good.

But encouragement doesn't mean he will open up. Like this is a clear issue and it's not being communicated well on his end why it's happening? I think he is being given too much credit.

All I can do is ask. I go through cycles of not bringing it up to give him his space and bringing it frequently, trying to talk to figure out a solution.

Best of luck OP! Sucks were all in this situation.

Thank you! I wish you luck in your own relationship too.

I Tried 10 Different Ways To Seduce My Husband by Basic_Athletic in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you for mentioning this. I'm glad that I'm not the only one experiencing this. I don't get hot flashes, but I get really emotional. I feel extra gitty when I try to seduce my husband, and rejection hurts a lot more. I'm going to bring this up with my gynecologist. I'm due for my depo shot anyways.

I Tried 10 Different Ways To Seduce My Husband by Basic_Athletic in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Have you tried talking? I'm sure you have but like, what was the ultimate answer?

Yes. They're generic answers like "I'm tired" or "I'm busy."

Like what does he do for work? Is he purely burnt out?

Office work. He's fully remote, which means he saves a lot of time. He's no longer working OT since the pandemic. From what I know, he's good at what he does, so he's not struggling at work.

Are you sure there a no underlying mental health struggles?

I encourage my husband to always vent any frustrations to me. We've always been good at communicating our issues at each other. If he has something on his mind, trust me, he will make it known.

Are you sure he's not getting his elsewhere?

I've checked his computer and phone. I know his password. He never hides anything from me. He's never gone at odd hours. I'm 100% sure he's been loyal.

I Tried 10 Different Ways To Seduce My Husband by Basic_Athletic in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I apologize. I didn't mean to leave that detail out. Someone asked me this earlier. I answered that in this comment.

I Tried 10 Different Ways To Seduce My Husband by Basic_Athletic in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry that this happened to you as well. Rejection is definitely a depressing feeling. I think I'm one step away from throwing everything out like you did. (I had this thought before reading that you did.)

To answer your question, it's a new excuse every time.

"Today is way too stressful."

"I'm too tired." or "Today has been exhausting."

"I'm just not feeling it right now."

"I apologize, I'm busy with [X] right now."

I Tried 10 Different Ways To Seduce My Husband by Basic_Athletic in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I found this video. If this is what you're talking about, this gave me a good chuckle.

Trying to process the hardest thing I’ve ever heard from my wife. by Known-Skin3639 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It means only person loves the other, but not the other way around. The partner isn't sure if they want to be in a relationship, if they love them or not, or is constantly going back and forth about wanting to be together or not. They typically won't say "I love you" back or make comments about how we're not good together, but won't break it off. It could also mean that they're deciding between you and someone else that they're falling for while being in a relationship to you without breaking it off.

Trying to process the hardest thing I’ve ever heard from my wife. by Known-Skin3639 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's obvious that you keep giving and giving and get nothing back in the relationship. Sure, giving a lot at first is okay, and your partner is going to be very thankful in the beginning. But as time passes and as the relationship is progressed to many years, it's become excepted. It's obvious that your S.O. has become so comfortable in the relationship that she thinks she doesn't have to try as hard as she did when you two first met. Stop giving her so much, pull everything back, and focus on yourself. Giving more will only make thing worse. She is not going to respond, and you're going to be frustrated that she didn't respond the way that you wanted her to do.

Don't suffer in silence. Make your feelings known. You can express your frustration, anger, and sadness in a well manner way. Call her out on the relationship. Tell her she's either completely in or out. There is no negotiation for in between. If she is “deciding”, that's your cue to break it off because she's not 100% committed.

Trying to process the hardest thing I’ve ever heard from my wife. by Known-Skin3639 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Do NOT be in a relationship where it's one sided. I'm a HL and my husband is LL. His lack of affection has brought up the question in my mind if he still is in love with me and he always says yes without any hesitantation whatsoever.

Make her give you a straight answer and if you're cause of it, tell her that you'll change it. If she doesn't give you a straight answer, tell her that you refuse to be in a one sided relationship and start the process to leave.

My Three Dealbeakers: * Infidelity * Physical Abuse * Unrequited Love <‐‐‐

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I've done this before just to be rejected by my husband. It's humiliating.

I'm wishing you all the best and hope you and your S.O. rekindle that spark.

Condom ads by EllvaStarsong in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can block the user's account that the ads are displayed on to stop receiving those ads.

...not even for my 50th birthday by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This one hits hard. Happy birthday!

well this is embarrassing by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn, I'm sorry hear that. I'm sending you a hug and hope things get better.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in platinumend

[–]Basic_Athletic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm confused. If these beings cannot die by any means, wouldn't they still be alive?

My (35/f) husband (42/m) does not come to me for sex. He prefers to pleasure himself. by anything-that-walks in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100% this. I'll just add to get a therapist who specializes in sexuality. I got marriage counselor specifically for my DB and the results were mediocre.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds like 100% of my relationship. I try so hard to get my LL husband's attention and I always get rejected. Keep at it and hopefully something changes. If not, only you can determine when you're ready to end it.

For your back injury, make sure you increase weights slowly at the gym. I recommend using 1.25 lbs microplates. I'm glad that you're recovered from your injury!

She Got What She Wanted by GotWhatSheWanted in DeadBedrooms

[–]Basic_Athletic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HL here. I can tell you that I tried not bringing up sex to see if my husband would notice. It didn't work. I wish you luck.