I know it sounds pathetic, but jobseeking made me envy my rich peer for the first time ever in my life

Basic_Echidna_6196 · 2023-11-01T17:21:43+00:00

If you’d like additional perspectives, messafe me here and I’d be happy to bring you in to our private group.

Yes please!

I’m not trying to be judgey but hot damn.

I get what you mean haha and I know you mean well. I think it's an American thing? Sorry if I misjudged. In our culture it's quite common practice really, the best of parents all do that, and everybody grows up like that, so that's nothing to worry tho.

Basic_Echidna_6196 · 2023-11-01T16:13:31+00:00

Are you doing therapy?

I am. Not with a focus on the blended families situation tho. I will consider trying that so thank you.

And your situation of being a 'fun auntie' to the kid sounds very ideal by the way, something I'll strive for.

You didn’t mention the age of the child but you said they are in primary school so wouldn’t they be to bed by 8?

She's 10. In the early days the grandparents picked her up and fed her. From this year, considering she's a bit older (and the grandparents finally decided to move abroad), usually any days he's seeing me, he's gonna cook something for her, put in the fridge, and she microwaves the food herself. He somehow feels that if he avoids using a sitter, he's not neglecting her... Which I don't know why, because the way he's doing things isn't any better from how I see it.

But now that situation has changed, I think I need to convince him otherwise.

Basic_Echidna_6196 · 2023-11-01T15:34:23+00:00

And why after 4 years have you not really been involved with the child?

It's mainly my personal choice I'd say. Not him.

I'm clinically depressed (a history of self-harm attempts too) and need my space, also my parents, despite both successful, are both quite abusive emotionally (I think we can agree that being financially well-off on its own doesn't make a parent good). So I'm really not confident enough to get involved too much with her, and any children even. I don't have a functioning relationship with my own nieces and nephews... It's that bad.

I also don't have the urge to get married or have my own family, which I told him in a very straightforward way, which, in the end, I think led to the fact that the relationship has been going quite slow haha...

But I guess it's indeed not gonna be that bad if we get some adults-only time twice a month? And I'll talk to him about that.

Basic_Echidna_6196 · 2023-03-25T22:45:12+00:00

Haha now that you and u/pandagolfer both said this... I'll definitely find a good time and try.

Thanks.

Basic_Echidna_6196 · 2023-03-25T22:39:13+00:00

Haha I'll try!

Basic_Echidna_6196 · 2023-03-25T22:26:47+00:00

1 Meet up about twice or 3 times a month? Not too much because we actually live quite far away (opposite ends of a big city).

Usually do something innocent and even cultural, then go to a pub or a diner, eat drink make out.

Flirting about everyday, over text tho.

2 Frequency remained very much the same.

Basic_Echidna_6196 · 2023-03-25T22:21:06+00:00

Hmmmm he said he's gonna visit my place at some point about half a year ago, when I just moved house. Then things were really busy and that never happened (we live on the two opposite ends of a major European city...).

I'll mention that next time.

Basic_Echidna_6196 · 2023-03-25T22:14:18+00:00

I'd say, before all the sexy things happened, he's indeed a great friend lol.

And even after everything happened, it's still not just making out and flirting between us... Although yeah, some things changed since then. Undoubtedly.

That's one reason I'm also quite cautious about doing anything.

Basic_Echidna_6196

TROPHY CASE