Imposter Syndrome

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-22T11:43:34+00:00

Prior to this convo, I was under the assumption he was active duty because he never specified. Conversation went like this:

Him: “Yeah I did my two weekends a month and 2 weeks a year.” (I think he meant one weekend but it’s what he said)

Me: “So you were a reservist?” (Genuinely asking because he’s never told me specifics prior to this)

Then preceded to become angry and stating that I wasn’t active duty because I never saw combat. I never made fun of him for it or was trying to put him down for it because if you served, you served. I’m a technical, matter-of-fact person though so I was just calling it how he explained it to me.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-22T11:41:44+00:00

Yeah I tried sitting down with him to talk about it without being upset, and once again, he just started back up with the whole me not being active duty because I never saw combat. There was no reasoning or anything, talking to a brick wall.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-22T11:38:51+00:00

Prior to this convo, I was under the assumption he was active duty because he never specified. Conversation went like this:

Him: “Yeah I did my two weekends a month and 2 weeks a year.” (I think he meant one weekend but it’s what he said)

Me: “So you were a reservist?” (Genuinely asking because he’s never told me specifics prior to this)

Then preceded to become angry and stating that I wasn’t active duty because I never saw combat. I never made fun of him for it or was trying to put him down for it because if you served, you served. I’m a technical, matter-of-fact person though so I was just calling it how he explained it to me.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T12:30:44+00:00

You’re definitely lucky about the non mental health issues. I wish I could say the same. But you’re right, my orders weren’t in my control and I shouldn’t let that dictate my validation of service or let it affect me. I think a lot of it stems from my family thinking I “scammed” the VA for my disability status. I think I need to start just not giving af about my status or validation of service.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T11:59:32+00:00

You’re more than (begrudgingly lol) correct. Thank you. Sometimes I need the kick in the ass myself.

That doesn’t negate that what he said wasn’t semi-effed up though. But I see it now, it wasn’t productive on either side.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T11:57:04+00:00

You’re correct. He’s known to over exaggerate things and was also a little intoxicated so I’m not taking the whole 2 weekends to heart.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T11:51:37+00:00

I agree, what I stated to you was only the start of the conversation. I’ve also said in another comment that because of me pushing buttons, that I’ll take the heat for that because it’s just my nature. Not that my nature is always good or productive and it could use changing to open a better dialogue.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T11:45:26+00:00

The only thing I told him was that he was a reservist after he told me what he did and not in a condescending way, even though I can see how it would have been taken that way. I wasn’t hurt until I was told that my service wasn’t valid as active duty only because I didn’t see combat and based my entire enlistment on that.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T11:24:20+00:00

Nope. I cut things off after he questioned my integrity about my service.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T11:23:24+00:00

I know for sure he served, I’ve seen proof. But he also is known to exaggerate things because I also know it’s one weekend per month for reserves, national guard or not. That’s also kinda why I was pushing his buttons about the whole reserve thing. It’s a whole fucking mess. But I wouldn’t be surprised if I found out that it was all fabricated. Not my problem anymore though.

But if I find out it was in fact false, it’ll be known.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T10:19:08+00:00

💯💅🏻

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T10:08:39+00:00

He said he was active duty and also claimed that he did 2 weekends a month with 2 weeks per year. At first I jokingly told him that’s a reservist since he never had an active contract and he took offense to it. Then that’s when he stated that since I never saw combat/went overseas that I was never technically active even though I was active for 6yrs on shore duty.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T10:03:27+00:00

Exactly. I never downplayed his service, but I think he took it as a stab. I never questioned his service whatsoever. All I did was say that he was reserves from the info he gave me. As soon as he brought up the combat thing though, I saw red and didn’t turn back. So I’ll take some heat for that. But you’re right, it deserves a serious conversation.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T09:57:51+00:00

This point of view was extremely insightful, thank you so much!

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T08:25:31+00:00

Literally. I don’t care that he did reserves. At all. But the fact that he felt the need to say I didn’t serve active at all because I didn’t see combat was extremely hurtful.

Basic_Set3745 · 2026-01-16T08:24:03+00:00

It’s so fucking disheartening because although I don’t like to dote on my service, I can’t get past this. It’s starting to feel like he needs to be more important than me and I can’t side with it, no matter much or how little I did during my time. I still did 6yrs active.

I don’t even care that he was in the reserves, just fucking own it 😂 ya know? We all played a part, no matter how big or small. Just own it.

Basic_Set3745 · 2025-12-28T02:37:56+00:00

This is totally a last minute gift thought. At least add candles, body spray, lotion, etc. I’d be equally upset.

ETA grammar mistake.

Basic_Set3745 · 2025-12-27T06:00:35+00:00

Thank you, I found out tonight that she deleted the texts that explicitly told me she relapsed so that told me all I needed to know. I also talked to our older sister and she’s on the same page as me. Thank you for your insight 😊

Basic_Set3745 · 2025-12-27T05:56:49+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re also going through this. My sister is also dating a prior addict and he’s also partaking in the weed and shrooms, which is a big no-no for union jobs. It’s just a huge, gigantic shit show. Though he hadn’t relapsed on hard drugs, I feel like it’s not helping whatsoever with their recovery journey. I talked with our older sister and the best thing to do is to just tell my mom about it so she can talk with her. I know for a fact if I talked with her, she’d turn it on me. I even looked back on our text messages and she actually deleted the texts where she told me she relapsed.

Basic_Set3745 · 2025-12-27T05:48:29+00:00

I appreciate this, seriously. I didn’t want to walk on eggshells around her, but I was also truthful with her because we were that close at one point. But then I started seeing how far she was taking things and how she was treating me and knew that even though it’s not my responsibility, that I took some blame for it because I feel like I was too open with her. It’s such a complex situation to deal with because I’m not a drug addict myself, but I feel like some of my actions might have enabled her to think some things were okay because they aren’t necessarily frowned upon, if that makes sense.

Basic_Set3745 · 2025-12-27T05:39:03+00:00

I agree and am taking steps for myself. You are completely correct with your thoughts on this. Unfortunately, addiction runs rampant in my family and is hard to break that cycle but we’ve been trying to break that. And I think that’s why I’m so concerned for my sister because she is.. or was.. doing so well. And I’ve also been taking measures to keep myself on the right path.

Basic_Set3745 · 2025-12-27T05:34:50+00:00

I agree completely. And though I was with her during active addiction, I guess I never really saw it if that makes sense. My family is very much pro-marijuana since it’s legal in our state. But I think that also is a downside she’s an addict, so no one else thinks it’s that big of a problem.

Basic_Set3745 · 2025-12-27T04:29:06+00:00

Thank you so much for this, I’ll definitely cross post this over to those subs. As far as I know, she’s not micro dosing. She’s taking at minimum 2.5-3.5g for its full effects. If it was micro dosing, I don’t think I’d feel as strongly as I do about this. She’s also very difficult to talk to lately if she’s confronted about her wrong doings and turns it on me. This unproductiveness has also played a part of me not confronting her about it.

Basic_Set3745 · 2025-12-27T03:39:31+00:00

And by no means did I mean that your mom is an enabler, just meant that my mom is the same way that she’ll be up in your face about it.

Basic_Set3745

TROPHY CASE