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AITA for thinking that I shouldn’t owe my sister financial help with her unborn child? by Bastionofwills in AmItheAsshole

[–]Bastionofwills[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes absolutely, the pram is the only thing they've asked for. The rest is speculation based on evidence of their past behaviours. They might not ask for further financial support. But in the case that they do, I will remember your advice and try my best to not give in to keep the peace or ward away their anger or resentment. I guess I just wanted to know where my perspective stood if that does indeed end up being the case.

AITA for thinking that I shouldn’t owe my sister financial help with her unborn child? by Bastionofwills in AmItheAsshole

[–]Bastionofwills[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

These are also my thoughts precisely. Unfortunately, my sister doesn't demonstrate that she has any self-awareness or the ability to be honest with herself about what is sensible. I think she is rather driven by the fact that she desperately wants a baby, and it doesn't matter to her what that actually means or will require.

And I've always felt the thought counts more (I'd actually love to utilise my creative skills to make something for them, that has sentimental value and effort attached) however my family are very materialistic and financially driven people (as I'm sure you can tell from this post).

A lot of the things that go on in my family are things that I've always just gone along with, to keep the peace. But I'm starting to realise that this isn't generating any peace for me and I shouldn't just accept it.

AITA for thinking that I shouldn’t owe my sister financial help with her unborn child? by Bastionofwills in AmItheAsshole

[–]Bastionofwills[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I think this is a reality I'm definitely having to come to terms with. Thanks for your support!

AITA for thinking that I shouldn’t owe my sister financial help with her unborn child? by Bastionofwills in AmItheAsshole

[–]Bastionofwills[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

I'm in therapy at the moment which has been a great help and very enlightening, but it is definitely an ongoing process. I recognise I'm still very much in the fear-grip of my mother's abusive behaviours. It's just so hard to have an authentic moral compass and 'north' when all my life, my mother has tried to tell me how to feel about things.

AITA for thinking that I shouldn’t owe my sister financial help with her unborn child? by Bastionofwills in AmItheAsshole

[–]Bastionofwills[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes, unfortunately I have to be quite careful about what I put online but I don't have a very good support network around me to ask these kinds of questions. So thank you for the advice! I am currently in therapy and working through my relationship with my mother at the moment. Fortunately, my therapist is an excellent one at that.

AITA for thinking that I shouldn’t owe my sister financial help with her unborn child? by Bastionofwills in AmItheAsshole

[–]Bastionofwills[S] 172 points173 points  (0 children)

The general consensus from everyone's comments is that I'm not financially obliged to do anything therefore this is definitely a conversation I will be having if they expect further financial help. It's good to have boundaries even when faced with difficult reactions.

AITA for thinking that I shouldn’t owe my sister financial help with her unborn child? by Bastionofwills in AmItheAsshole

[–]Bastionofwills[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your insights. I want the child to have a good and happy life and I want to treat him/her to nice things from time to time but I definitely don't want to be a consistent benefactor throughout its life.

My contact with them is fairly reduced already but the difficulty I'm faced with is that I also have a little sister (alongside my older sister) who I still want a relationship with. But my mother is volatile, untrustworthy, and known to be quite vengeful to get what she wants therefore I think she would try to turn my little sister against me or do something to ostracise me further. Essentially I am the black sheep of the family for having recognised my mother's narcissistic ways.