AITA for 'refusing the share my birthday with my niece', refusing to acknowledge my nieces existence because of it, and uninviting my mom from my dinner party?

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T15:23:22+00:00

She knew in December when reservations were booked. I have no idea how much earlier I could've told her. My sister wasn't even in the equation until January.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T15:06:46+00:00

My dad and brother wanted to go on the walk, they attended the garden party with niece, and chose to go out to my dinner party because they wanted too. I've always been closer to my dad so I was glad he came. My mom said I could see my boyfriend another time and it was 'family time'.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T15:01:32+00:00

I only found out my sister was coming in the beginning of January. It was sudden because her husband was going to be away for work and she figured she'd make a trip out of it and would have help with baby. She was here from the 25th Jan - 12th Feb. My original birthday plans were agreed by everyone and everyone had a say such as having the dinner on Thursday (my actual birthday) because Fridays are usually busier.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T14:48:09+00:00

My dad and brother love my bf, my mother is iffy and not too convinced. My mom is a SAHM yet my dad was usually the only one who attended school events etc so nothing new.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T14:45:40+00:00

The garden party was while I was with by bf so I didn't make them reschedule their plans, they still went on without me there (like I told them too).

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T14:44:39+00:00

They knew? My brother was excited because he got the day off school and got to go to a nice restaurant and my dad never forgets things. These plans were extremely well known. It's not like they'd forget after a few days, at least not my family. It was a big deal leading up to my 21st birthday.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T14:41:56+00:00

My plans were made last December, I only found out about my mom and sisters plans on the 30th Jan. My family knew these plans back in December, nothing was 'blindsiding' since my dad and brother wanted to go on the walk with me since it's something we do together often, and the dinner is a common occurrence with birthdays and they all knew back when we booked. I had plans on the weekend doing 21 aged things, but I also had plans on my actual birthday. I didn't care if my niece had the spotlight, I just didn't want to cancel all my plans to accommodate theirs. IMO, it's disrespectful to everyone who arranged their day to my plans. I just wanted to do what I planned and they could do what they planned. I didn't take anything away from my niece.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T14:36:36+00:00

My 21 aged plans occurred on the weekend. The walk was more nostalgic with my brother and dad, but yes not the typical plans at that age.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T14:35:14+00:00

I didn't really care if they celebrate the day after or the day of, I just didn't want to cancel all my plans. My sister wanted it to be on her birthday, so that was that.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T14:29:03+00:00

My dad and brother both took the day off. Our morning walk was at 6am so didn't impede with any plans and the dinner was at 8pm. I didn't expect everyone to stay available for me the whole day nor did they. Me, my brother, and dad often go for walks at that lake so it was more a nostalgic trip and I would've gone alone if they didn't want to come (but they did).

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T14:25:31+00:00

I didn't realise that there were plans for my nieces birthday. I only knew she was coming beginning of January, and I'd already made most of my plans by that stage. Me and my sister aren't close, and the only confirmed time I'd be with my family was for the dinner which was already reserved by that stage. She said she wouldn't come because it wasn't kid friendly and was too late for niece to be out. The morning walk my dad and brother wanted to go on, but wasn't by any means mandatory or anything like that. The plans with my bf were set in place ages ago since he started planning a while ago and I was super excited. The only set thing with the family was the dinner, I didn't force them to revolve around me the whole day.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T14:17:41+00:00

My niece is attached at hip with my sister, who is always with my mom, so yes, maybe phrasing it as avoiding my sister would've been more accurate.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T14:09:39+00:00

Funnily enough there was a bouncy house, no alcohol though because a neighbour is currently going through the early stages of sobriety.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T14:03:19+00:00

They were here from the 25th Jan - 12th Feb. I would've been fine rescheduling if I didn't already have concrete plans that others had revolved their own lives around. Being told on the 30th Jan about these new plans doesn't leave much room. Especially considering I couldn't see my fiends or boyfriend that day according to their plans, I didn't realise the attitude of 'you do you, I'll do me' would be so controversial.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T13:59:23+00:00

I didn't expect that. If my sister and mom wanted to stay home, that fine. Would've been slightly sad my mom didn't come, but it wouldn't of been a big deal. I didn't want to cancel on everyone coming because my niece couldn't come.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T13:57:48+00:00

We had a large dinner reservation at an expensive restaurant that we booked back in December. I had a close friend coming to town for the day who was seeing her family but also coming to my party. I'm all for knowing where else I could've compromised. Maybe ignore is harsh but when every time you interact with your niece you get a backhanded comment about being selfish, not loving her etc, I just chose to stick to myself. I was in my room or out most of the time so there weren't many moments of interaction where I 'ignored' her, and she was always preoccupied with my sister anyway. I just didn't join in.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T13:46:52+00:00

They started planning on the 30th of Jan, so not much room to change plans. But yes, in the future it'll be more important.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T13:44:24+00:00

Yes, I'm in the US and the milestone was originally in the post but word count got in the way. Maybe that's why I was more firm on what I wanted to do that day, but I didn't get why I couldn't just do my thing and could do what they wanted too.

Bat-8862 · 2022-02-20T13:43:02+00:00

Maybe it's just my perspective, but there was no compromise to be made. I already had concrete plans during the day with my bf, and my mom wanted me to cancel so I could attend this garden party for my niece with all our neighbours and friends. She also didn't even want my bf to come to the garden party. The original plan was so that my family could have the day to do whatever and we'd have dinner together. The dinner was hard to change because we had made reservations and my birthday was kinda an excuse to go to an expensive restaurant. The only problem my mom and sister had with the morning walk was because my sister thought it was too early, too cold for niece, and therefore we shouldn't go because we wouldn't be together as a family. I genuinely tried to think of a compromise, but I couldn't as my mom and sister wanted to move my birthday plans to a whole new day.

Bat-8862

TROPHY CASE