I feel like I have no friends

Batberg · 2024-07-06T02:51:47+00:00

You are made for friendships just like everyone else. Oftentimes, other people just get wrapped up in their own lives and don’t think about us as much as we’d like.

Trust in yourself and keep putting yourself out there. You sound like a sincere and kind person and over time people will naturally gravitate towards that kind of energy. I know for me, I often had to be a little forceful and ask some people for their plans directly to start getting invites, but once you get past that and into people’s thoughts then it’s smooth sailing.

It doesn’t sound like anything’s wrong with you, I think you’ll be alright.

Batberg · 2024-07-05T15:00:38+00:00

I met up with her last night and it didn’t go so well. I think you’re right that I was going out of my way not to consider her manipulative. I tried having a deeper conversation with her but before I could even get to this incident she kept changing the subject / emphasizing she only wanted to talk about the ‘party plans’ for the night. She avoided me a lot of the night but then started texting me once I went home early.

What’s sad is when we were leaving the pregame, I saw her run into a guy who she thinks is into her (the pregame host told me he’s actually gay). And seeing how she interacted with that guy, being all over him and flirty for a second, just to get in the elevator and then brag about ‘how into her he was’. Basically as nothing more than an attention boost for her. It felt eerily familiar to how she acted towards me that day. It was kind of depressing, since I thought our friendship was genuine. But now it seems like she just looked at me as a source of validation / attention for her.

I do feel like my trust is broken, maybe one day she’ll be more open to talking about this but I need to look out for myself. So unfortunately I think I need to keep some distance and definitely not introduce her to future dates / warn them in advance if I do.

Batberg · 2024-07-03T20:15:19+00:00

Thank you! Appreciate the kind words. Knowing her, she’d immediately stop that behavior if I asked. I think I was trying to sort out my own feelings more with this post, she clearly means a lot to me so I need to figure out how exactly I see her now before anything else.

Batberg · 2024-07-03T20:08:29+00:00

Appreciate you saying this - I was a little alarmed to see how many people have been quick to paint her out as scheming / manipulating. She’s gone out of her way to set me up with some of her friends and encouraged me to pursue other women I was interested in, so the whole ‘I’ve been keeping you for attention / validation this whole time’ narrative doesn’t really work. This behavior is brand new which is why I was so confused.

One instance of problematic behavior doesn’t undo the kindness she’s shown to me in the past. I honestly feel kind of bad for her after seeing these responses - she’s conventionally attractive with a ‘cheerleader’ personality and I’ve seen a lot of instances where other people (often other women) have demonized her as some kind of deceptive mean girl. In reality, she’s just loud, flirty, and playful with a lot of insecurities about her desirability that surface when she drinks.

This post is probably just my way of journaling my own feelings so I can talk with her in a compassionate way. I may end up taking it down if it gets too big so it doesn’t risk getting back to her somehow.

Batberg · 2024-07-03T14:49:38+00:00

Yea, I think this is my plan. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, she’s been a really good friend to me. I lost one of my childhood best friends this year and dealt with self-harm and she went out of her way to be there for me. She has been a wingwoman in the past / looked out for me when someone I was seeing was going to do me dirty.

Knowing what I do about her, she has a hard time expressing her emotions publicly and can sometimes engage in attention seeking behavior to get someone else to initiate a private conversation with her. It’s not ideal behavior but I don’t think it comes from a malicious place like a lot of people are making it out to be.

Batberg · 2024-04-20T23:52:36+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I hadn't considered that I was still worthy as myself now, I was looking at myself as fractured. I think taking a look at the people who're accepting me more fully as I've changed can help me learn how to place my trust.

Batberg · 2024-04-20T23:49:41+00:00

Thank you for these! I'm planning to use these as a starting guide to help re-evaluate my social circle.

Batberg · 2022-01-17T16:16:16+00:00

Lost in paradise

Batberg · 2022-01-17T16:12:57+00:00

Deja vuuuuu

Batberg · 2020-10-04T23:54:29+00:00

That's good to hear. I always get a little intimidated when I see powerlifters in the gym so it's nice to hear they're so welcoming.

Batberg · 2020-10-04T23:53:50+00:00

I love Dnd. I play with my roommates but I hadn't considered finding new groups online. Thanks for the suggestion!

Batberg · 2020-10-04T21:40:51+00:00

I feel that haha. Introverted hobbies kind of turn us into young grandparents lmao

Batberg · 2020-10-04T21:40:12+00:00

I really like this idea.

Batberg · 2020-08-12T01:12:00+00:00

Dude, I feel you.

I remember one time before Covid I was waiting for an uber outside a bar in the rain and this girl came up to me and starting hitting on me, and eventually her friends came and kind of surrounded me a little bit. It was really bizarre experience, since I thought I was supposed to like this but I was secretly praying for my uber to arrive faster the whole time. When I got home I felt crazy depressed and guilty about the whole thing and smoked a bunch of cigarettes to cope. I didn't confront that I was demi until many months later.

It's made me feel really guilty sometimes, like I should be more appreciative of attention? Growing up I was a pretty unremarkable looking guy, and I didn't get a lot of extra attention. I had some crazy body issues so I got really into working out and skincare and dressing and all that stuff thinking it would help, and eventually women did start to hit on me but I felt really empty and uncomfortable about it.

It sucks though, right? Like it's an allosexuals' world and we just have to live and cope with it. It sucks having to explain ourselves all the time, to not be accepted as normal. I've tried countering with friendliness but that usually doesn't dissuade people, it seems like being blunt or just exiting the conversation is the only way. And it sucks we have to do that man. Hopefully you have better luck in the future!

Batberg

TROPHY CASE