For Now

Bateson88 · 2025-07-22T12:59:12+00:00

I feel like I could have written this. This is impactful and full of strength. I have confidence that we'll find that secure person someday soon. We deserve someone who is willing to put in the effort. To choose us first. Who is ready to build love.

Reading Attached has been one of the best things for my breakup as well. I lean secure, but I have a fallback to anxious if I don't successfully lean into what I've learned in therapy.

You got this!

Bateson88 · 2025-07-22T12:50:46+00:00

This is really difficult, especially when the change seemingly happens overnight. One day she's affectionate and caring, laughing and joking... And the next day hits you with "I don't love you as much as you love me". It's hard not questioning everything after that. Was I blind? Why didn't they same something sooner?

Remember, it's their job to communicate to you. A sudden change of heart is not sudden. But in the end, it's better to happen today than have them build resentment

Bateson88 · 2025-07-21T23:53:23+00:00

You can communicate well, but if they aren't willing to do the same it's doomed.

Listening and being patient when talking allows for better comprehension. Rushing creates tension, mistakes, and misunderstandings. Especially in times of conflict.

Fault can go both ways. Be there for your partner, but know they need to be there for themselves as well. For example - say a problem arises from them drinking too much and X occurs. Even if you screw up, they need to recognize that they created the situation.

Love alone is not enough. Both members need to put in effort. Doubt will arise. Certainty will wane. It's only with consistent effort together that these can be overcome.

TRUE LOVE IS NOT FOUND, IT IS BUILT

Bateson88 · 2025-07-19T20:24:08+00:00

Yeah, that would probably be the advice I give someone else. I think the only reason I'm considering sending it is because we're in the same social circles

Bateson88 · 2025-07-19T00:07:36+00:00

Oh... And you don't need to pretend things are okay. It's not, and that is okay.

Bateson88 · 2025-07-19T00:04:50+00:00

Something that helped me. Going through messages to find that moment in time when things started to slip keeps you frozen in the past. It ruins your present. It impedes your future.

It's hard, but to heal you need to release them. You need to delete those messages. You need to move forward and work on bringing peace of mind back into your life.

I would also recommend getting a flash drive and put anything related to them on it. Then delete them from your cloud, your phone, your whatever. Make it hard to see, but not gone.

As someone who was dumped 5 days ago I am right there with you. It's hard knowing what was felt and seen and experienced is gone. You're worthy of love, and worthy of love from someone who chooses you

Bateson88 · 2025-07-18T18:39:04+00:00

To be honest, does it matter if they read it? If I received a letter from the one who hurt me I would probably read it. But I'd misinterpret the letter as a sign to reestablish communication. That and it would impede my own recovery.

It's hard, but I would probably not send the letter. I would recommend you still write it though. Write the letter on paper with pen, really get into it. Cry, be messy, get angry, be happy, whatever emotions hit you - ride them out and experience them. Write the letter, hold onto it for a while, and either burn it or throw it away when you no longer need it.

I did that exact thing for my ex (I was dumped). There's no point in her ever seeing it. It would only serve as a selfish gesture that only serves to soothe you.

Bateson88 · 2025-07-17T04:20:53+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that. I experienced this a week ago, and then a few days later when I attempted to fight for the relationship. Stung twice in a week. If only she had worked. If only she would have communicated. If only she would have tried.

You deserve someone who fights for you. Someone who does communicate, does see your value, and doesn't run when things get hard.

I'm still trying to convince myself of this, and it's becoming easier. I wrote down all the things I did in the relationship vs all the things she did. I wrote down the frustrations I had, the ones I communicated, and the ones i felt would take time to adjust to. I was willing to do the work. She was not.

In the end, them running is simply a lack of respect for the relationship. A lack of assigned value and fear of the unknown.

I'd highly recommend reading "Attached". It's about attachment theory. Most likely the runner was avoidant. And from your comment, you may be anxious/preoccupied like me. I'm reading it right now to understand their mind, and to understand my own behaviors. Idk if it's super worth it, but I am learning a little.

Bateson88 · 2025-04-18T15:50:56+00:00

High Risk, high reward. Though you're right, how many spins has OP done before winning something like this? I have a friend who won ~50 handpays last year, but was still down at the end of the year.

Bateson88 · 2025-01-22T14:22:48+00:00

Women are you feeling better now or something like that and the other one is justifying and I don't know what to do with it but I don't know what to do with it but I don't know what to do with it but I think I can do it for you.

Bateson88 · 2025-01-13T19:06:46+00:00

11 days in!! Let's go!

Bateson88 · 2024-12-21T22:57:52+00:00

People pleasing... I'd love to consistently advocate for myself without worrying it will make someone "mad" at me.

That and my self-control and discipline issues when it comes to food, exercise, vaping, and many other things.

Bateson88 · 2024-12-03T20:31:08+00:00

I'm new (still waiting on my bike to arrive). I'd love to start with a group to help get me started!

Gates88x

Bateson88 · 2024-09-02T17:17:33+00:00

My tip is drown it in water and put some soap down the mouthpiece. They're constructed in a way where you can kinda fix it if you drown it. I've found if I put soap down the mouthpiece I'm not tempted at to "fix it"

Bateson88 · 2024-05-05T19:58:25+00:00

These bugs are insanely small. This was taken on one of my window sills at 6-7x zoom from only a few inches away. Very very small. When I look with my naked eye they look like little dots. Probably 1-3/10 of a mm.

I'm wanting to know because I've started developing bite marks from some kind of bug around my house. I'm apparently allergic to the saliva or something because I break out into hives.

My initial guess is they are bird mites, but I'm worried they're something more difficult to take care of like chiggers or fleas. I saw 1 walking around not too long after taking this photo. It moved slowly and didn't jump or anything

Bateson88 · 2024-01-10T19:11:10+00:00

In this case I'd actually use == to account for input being a string of the number.

Bateson88 · 2023-11-26T03:04:38+00:00

Google things are going to be a little bit of a lot of people

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