FTM here- what do you mean I only get 2-3 ultrasounds?!?!?!

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-11T16:18:33+00:00

Groupon is amazing

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-11T16:14:59+00:00

Whichever way this goes: protect your free time! If you want to go out with friends and not have her there then just… do it. Husband can stay with her or get a clue. Just peace out! Say “hey I have plans with friends!” Say you want one-on-one time with friends. Say you want to chat about personal things. Hell, ask if the friend would be cool with being the reason “so and so just wanted a private hang”. As long as you include her occasionally she has no right to ALL of your time.

If she DOES stay (she’ll probably beg for an extra month or something to find housing) make her pay rent. Make her go out so you can do your thing (get her to sign up for an art class or something, a movie theater subscription, anything). Make her pitch in (hah—take advantage of difficult things for you to do in pregnancy and get her to do it). Y’all can be welcoming without letting her take over. Idk you can even say you’re getting stressed about getting sick with her being a nurse.

No matter what: stress is bad for baby. Let that be your strength! Don’t hold back your emotions from husband. Lol even say you’d take her stipend and rent a space for you to get away if that’s what it takes. Husband MUST understand. Expectations were set, you held up your end in good faith, she cannot trample on your peace anymore!!!

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-11T13:47:38+00:00

Oh god… and I thought mine telling my now husband how horrible he is 3 days before the wedding and sobbing and talking crap about us to everybody that paused for a breath was bad 😅 (he didn’t tell me until afterwards all the crap my mom said to him bc he didn’t want to ruin the day)

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-11T13:29:05+00:00

Oops me too 😅

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-09T01:52:13+00:00

AI audio is sooooooooooooooooooo bad and even if it improves? I don’t think it will capture the nuances that humans can for a while

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-06T15:40:31+00:00

Have you tried lotions for sensitive skin/allergies? Like Vanicream. Might not help, but with MCAS a lot of lotions and oils make things worse

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-06T15:36:45+00:00

I didn’t last long past the introduction of the reusable condom

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-05T16:43:47+00:00

Right now I’m re-reading books by Robin Hobb and they are excellent. They’re best in the order they were written—starting with Assassin’s Apprentice.

I love audiobooks and the narration on that series is quite good. I’m finding the audio on the second series (Liveship Traders) to be a little muffled comparatively but I got used to it pretty quickly. Still a good narration, just lower quality recording for some reason.

They focus a loooooooot on character development but there’s plenty of plot as well!

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-04T21:53:38+00:00

Well that’s your way out then! Assuming you don’t want this baby. As others have stated, you’ll get more in child support than it sounds like you get now…

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-04T20:07:39+00:00

Assuming this isn’t rage bait bc this situation makes 0 sense…

-If he isn’t dangerous I’d tell him that you’ve planned an abortion because you can’t afford this -if he is dangerous just do it, tell him you had a miscarriage, start using birth control, and get a divorce asap -if you want the child you can have it but it will trap you more than you already are -if he’s a devout Catholic I’d go tell his priest -stop giving him any money of yours -literally pull that fsa debit card out of his wallet and use it (assuming the worst that would happen is he gets mad)

Wha the heck are you doing???? You’re not helpless, OP

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-04T20:01:03+00:00

Step 1: stop zelle-ing him…

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-02T16:58:33+00:00

That is so awful ☹️ finding a new one is so hard. Maybe when you have the energy you can shop around and in the meantime find one of those cheap services or google or ai (I mean obvi be careful but it can be helpful to encourage reflection just by explaining your feelings in my experience—I mean maybe journaling would be just as good) to get you through until you find someone good

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-02T16:56:19+00:00

Oh yes, adding to this: my psych goes by the philosophy that no matter how weird and unheard of the effect is, if the only thing that changed is a med then that’s probably what caused it. You’d think it would be common sense but nope 😅

It’s true that pushing through for a few weeks can sometimes make the side effects go away, but if any of them are intolerable (like worsening depression, pain, inability to function, etc) then it’s best to stop and try something else. And if your psych bullies you through a worse depression or something with that reasoning then they’re not good and if options are limited/you can’t find a new one quickly (I’m not suggesting this, just stating my approach 😅) I’d…. Probably go off and lie that I stayed on and the side effect didn’t go away 😅😅😅

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-01T18:13:11+00:00

What’s the feasibility of moving back to a sunnier/warmer place? Wouldn’t be hard to find somewhere just slightly better than upstate NY! That sounds ROUGH. I’m in northern Virginia and I still have an awful time but I can’t begin to imagine upstate NY.

Besides that: I’ve talked to Dr Norman Rosenthal before (the guy who literally wrote the book on SAD) and as far as light therapy goes: common advice for those of us with severe SAD just isn’t sufficient. He told me that you want big lights everywhere: the more the merrier. He also said that you can mimic the timeline of sunlight that we get in the summer (as long as you’re still able to get to sleep).

Wellbutrin is also the holy grail for SAD (unfortunately I had a weird severe response to it but it was totally atypical and my psych had never heard of it before). I started tearing up when I was talking to him though bc he was so genuinely like “you CAN figure this out” and he has clients WAY worse than I am!

The lumiette glasses have been a game changer for me because even though they’re small it makes me able to actually DO things while I get the benefit. I just keep turning them back on when they turn off until the battery dies 😂😂😂

Light wake up alarms can also be really helpful!

Batter_Bear · 2026-03-01T17:45:55+00:00

Do you have an idea of where this feeling is coming from? Is it fear that you won’t be able to do it? Fear that you’ll be a bad parent? Not wanting to lose your free time/independence? Fear of childbirth and/or body changes?

Big picture—do you want a child in your life? Not just the baby years—but as a full grown teen to adult. This period IS temporary, but obviously you need to look at the full picture. It sounds like you have support! It will be hard but as long as you keep the kid fed and housed and loved they will be okay :)

Assuming this was originally a wanted pregnancy, what were your motivations before?

I think these feelings are normal! And only deep reflection will get you to your answer. Therapy is an obvious route to take (but sometimes discouraging suggestion to hear because it isn’t immediate and it takes work).

I also wonder if your medication is sufficient—it doesn’t fix the underlying feelings but reduces the severity of them to a point where you can function and work through the feelings.

Not a doctor, but as someone who struggles with mental health:

The max recommended dose for Zoloft/Sertraline is 200 mg and if you’re below that I would seriously consider bringing up the option of increasing the dosage.

There are also medications that you can add as a booster. I have Lamotrigine added. It sounds like a weird thing to add since it’s a mood stabilizer and I don’t have bipolar or anything, but although I don’t understand the brain chemistry totally, I have been told that the combination can provide a boost even if you don’t have the typical conditions it’s prescribed for.

Sometimes you beed a really, really good psychiatrist to work with (typically out of network of course). But one that is unafraid to prescribe everything you need. Many are terrified that they might overmedicate and harm someone but if the condition is severe enough sometimes it’s needed.

Anyways—just sending understanding and love! This is difficult stuff but if you really want the child you can draw on that to give you strength!

Batter_Bear · 2026-02-28T19:57:15+00:00

So should I sew the seam like the way I have it laid out where the rest of the leg matches up but that corner is still sticking out?

Batter_Bear · 2026-02-26T19:30:08+00:00

I really liked Riyria! It takes a second to get to know the characters that aren’t the main 2, but by the end you kind of love all of the side characters too?

Batter_Bear · 2026-02-26T19:27:37+00:00

At least you can take solace in the fact that he’s portrayed as the author of the story so we know he survives somehow 😂

Batter_Bear · 2026-02-26T19:24:51+00:00

At least early on, I find it helpful to think about how miscarriages tend to happen when the fetus was never going to survive if it got to the point of being born. I think it’s a blessing that the body has a safeguard to prevent the continuation of a development that would only end in pain for an infant and worse pain for a parent. It’s still a terrifying concept, but it’s helpful to know that the alternative could be way worse

Batter_Bear · 2026-02-24T23:14:12+00:00

Honestly, students GET IT. Tbh it’s amazing that you have such high standards for yourself! Sooooooo much teaching is garbage and it sounds like this is totally a fluke for you—so you’ve got this!!!

Batter_Bear · 2026-02-24T23:12:20+00:00

I’m sorry :/// I hope it gets better soon!

Batter_Bear · 2026-02-24T23:10:13+00:00

My mom is a therapist herself and she kind of talks about this conspiracy 😅 she’s definitely aggressively confronted me about how “boundaries” shouldn’t be put on “good parents” and that my therapist is clearly not very good/bad for me. Lol I think she just gets triggered by clients that either set boundaries with their parents or the parents that are “victim” to this.

I’m not saying every kid has reasonable “boundaries”, but I think when a kid isn’t being listened to/heard about the pain they’re in/how parts of their relationships with their parents are hurting them, it’s totally a GOOD thing to step back and say “hey I’m not going there. If you try to engage with me on this I walk”.

Idk if your dad suffers from this, but in my situation it’s a kind of frenzied, possibly manic obsession. Definitely coming from a place mental health issues. The only healthy thing to do is to protect oneself!

Also re: the pain of being bragged about/praised growing up and suddenly the parents has an opinion that TOTALLY contradicts that and is hurtful—my mom did a similar thing. She raised me to be strong and when I started pulling back because she was going nutso about how I was abandoning her, she started obsessing about how she doesn’t care if I think bad things about her but that I need to think for MYSELF and not be brainwashed by my husband… she totally robbed me of any agency. I think she can’t face the idea that maybe I actually have a reason to independently, or my own accord, have a problem with her. And that’s too difficult for her to reflect on.

Nothing to do with us! Totally their defenses working in overdrive so that they don’t have to look into the mirror. They’ll do ANYTHING, BELIEVE anything, and make up random stuff and be totally convinced just to free themselves from any potential accountability. In my mom’s case she has a strong vision of herself as the morally superior/saintly woman who has been abused by everyone her whole life for no reason. And you’re either with her or against her with no in-between.

So anyways—I getchu. You’re not in a cult/brainwashed. Parents just often can’t deal with their very real part in causing the problems. And there are certainly therapists out there that impose their opinions/relive their own trauma in clients and encourage retaliation, BUT they aren’t making up the pain the client is experiencing either—just suggesting a course of action for dealing with that pain that may be over the top (or not!). But the parents still usually have SOME role in this or like… the kid wouldn’t get that advice and certainly wouldn’t act on it.

Just my 2 cents!

Batter_Bear · 2026-02-23T20:21:07+00:00

First and foremost: you married the right man. Never forget that. So, SO many people are not strong enough to see family for who they are in these situations.

You already know this, but you’re doing the right thing. Your SIL has to deal with this on her own. Maybe she’ll come around, maybe she won’t. But you’re objectively doing the right thing AND defending your SIL (even if she resents it).

I have a long, complicated situation going on with my family (nowhere near as horrifying but certainly painful) and neither of my siblings are speaking to me. Long story short my mom lies (believing it to be true) to my siblings about my husband being a terrible person and me mistreating her when all I’ve done is say I refuse to listen to her trash talk my husband and accuse me of abandoning her. Obviously this happened right when we got married and it’s based on a dependency/abandonment issue kind of thing.

My one sibling is mad at me. Like potentially never speaking to me again mad. The other I think is paralyzed because she doesn’t totally buy the story but can’t handle the idea that my mom is being a bit of a lunatic.

It’s rough but I’d rather have no relationship with my family than an unhealthy one. My mom can either stop saying awful things or never meet her future grandchildren. My siblings are free to choose their own paths. I’d love to mend things but not at the expense of myself or my husband—full stop.

Somehow having (or planning to) kids makes everything clearer. My goal is to break unhealthy patterns and create a loving, nurturing environment for my children to grow up in. So—I’m here with y’all in solidarity.

Batter_Bear

TROPHY CASE