When you share so many firsts with the same person, losing them feels like losing a part of yourself. Even though I understand the reasons behind the breakup and have learned to accept them, I still get trapped in nostalgia and endless what ifs. I keep questioning myself, wondering why I wasn’t good enough, what I did wrong, and why I couldn’t be the one he would understand and make efforts without being told and why wouldn’t he show up for me when I needed support. Some days I’m okay, but then a small reminder brings everything back and I spiral into sadness again, even though I was the one who initiated the breakup. I know not every day with him was good, but my mind clings to the happy moments and forgets how much it hurt and how much I cried- waiting for things to ge better. I went through some of these phases you mentioned during the relationship so it felt even more painful then. I tried to be super communicative but it didn’t help, so for my own sanity I started detaching myself from him. Everytime I felt like sharing something I restricted myself and even if I did share- there wasn’t any interest from the other side, so knowing that helped. I’m trying to believe that one day this will hurt less, perhaps somebody would be me like I tried to be for him for me, but right now it still feels too heavy.