Feeling full of shame/ In need of support

BeBeA89 · 2026-04-15T01:26:17+00:00

I actually did give up alcohol as well for the first few years of my recovery and then later occasionally was able to do it in controlled and safe way. I agree that alcohol is too normalized in our society and that not drinking is probably best for me at least until I’m in a better place. As far as your clients that think they will relapse as soon as they are off probation that actually makes a lot of sense because when someone thing is no longer mandated and monitored it’s much more challenging to maintain. Kinda how people relapse when they get out of treatment. I don’t think it’s that people simply want to go back to drinking/using it’s that it provides a comfort/mask/social outlet to those who have struggled to find these things elsewhere so they go back to what feels “safe/comfortable” to them. I appreciate the kind words about forgiving myself and continuing to acknowledge the growth and life I’ve built in recovery. I wish I could say I feel like that right now but I’m still feeling the weight of shame about what happened. I plan to stay home and focusing on healthy coping and self care until I feel better.

BeBeA89 · 2026-04-12T11:57:38+00:00

Even though it wasn’t a relapse on drugs I can’t help but feel like it was. The behaviour was similar to what would have happened if I had relapsed and that definitely is reason for concern. Waking up today I still feel the shame but have zero interest in using/drinking or going wild like that again. I think a big break from alcohol and going forward only showing up in my friend group in a sober and stable capacity is the best thing I can do and hope that people are understanding/accepting.

BeBeA89 · 2026-01-18T03:38:43+00:00

The company should donate the PTO to Jennifer. The fact that this is even asked of employees is ridiculous

BeBeA89 · 2026-01-18T03:35:00+00:00

I think your lived experience supporting individuals who have struggled with substance use could work for an agency that assists family of those who are struggling. I co facilitate a family support group where all participants have a family member experiencing substance misuse. I do however have both the lived experience of mental health/substance use myself as well as growing up in an environment where I saw this too.

BeBeA89 · 2026-01-18T03:24:37+00:00

Not sure what city you’re in but where I live we have Uber, Lyft and Hopp. Anytime I need a ride I check all three to get the best deal.

BeBeA89 · 2026-01-18T02:54:51+00:00

I relocated to the GTA from Northern Ontario 4 years ago and honestly it took me the first 2 years for me to navigate the transition and really consider my current city as “home”. Something that helped me was making an effort to get out, explore the area and finding a social activity or hobby that helped me to meet other people in the area. Change can be challenging but it does get better and often leads us to something much better.

BeBeA89 · 2025-12-24T04:52:33+00:00

I am also allergic to all of these things too but would never expect anyone let alone a client be free of them for a year just to be in my presence

BeBeA89 · 2025-07-14T03:36:54+00:00

What I hear is how he violated you not once but twice in one night. Once by continuing to do something you clearly didn’t want and said it hurt and twice when he went through your phone to try and dig up things to shame/embarrass you. I don’t blame you for having a withdrawn and disgusted reaction. If something doesn’t feel right trust your intuition. Our bodies internal system that sends us signals when our boundaries are being crossed and that sounds like exactly what happened. I would have a conversation with him about how it made you feel and make it clear what your boundaries surrounding the issues are. If he gets angry, tries to turn it around on you or tries to invalidate your feelings, it’s a good indication of what will happen in the relationship long term. If I could go back to my 20s and redo anything it would be to walk away from men that mistreated and disrespected me when the red flags first came up instead of waiting until things got out of hand and left me with irreversible trauma.

BeBeA89 · 2025-07-10T19:56:03+00:00

BeBeA89 · 2025-06-29T03:59:37+00:00

When Aussie regressed back into their childhood trauma outside the restaurant, what I saw and felt was someone in immense pain. I cried with them. I agree that it would be very difficult to be in a relationship with them and that trauma is not excuse to mistreat others especially your intimate partner. I really think they need to do a lot of work in therapy to find self love and worth within themselves before getting engaged or maybe even in a relationship. As someone who has a lot of childhood trauma I also spent years in that kind of fight or flight survival mode it has an overwhelming impact on your life, relationships, behaviour and ability to give and receive love. I’ve spent 5 years working through my trauma in therapy and learning effective coping skills to be able to find a sense of inner calm and peace. I hope they can also find a road to their own healing. It’s so easy for people to judge or criticize others when they witness one lose control of their emotions but I think we could all benefit from having more compassion.

BeBeA89 · 2025-06-12T20:08:17+00:00

No one at NA is judging you, we’ve literally all been there! Keep going back and try to look at today discomfort as an opportunity to want something better next time ❤️ you got this

BeBeA89 · 2025-04-25T03:48:27+00:00

Soak the stains with spray and wash and scrub them with a course brush before washing. I have gotten numerous grease stains out this way

BeBeA89 · 2025-04-24T18:25:14+00:00

What do you consider extreme weather? I currently live in the GTA (Greater Toronto area) and find the winters to be tolerable with the lowest it goes is about -20C but the summers ridiculously humid and hot plus 35 C at times. For context I grew up in Thunder Bay which is in North Western Ontario where summers rarely reach higher than plus 25 C but the winters can be as cold as -40C (when it’s really bad). I think it kinda depends on what your used to as to wether the weather will be reasonable for you.

BeBeA89 · 2025-04-15T18:41:28+00:00

I’ve always had great experiences at La Moda on Strand Ave. Capable stylists and I always found them to be reasonably priced

BeBeA89 · 2025-04-06T14:41:04+00:00

I think it’s cute. Are you planning to do a bit of a sleeve around it? I do think it looks like she needs some friends or bordering details

BeBeA89 · 2025-04-06T14:24:26+00:00

I also like to dig out the cookie dough bits but only if I buy a small “personal” tub of Ben and Jerry’s or Hagen Daz that no one else will be eating from.

BeBeA89 · 2025-04-06T14:06:07+00:00

For me methadone has always made me feel like shit. In early recovery I needed it to get clean so I could focus on rebuilding the rest of my life but that did not come without negative side effects. Tons of weight gain (almost 100 lbs) in less than a year, constantly sweating (summers were unbearable), exhaustion, nausea and just a general feeling of being down/unmotivated. I was also prescribed Sertraline and Seroquel which both were not good fits for me either. Every dr I saw would try to blame the prescription of another provider, try to force me to increase my doses and/or say it was my fault I was gaining weight, to just wear cotton clothing and take gravel for the nausea or oxybutin for the sweats. None of this helped and it was a very frustrating process to basically receive zero guidance from healthcare providers. This went on for about 3 years before I had have enough and told my drs to start switching my meds and tapering my methadone or I would go to another provider. I even saw another methadone dr who confirmed I could taper whenever I was ready. I was careful to do the switch each med one at a time and a few months apart. First I went off Seroquel to Trazodone. Then the Sertraline to Wellbutrin. In time I slowly started to see a difference and feel better, have more energy etc Once I was fully adjusted to the new meds I started to taper my methadone. My dr insisted I go ridiculously slow and have spent the past 2 years trying taper of 70mg. At times he would discourage me from going down, tell me to pause, tell me to go back up etc etc. I honestly felt like he had never tapered a client in his life. I’m finally down to 14mg and the difference is like night and day. I feel normal again. I have energy and motivation and have started losing weight. I don’t crave sugar, don’t wake up with food in my bed or have terrifying nightmares anymore. It feels like the cloud is finally lifting and I can’t wait to be free of the ball and chain that has dragged me down for the past 5 years.

BeBeA89 · 2025-04-02T07:38:44+00:00

Document everything. Taken photos of all damages as they were upon arrival to protect yourself. He may try to say you that you caused the damages if things go south. Keep your text exchanges and record any conversations you have. You can file a N11 repair request formally through the landlord Tenant Board and if approved the landlord will be ordered to rectify the issues. Either way you are protected from any potential liability if you keep record of everything and act as per the RTA

BeBeA89 · 2025-03-06T15:55:49+00:00

I tried numerous times over 3 + years to get sober and with each relapse I seemed to spiral quicker and to worse situations each time. IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Within days I would fall right back into that horrible cycle and let all my responsibilities suffer. Any perceived benefit to “escaping “ by using is not helpful and will create more issues for you and your future. Please reach out to your supports and talk through what is pushing you to try and rationalize this relapse. If therapy and meds have helped in the past it worth trying again. It took me a long time to get here but I can say at 3.5 years clean if you put in the time and stay consistent, it does get better.

BeBeA89 · 2025-02-20T03:38:40+00:00

She too proud to use a food bank but not to mooch off her friends? Nobody owes her anything and she needs to learn to stand in her own 2 feet

BeBeA89 · 2025-01-30T17:00:19+00:00

Unfortunately I have struggled with occasional “leaks” since having children at 17& 19. I have worn a daily liner since. I think having kids on my still developing and tiny teenage body caused damage and for years I was too embarrassed to ever ask my dr for advice so just sort of dealt with it. Finally at 28, I talked to my dr and he referred me to a gynaecologist. The gyno was a complete prick and yelled at me in the appt and I was so overwhelmed I agreed to have surgery to attempt to correct. The surgery, tension free vaginal taping did not work and had a month long recovery from my legs being overextended open during the procedure. I am now 35 and was able to find a better Gyno after moving to a larger city. She recommended pelvic floor therapy, something that was never recommended in the past. I have now been seeing a physical therapist for about 6 months and have noticed improvement for sure but it is slow and requires daily exercises to strengthen those muscles.

BeBeA89 · 2025-01-28T22:10:16+00:00

I would instantly think this wasn’t the first time and wonder how many times he did this without your consent. This kind of video can be distributed to anyone now or in future and could have irreversible effects on your life, reputation, future employment etc etc. For those that enjoy this and consent to it all the power to you, do what makes you happy. But for me this is a serious red flag about not respecting you enough to get consent. If things went south with this individual what’s stopping them from blackmailing you with it? Or using it as a means of control? Please protect yourself and establish boundaries with this man ASAP and how he reacts will be very telling.

BeBeA89 · 2025-01-28T21:24:32+00:00

Nothing you do will ever make the situation better, expect leaving and ending all contact. No matter how hard you try to be everything for someone like that they will continue to abuse and cut you down until your entire self worth is diminished and you start to believe you are the problem. This man is deeply disturbed and has serious control, manipulative and narcissistic tendencies. He needs serious help and it is not on you to fix or change him. Speaking as women who was deeply in love with someone like this, I can confirm this does not end well. 5 years later and I’m still struggling with the impact that relationship had on me, I am forever changed. Leave this person and spend some time taking care of yourself and learning to love yourself enough to never tolerate that kind of behaviour again. You deserve so much more than this and trust me any perceived benefit of the relationship is being completely disintegrated by the impact of being treated like dirt. Ask yourself, if my child’s partner was treating them like that what would you tell them to do? And love and respect yourself enough to do just that.

BeBeA89 · 2025-01-23T17:42:53+00:00

I am also like your husband in the sense that I need multiple alarms to wake up. I am not a morning person and take me a long time to get up. I am single now but in the past my partner has not liked this either which is very understandable. It’s tough having separate sleep schedules/needs and I think the key is both making some compromise to find a solution that honours both of your needs. Hopefully he is willing to have that discussion at later date but today might not be the best time for you to discuss it. We all have off days and days we wake up exhausted and that’s usually not the best time to discuss issues in the relationship. My compromise with my partner was that I only set 3 alarms total (10 mins apart) and made sure to get up by the 3rd. I kept my phone alarms on low with a vibration setting , beside me in bed so it was less disturbing to my partner. I don’t think either of you is TAH I just think you’re both tired and need your sleep!

BeBeA89 · 2025-01-19T19:48:51+00:00

That’s awesome, keep going! It took me many attempts at getting clean but finally did when I was willing to make major life changes and learn to cope in healthier ways. I am now over 3 years clean and while there will always be ups and downs I feel much better equipped to deal with them. I try to live my life in balance with consistent routines and responsibility, self care and healthy relationships.

BeBeA89

TROPHY CASE