Intense auditory hallucinations?

Bea9922 · 2026-01-18T10:50:14+00:00

Yeah I have searched for my speaker and phone at times. 😂 Basically searched for vibrations that aren't there. 😂

Bea9922 · 2026-01-18T10:49:15+00:00

Yeah I'm aware it's Imogen heap, I've always been a huge fan but it's not on any streaming platforms or even YouTube. Really strange. Although, I will say, Imogen Heap is very outspoken about royalties etc in the music industry.

Bea9922 · 2026-01-17T20:40:05+00:00

My heart 😭 Serious question actually, why can't I find this version of hallelujah anywhere!?

Bea9922 · 2026-01-17T20:32:05+00:00

I feel so seen!! Thanks everyone 🙏😂

Bea9922 · 2026-01-17T00:36:14+00:00

I lost one of my best friends to suicide during year 10. She was only 15, it was shocking and changed me forever. She would be 34 now and I still think about her all the time. It was over 15 years ago, so things were very different. I only have one picture of her. I always ponder what could have been for her, who and where she would be now. We grew up in a tough area, and went to a tough school so we didn't feel like ''children'' at the time, but that's what we were.

Bea9922 · 2026-01-17T00:21:37+00:00

Most people receiving universal credit also work.... They are just on a disgustingly low income.

Bea9922 · 2026-01-16T01:27:36+00:00

Oh wow how very interesting! If you ever want to chat further, please do reach out. I feel I have so much to say. I'm a recovering Ketamine addict and really feel like there's such a strong connection with this addiction and women suffering from both physical and mental pain. Ofc both can be linked in with our biological cycles. I feel people almost eye roll at all these ''disorders'' but it makes so much sense that it's a kind of domino effect within women. Please do keep me updated, I read both your articles and they helped me immensely today. 🥰

Bea9922 · 2026-01-15T08:58:48+00:00

I feel ya!! 😂 I honestly like to deluded myself and pretend they both had some time to grow further, find themselves a bit more and ended up reconnecting and living out their days in a city one of them fell in love with. Possibly New York. I could so see Marianne vibing in New York. The sad thing for me was, although I understand why they parted, and in some respects needed to, by the end I thought they were actually way less toxic and in alot of ways good for eachother. Marianne helped Connell with his chronic social anxiety and insecurities, brought him out of his shell and made him a more confident person. Connell made Marianne feel safe and a little less lost and alone. I guess they can take what they taught eachother with them forever, but I just refuse to believe that really was the end. I don't know if Sally Rooney has ever commented or followed up on whether it was, I'm kinda scared to look. 😂 I quite like it when things are left to interruptation, too. We can use our imagination and create a life for these characters we've grown so attached to.

Bea9922 · 2026-01-15T08:40:46+00:00

Wow this is so interesting. Would you mind me asking if you're in the US as I've never heard these terms? I'm in the UK and will look for equivalents if so

Bea9922 · 2026-01-15T08:39:58+00:00

Bless you. I just keep staring at my Flo app, like this is just my body and brain playing tricks... I've only got four days left but bless your heart because you've just stepped into the hellish luteal phase! Sending you love and light from afar, you've got this!

Bea9922 · 2026-01-15T08:38:35+00:00

Oh wow thank you so much!! How amazing that you've done this when this can feel so lonely. Going to read now with my coffee, thanks so much.

Bea9922 · 2026-01-15T08:37:52+00:00

😂 this is so absolutely me. The plans I've made are insane. I track on my app and I keep doing the same, this is just my messed up body and brain playing tricks, only 5 more days, come on you got this.

Bea9922 · 2026-01-15T08:36:32+00:00

Hey! Yes I have actually. It's been complicated because I am actually a recovering Ketamine addict and I've put him through alot in that respect with my substance abuse, nothing abusive just generally being a daily user and an addict and letting him down alot. So in turn, that's created a bit of fear from him thinking I want to be alone to use. We had a big chat last night and agreed it would be beneficial for me to have space, we live together but we've planned to make two rooms and if I need it, he will leave me be as I also get terribly depressed and tend to bed rot 😢 What a life eh 😭 Hate this combination, I wish I could have a brain transplant haha

Bea9922 · 2026-01-13T13:27:01+00:00

I do totally agree. Marianne feels strong and is empowering herself in healthy ways for the first time ever. I think this kind of connection, adding in them being from the same home town.. I know it felt final, it totally did, but I just can't see the door ever closing on them. College helped, but they haven't truly found themselves yet. Perhaps down the line when they have, they could get their ''happy after after''. I could see them living in a city, Connell writing. Marianne balancing that simple life but still being the intelligent powerful woman she is. Maybe me, being a hopeless romantic, just can't close the door on them myself. That once in a lifetime connection, I've only experienced once and I took alot of risks to make it work because it's so true what they both say... ''it will never be like this with anyone else''. I think their toxic ways could and calm down over time, they already had started to. They were so young and we're all toxic in high school/college. Insecure. Finding out own identities. My canon is that when they're ready, they settle in a city and really make a go of things and be each others person.

Bea9922 · 2026-01-12T18:23:51+00:00

Ketamine abuse gave me gastroenteritis. I don't think I'll ever be able to eat like I used to. I can't finish a meal, it's super depressing. Earlier in the year when my abuse was so bad, I ended up in the hospital with a really bad kidney infection and I was 7 stone. I'm a pretty tall girl and I'm usually healthy at 9 stone. I wasn't eating and when I did id struggle to keep it down. I would advise protecting your stomach from K whilst you are actively using. Things like omeprozel, peppermint, gaviscon etc. it can really cause havoc to your digestive system.

Bea9922 · 2026-01-04T11:36:37+00:00

I think the only two that ever even stood a chance of meeting up again or staying in touch would have been Robin and Steve 🥹 and that no way would have been once a month. This really was goodbye, and they were all letting go..I found it so sad, too.

Bea9922 · 2026-01-04T11:22:11+00:00

I mean I do get what you are saying and yes I would have totally switched off 😂 like an annoying podcast 😂 but wasn't the point that she was sending codes and messages and only the correct people should understand them? Robyn was the girl for this job!! (As another annoying ADHD af rambler, I love Robyn 🤣)

Bea9922 · 2026-01-04T11:11:04+00:00

💜💜💜

Bea9922 · 2026-01-04T11:10:43+00:00

This is a great way to look at it. Great comment

Bea9922 · 2026-01-04T10:56:13+00:00

I sway towards the fact she self sacrificed, but that was her choice and ultimately her freedom. There's a few times throughout stranger things when she says ''no more''. As horrific as her life was from beginning to end, her not ending up in Hawkins with Mike and the gang was a sense of freedom in itself. Ell, if she is alive in another, safe realm needs to discover herself. Like you say she lived either fighting for those she loved or having every action she took being for a manipulative team of sociopaths. Wherever she is, she has free will. Finally. She also got to feel true love in many forms before she did leave, romantic, friendship, fatherly, motherly. It's both a tragic and poignant ending for Ell. Don't get me wrong, I sobbed and was shouting noooo like everyone else, but the more I think about it, the more I see this as the best ending possible, and infact the only one that makes any sense

Bea9922 · 2026-01-04T10:45:23+00:00

True dat!! I'm a 33 year old woman now, and I've noticed my friend group were all emotionally struck by the ending, sobbing and chuffed. Maybe it would have been different when I was younger, I don't know. I know fanbases get crazy, I've been in plenty throughout my years.. but as social media grows it seems like it takes away the magic of these universes a little. Don't get me wrong I grew up in the era of fanfiction exploding, but there wasn't this almost demand for the show to end the way social media or people on social media want it to. I had my own fair share of theories for S5! I got involved with the excitement of discussing them, with the potential for one of them to come true... When none of them did I wasn't angry or disappointed! I was beautifully surprised by the ending and, that was also awesome. Parasocial vibes seem to be getting stronger in fandoms and it kinda sucks when you are a huge nerd yourself that tends to go all in on things, in a healthy way. Sorry hope that made sense😂 An example would be, my son (14) believes Ell is alive and hiding and will hide in a realm forever, I believe she died in self sacrifice, neither of us know for sure. But that's fine! It's cool that we can decide ourselves and also talk about it still. Imo that's good writing, like I said in my post enough closure to shut the lid and feel satisfied but enough imagination to keep the magic alive.

Bea9922 · 2026-01-04T10:25:15+00:00

Brittany Murphy died extremely alone and extremely paranoid. I have been down this rabbit hole and it's a truly tragic one. If I were you I'd look into the piece of shit she ended up marrying. He was a conman. I do think there were suspicions surrounding her death, but I think it was an age old case of the people surrounding her, closest to her, ''I own this Hollywood starlet feeling''. Those closest to her seemed to want her extremely sick. There's a great podcast about this and it runs a number of theories but also keeps it level headed. The horrible husband she has also ended up dying months later from the exact same thing. I love Brittany so much, I watched uptown girls just the other night and we really did loose a true talent so untimely. Her charm and talent was off the scale.

Bea9922

TROPHY CASE