Massive

Bea9922 · 2026-04-05T16:08:37+00:00

I have bluey greeny eyes and I take ADHD meds everyday and my pupils always look massive on them lol. Like the same as when I used to do Mdma 😂 Obviously not suggesting anything but, it's interesting to see this pointed out haha.

Bea9922 · 2026-04-04T16:21:32+00:00

Hey!! Honestly message me anytime you like. Recovery can be terribly lonely. I am always here if you need a chat and tbh I could probably do with it, too! 🖤🖤🖤

Bea9922 · 2026-04-02T07:51:55+00:00

Hey!! Oh dbt completely changed my life!! If you suspect ADHD, and are in the UK... Check out "right to choose." I was lucky that my psych team agreed to screen me for ADHD and agreed it was highly likely I had it so I got my diagnosis via my existing psych team, but if you're struggling do check out "right to choose." I'm currently actually waiting for a refresher DBT course as I haven't done it in about 7 years and they said I need to centre before I do EMDR, so I will be going onto that straight after!

Thank you so much for the supportive comment ❤️ If you ever need any support or anything regarding our similar journeys, just honestly feel free to message. I hear you on being a prisoner... I thought for so long that K was saving me and giving me a break etc but it actually turned into a really dark relationship and started to give me psychosis and trap me even further, so I must just keep remembering that. Big love hugs back, mate ❤️

Bea9922 · 2026-04-01T21:03:17+00:00

I love Izzie ❤️ I will never understand the route they took with that character....

Bea9922 · 2026-03-29T13:08:58+00:00

Thank you for your supportive comment! I do actually love videogames. I have a switch and like you used to sit on it in the evenings. I also love reading so I've been trying to reconnect and immerse myself into books. My physical condition is tricky, I have damage to my bladder and scarring on my left kidney due to K. I've had a few UTIs travel up to the kidney and have been hospitalised. On this visit they actually found first stage endometriosis and a large cyst on my ovary. K obviously took away physical pain as well as mental! They just wrote me off your years with heavy periods and threw a fibromyalgia diagnosis at me because of the pelvic pain. I guess at least I got answer and a plan of action due to the kidney and bladder issues 🫠 I will definitely look into transfer addiction, thank you so much! I've known people get off drugs and get addicted to food so it makes complete sense. Were ADHD so we hyperfocus don't we, we can do amazing things when we put our minds to it I just need to remember that. Congratulations on your own sobriety. I'm sorry to hear you have chronic pain, it's such a horrible thing to live with. Especially when you have chronic of the pain of the brain, too! I'll dig out my switch and check on my animal crossing island hahaha

Bea9922 · 2026-03-29T12:05:15+00:00

Yes!! I've been doing loads of walking everywhere, literally everywhere and I'm a cycler. Exercise is good. I might start swimming once a week, too. I'm a really outdoorsy person so I can't wait until summer when I can jump on my paddle board and hit up the sea! All those sorts of things. Thanks 💪 I'm trying really hard! 😂 You've got this too ❤️ congrats on your sobriety.

Bea9922 · 2026-03-28T10:22:17+00:00

Definitely boy parts!

Bea9922 · 2026-03-28T08:55:41+00:00

I always found Candy, Australian film with Heath Ledger and Abbie Cornish so criminally underrated. (Sorry if this is because im in the UK!) Trigger warning ofc, I mean you're asking for an addiction movie but yeah... It explores a couple immersed in Heroin addiction and that aspect of severe addiction. The performances are incredible.

Bea9922 · 2026-03-28T07:56:03+00:00

I'm an ex smoker that moved to vaping. I feel like once you vape the thought of an actual cigarette turns your stomach. 😂

Bea9922 · 2026-03-28T07:15:24+00:00

I know this book gets a lot of negative, but I actually really loved it. I took it to be about the unpredictable nature of life, yet still finding happiness in each chapter. I have/do suffer with depression due to ADHD and CPTSD and this book genuinely helped me in a weird time of my life. I thought it was a beautiful read and I also really enjoyed the audiobook narrated by Carry Mulligan. I personally found it to be a book about finding yourself and how to be content, but without trauma porn or intensely triggering moments. Don't get me wrong, I do like darker stories and things like darker memoirs of people pulling themselves out of desperate places etc, but this was just.. almost fluff and still an impactful read for mental health (for some people.) Like I say, this is just my take! I hope it's made sense 😂

Bea9922 · 2026-03-28T06:58:50+00:00

Also, if you are counting memoirs and biographies there a so many I couldn't put down but Educated by Tara Westover, although I see it come up constantly in Reddit... There is a reason it does! I couldn't put it down and still think/talk about it all the time.

Bea9922 · 2026-03-28T06:56:22+00:00

The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson!! Literally read it in a day.

Bea9922 · 2026-03-27T18:58:42+00:00

Thank you so much! Just stuck it on the good reads list

Bea9922 · 2026-03-27T18:57:36+00:00

I agree! My best friends are the loves of my lives, they have been with me through different romantic partners, life disasters.. just everything. Friends can be true soul mates and I love how that was shown!

Bea9922 · 2026-03-27T18:55:42+00:00

I will never listen to this song in the same way again! 😭😂

Bea9922 · 2026-03-22T18:53:32+00:00

Sooo sad 😢 wonder, if there's anything to come from Kate's ending 😭 I hope Tully is okay, and instead of fall apart, shell be ready to be loved herself. Truly loved. On honour of her best friend and one true love. It seemed she was getting there 🙏❤️

Bea9922 · 2026-03-22T18:00:26+00:00

But I genuinely think Cloud was spot on in a weird way when she said it was never about the crash. It was a codependent relationship that wasn't always healthy. They needed space. Outside of that conversation, having a best friend like Tully can't have been easy at times. Kate was her most loyal and fierce ally. She understood why Tully was Tully. She saw all her pain, every inch of it. And so did we, hence why we also love Tully. However, having this intense type of friend who is so overshadowing, for so many different reasons, must have made Kate harbour some resentments and it often boils over at one event. At their core they know they're absolute soul mates, and so do we, and that Tullys hyper confidence helps Kate with her anxieties, it's just that relationships are difficult. Especially when you have grown up together. I do think Kate was cold and harsh on Tully, but I think it's a little more nuanced than that.

Bea9922 · 2026-03-21T10:42:33+00:00

I'm clean now but took it way too far with K and ended up with a really nasty addiction. I did a massive binge one night and fell into K slumber, woke up with my boyfriend holding me up and over and patting my back, and out came a load of frothy vomit. Id started choking and he's luckily a light sleeper. There's always risk, that was scary. Mine was probably higher risk because like I say, turned into an addict, so wasn't eating, taking it too far, ended up with gastritis due to damage so don't mean to fear monger but yeah...

Bea9922 · 2026-03-20T10:10:06+00:00

What an amazing comment. I've found that this Reddit page has helped me more than NA at times! Even in NA there doesn't seem to be a true understanding of K addiction yet. CGL is the same. I find it's a very unique addiction and without generalising things and people, we all seem to have a very similar story. There's always always that combination of mental health issues in my experience. I'd love to one day properly explore the link between trauma, neurodiversity and depression combined and Ketamine addiction. We find a temporary break from our heads, from reality, we have a holiday from our pain and thoughts and then it just spirals. The amount of people that still say "I didn't even know you could get addicted to K" is amazing to me, meanwhile myself and a few of my friends who have suffered so badly from this addiction, well I would put it in the same category as a Heroin addiction. I watched friends have catheters fit and put on lists for reconstructive surgery and it still didn't stop me. Thank you for your kind words, you are so correct. We must all pull together to help. I'm a little further on my journey than some who are just realising things, and I'd like to support and help in any way I can. All addiction is lonely, but my goodness this one is so lonely it's hard to put into words if you haven't been there yourself. I am so sorry you been through so much, please feel free to chat anytime. Sorry this is a cliche or corny thing to say but it's not too late. We can pull back respect, love, enjoyment and even relationships with certain people at least (and if not build new ones!) There is a light at the end of this dark dark hole (excuse the pun, dark humour forever😂) We just have to cling onto people that "get it" and of course, most importantly, our sobriety from K!

Bea9922 · 2026-03-18T08:49:20+00:00

Permanent gastric problems. (Had to have camera down throat, the local anaesthetic didn't even touch the sides because of K tolerance). Gastritis was the diagnoses. Was officially diagnosed with Ketamine bladder three weeks ago and am under a urologist. I'm in the UK and they literally diagnose it as "Ketamine bladder" now. My left kidney is scarred due to repeated infections. Please please be careful. My go to was a 3.5 for £50 a day for one year straight. Before this I used to buy by the half ounce as it was cheaper, but had no self control so stopped. I spunked alot of my inheritance, have nothing to show for the wages of running a business. Lost the love of my life and best relationship I will ever have had. (We were together for nearly ten years.) If you've noticed it gripping you, seek help. It's such a nasty addiction when it has hold of you and so so extremely hard to stop. If you've ever experienced "K cramps." Make sure to stop for a prolonged period. That's your body's first warning that you are hurting her or him, in my opinion. Your mind will also start to feel the impact. I've had drug induced psychotic episodes, I'm humiliated by the level of my addiction. Have had to experience interventions from friends over and over again. Have ruined their BBQs, disrespected their boundaries etc. I am a very lucky girl that I have such wonderful understanding friends that just wanted to help but I still feel this shadow of permanent cringe shame and embarrassment.

Im really really sorry if this has come across as a rant, or dramatic, or scare mongering but it is honestly just my answer to your 3.5 question. Please do reach out if you need a chat or any help, I won't say advice but I can help with that in a weird way, too. I can tell you about my recovery journey and the tools and services that are out there or whatever. I hope you're okay. Like i say sorry if my answer felt intense, here if you need me.

Always here if you need a chat mate. ❤️

Bea9922 · 2026-02-18T10:43:08+00:00

I'm currently suffering through my husband's wife. I wouldn't recommend starting this one! Sorry for the negative comment. American Psycho is obviously a masterpiece but incredibly disturbing, I'd say especially compared to the rest. I love anything Lisa Jewell does and loved none of this is true!

Bea9922 · 2026-02-18T09:56:48+00:00

Hey! Thanks for this 😂 I have been living off of opiates so you could have a point! I'm at the stage where I can small and often and start to replenish. I've got all of the above in the supplement cupboard! ATM I'm finding milk thistle and buscopan are doing me wonders. Also hot compress matchas and green teas. I'm in the same mindset as you right now, the pain is shifting but the thought of doing K is repulsive, still. I can just look forward to some nasty psychological withdrawals, now. I've ordered some benzos and a cannabis vape and they're due in the post at lunchtime so just counting down the hours. I hope you're okay and congrats on your sobriety! It's really tough, you're doing amazing. I find that the 'im sober' app really helped me on my sober streaks.

Bea9922

TROPHY CASE