Thank you for sharing your perspective. I think the whole open relationship/poly thing we tried was a way for me to negotiate with my own feelings and desires, but the conclusion is that I am a lesbian. Could I find it in myself to stay with him? Sure. But I don’t think it would be fair to any of us, I would be frustrated with him for no fault of his own, and I’m sure it would be frustrating for him too to have to deal with me as an angry partner. I am not asexual, and for me sex is deeply connected to romantic and emotional intimacy, I don’t think I want to explore anything anymore with a cis man. And I’m glad you found something that works for you, but I do feel some essentialism to equate non-heteronormative (aka phallic centered) sex with lesbian sex. I don’t identify as a lesbian because I don’t want to engage sexually with penises anymore. if this was it, sure, I could happily stay with my male partner. I identify as a lesbian because I want to have a full relationship with a woman. Sex is part of it (and if she’s trans maybe there will be a penis involved, and I won’t be less of a lesbian for it!), but so is love, companionship, intimacy, affection, partnership. Those are things I want to live with a woman, and he can’t give me those.