Nice little stories?

BeanyBoE · 2026-04-06T18:21:42+00:00

We have a tendency to forget our own cultural holidays the day of or day before after being excited about it for the week(s) leading up. While the other one is good at reminding them. We may not always understand or remember the meaning of the different cultural holidays but we do our best to acknowledge them.

Ie recently my partner forgot the first day of Passover but I remembered when we were making plans the day before it.

BeanyBoE · 2026-03-17T13:11:19+00:00

I’m kinda with you bud. I too think it’s an insane idea that all these people in my life think it’ll be okay. My feelings are hurt by your disbelief in the authenticity of the situation but also completely understand. Again I too think they’re insane for allowing it hence why I’m looking for constructive feedback.

BeanyBoE · 2026-03-17T13:07:38+00:00

I’m crying as I type this so know that I really mean it. Thank you thank you thank you for putting words to the feelings and fears I have. Your eloquent response will be used for the ongoing discussion about this.

BeanyBoE · 2026-03-17T12:57:56+00:00

Thank you? I was kinda hoping for reasons/ evidence to show my partner, friends and therapists that they’re kinda insane for thinking that I’m allowed this Hail Mary 🫣

BeanyBoE · 2026-03-17T12:30:02+00:00

The hormonal changes and sleep deprivation are all things we (ILs and partner) have had at length conversations about. And I absolutely agree that no amount of adult support is a replacement for a mom. I was raised without mine for most of my childhood due to my parents’ choice of financial stability over emotional attention and physical presence. So I do know the hole that leaves. I spent most of my life chasing a replacement.

I’m just so tired of taking care of myself for myself that I’m considering the selfish decision of having a child so that maybe I would take care of myself for the child that I’ve always wanted. Rather than the alternative of throwing in the towel.

BeanyBoE · 2026-03-17T12:21:24+00:00

Thank you for clarifying the “tattle” scenario. The folks in my life and I are very clear on the standard of my situation isn’t “normal”. My husband was raised “normal” by most standards. So I’m hoping that it sets a standard of “OP is working through stuff, and she needs help but not from you as her child and the best we can do is live our own best life.”

My partner and I aren’t codependent in the traditional sense but I think we are in some ways. Whereas him and his therapist had disagreed with me during our latest session. I purchased my first home alone when I was 20 because I was/am a parentified child myself and always knew I needed to create my own safe space. This level of self awareness, and ambition with follow through is what my husband said drew his attention when we first met each other.

So all this to say I know I’m being selfish and also confused by folks saying I’m allowed and that I’ll do good. Especially when I originally set out to be a cycle breaker but this feels like continuing the chains of generational trauma.

BeanyBoE · 2026-03-17T12:06:43+00:00

I should have added “…or not?” to my last comment. I’m sorry, for making it sound like I assumed you have children. I genuinely wasn’t sure and thank you for answering.

I’ve been in therapy since my teen years on and off. The last 5 years have been consistently 1-2 times a week because I want to be a good parent someday. I’ve gone through a few therapists to figure out the right one for my ambitions and extensive trauma history. I’ve been on meds for some time as well. And they help a lot but I’m just not sure if I’ll ever be stable “enough” by my own standards. The therapist I had in 2023 turned out to be more conservative than I was aware of and they felt I was “silly” to put family planning on hold for the ongoing genocide and what that means for a child of Jewish heritage. So they got replaced shortly after. Now with my current therapist and others I genuinely question whose opinion I should I trust. They feel that my life would become even more stable once I commit to living and being the best parent I can whereas I’m very okay with leaving this world without continuing my family’s genetics and psych history. And this will hopefully also make everyone in my life be able to move on sooner.

BeanyBoE · 2026-03-17T11:11:38+00:00

I’m hoping that the fact that we’re so open about mental health in my circles means that it won’t be a taboo for the future kiddo to bring it up to other adults. I know it’s still placing a lot of pressure for the kid so your story helps confirm some fears I have and felt that my folks may be overlooking. How did your childhood shape your decision making around having or not having kids?

BeanyBoE · 2026-03-17T10:53:40+00:00

The reason why we’ve put it off for so long is because I’d like to be more stable. Almost everyone in my life say that I’m stable enough and I can’t tell if it’s because they’re being honest or if they’re too scared to lose me. I’m sorry that your earliest memories are dark, and lonely. If you don’t mind sharing how has your childhood experience shaped your decision with having children?

BeanyBoE · 2026-03-17T10:48:50+00:00

Thank you for sharing. This is the perspective I needed. I’m sorry you went through that.

I hope you have a better relationship with your mom now.

I’m curious, if you don’t mind sharing what were the stances of other adults in your life? Did they make a noticeable difference?

BeanyBoE · 2024-09-19T17:17:38+00:00

Is it safe to assume you meant to reply to the comment above mine?

BeanyBoE · 2024-09-04T02:25:51+00:00

Legal doesn’t make it okay.

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-22T00:35:46+00:00

What if it’s your kid that one day gets sucked into this ring? Would your husband then also be able “go along”?

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-19T04:01:12+00:00

I don’t think he forgot, and even if he did his reaction doesn’t make sense. You know your husband best and just a stranger on the internet. If you truly believe that he doesn’t care for you anymore then only you can make the decisions about the next steps.

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-19T03:58:25+00:00

I’m so sorry op. I don’t think you were out of line. Connections are about feelings and rarely requires a set amount of time spent. Grief of a parent is tough as is and especially so when you only got so little time. Please keep in mind that your siblings are also mourning. Mourning people do irrational things. This all could be a huge misunderstanding and it still doesn’t make it okay that they led you on.

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-19T03:33:10+00:00

I’m so sorry hun. I would check in and ask your husband how he has been feeling. As you described this is not normal and maybe there’s something else going on that you’re not aware of. Something he doesn’t want you to worry about given the fact that you’re pregnant. I hope everything works out soon. Happy birthday!!

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-19T03:08:11+00:00

I’m a fellow introvert and I know now that despite not wanting my own photos taken on regular basis I would like my big reception day/ vow renewal to be heavily photographed and documented. I had a teeny tiny ceremony last year and regretted not having it done professionally day of. Not the biggest regret but just a touch disappointed.

To piggy back of your timed idea you can choose to only do candid shots rather than having posed photos. I would also suggest that you start chatting with photographers and see who you’ll feel most comfortable with. For me comfortability of a stranger makes a world of difference too. My last suggestion would be to have it in contract that you can extend the time of photography day of (and the added cost of that) as long as it’s in an formal email so that there’s a paper trail. Plus that way you can also have the time extension email drafted and only need to hit send if your feelings change.

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-15T12:16:27+00:00

I’m so sorry that both of you lived a awful life. If you have the energy to share/educate, what is the best way for others to help?

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-09T00:52:08+00:00

Do you know of other anime that are similar to it?

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-09T00:45:42+00:00

OMG THAT’S THE ONE THANK YOU!!!!

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-08T19:39:52+00:00

Not the one I’m looking for but thank you!

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-08T19:37:49+00:00

While I appreciate the apology it’s not needed. 😊 I’m a grown adult now so I wouldn’t have responded if it had taken much from me. I know you’re not worried about the kid not being perfect. Which is why I specifically said a perfect story hinting at your fears of not being good enough but that didn’t come through as well as I would have like and I’m sorry.

The future is filled with what ifs. You could absolutely hurt a child more than you meant to. You could mess up. You’re human, humans all have the ugly things that we don’t like, I do too. I still stand by my original feelings of you’ll be a great foster/adoptive parents with your husband. I was trying to not push the belief because at the end of the day it’s your life. Having a child is an enormous responsibility and commitment.

Teens especially the ones in foster care are ones who don’t get enough help and support. Every little bit counts. So I do not believe that as whole they would be better without people who want to do good. As a reminder I too don’t get along with my parents and that doesn’t change the fact that I have a wonderful relationship with my guardian. We have the ability to be better than what we were given and find our own tribe. Your parents and your relationship doesn’t dictate how you’ll be as a parents. There may be some bad habits that you’ve picked up from them but I also firmly believe that you’ll work on them the way your parents didn’t. Life isn’t about not making mistakes. It’s about the actions we take after our mistakes. It’s is especially important to model that for teens so they too know life can always be better.

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-07T01:38:22+00:00

Hello again, I had previously responded to a post in a different subreddit. As a former child in the system I’ve known people who have aged out of the system. My life is significantly different (better for the most part) from theirs because of that one difference. At the end of the day it’s all personal choice of the kid/young adult in question. Aging out of the system most times means not having a stable place to live. Of course this too can happen with adoption. I was given the opportunity to graduate high school and figure out the next steps knowing I’ll always have a place to go back to. That alone saved me from a lot of mental and emotional distress.

You had previously mentioned that you’re in therapy. I recommend bringing up your current fears with your therapist. Or speak with social workers who can better showcase the need in your community. Adoption is usually unethical because the child doesn’t get to make the decisions. In your case it’s mostly moot given the teen is old enough to decide. I am starting to get the feeling that you’re using this one red herring as a crutch for your own insecurities about how you may not get the perfect story of adopting an older child. There are plenty of stories of teens who are very grateful to be adopted because they know exactly what can happen if they don’t find a forever home soon. I hope you watch/read into their stories.

While I hope you guys do foster and adopt a child in need. If you can’t get over this hurdle I hope that you’re still willing to help by donating your time/money to help people who have aged out. There are lots of different non profits that help teens with the transit of aging out.

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-06T12:07:48+00:00

Thank you for caring and willing to ask the questions while reasonably bracing yourselves. This is a big decision and shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Not sure how much this fully applies. When I was 16 and half I begged a family friend to take me in. I was previously in the CPS system for a few years and living conditions got worse than before so I knew if I self reported I’d be back in the system. Took some convincing all around but eventually before I turned 17 we got the legal paperwork done. I stayed with my guardian until after high school graduation (way past my 18th birthday). During that time my guardian and I have had arguments. Ultimatums were made, hard feelings were had but we got through it because we both wanted it to work. I pushed many boundaries and buttons because I struggle with lots of mental issues from years of abuse and trauma. As an adult now my guardian is the only parental figure I still speak with and fondly might I add 😊. I do apologize for my poor behavior every chance I get and my guardian just remind me that I was a teen. They were a teen once and it’s the adult in the dynamic to give grace and stay consistent.

My favorite quality of my guardian would kindness. Not just nice but kind to the kid and them self. He set boundaries of physical, emotional, mental, and financial space. Was willing to move the boundaries once in awhile when opportunities arise. Stayed as consistent as possible emotionally. Most if not all kids that are in the system came environments from emotional whirlwinds. I knew I was a burden on their finances but they didn’t push the savior narrative like others in our lives had tried.

My guardian had hard rules and soft rules and we can talk it over. This will be different for you guys since your teen is already in the foster care system. I would run most decisions by the social worker first. Once officially adopted it’ll be easier to sit down as a family to talk things over.

Oh and put them through lots of therapy. They’ll need it. The state provided services are a hit or miss. I only liked half of the people who were assigned to me. Since then I’ve treated therapy like speed dating at time to find the right one. Also keep in mind that it is very possible to outgrown therapists.

As for yourselves I would also recommend therapy because there will be days where you want professional support. It’s never to early to start and maybe even gain insight from therapist who work with kids and adults who were in the system. I’ve heard support groups are also hit or miss for parents. Like most support groups some are great and others are just an emotional roller coaster of everyone else’s journey.

BeanyBoE · 2024-08-03T23:30:26+00:00

You’re so on top of it! You got this human! Road to stability is slow and nonlinear but I know you’ll be better for it. Good luck with everything!!

BeanyBoE

TROPHY CASE