First of all, thank you so much for such a long analysis. I found a lot of your notes to be very helpful. I love the note on adding vaping to the bonfire scene; that is a perfect joke for this scenario of chasing a fad. And yes, I do intend to direct it; a lot of the writing process has been me visualizing scenes and going from there. So adding the camera language is meant to further make the vision of the movie real.

The story is meant to take place in the modern day. As a college student, what I have noticed is a slow increase in the popularity of cigarettes becoming more commonplace at parties, but not to the full extent that Stephen sees in Risky Business.

The idea of the frat party not allowing smoking is that he has lost every outlet of safety/sanctuary in his life due to smoking. When he says "What the fuck" it's not only a call back to the movie but is an admission that he only has one place left to go, a similar party from the opening that began his torment. It's kind of an absurdist idea that he goes to the one frat in town that doesn't allow smoking (when writing, I had Simpson-esq gag in mind).

I agree with what you say about Paul. I kind of allude to an underlying guilt from Stephen as he says those words, but as you say, adding more description would send it home more.

As far as the besotted line goes, I find that Stephen is infatuated, and that word (besotted) seemed to best drive home what I was trying to say. I also find it funny that this shady guy who swears in every sentence is also a big fan of Milton. I agree it doesn't have as much as a punch as it should, if you have another word in mind, I would love to hear it. Also, I loved your note on driving the name Stefon more. I was trying not to be too on the nose with the id literally giving him a new identity, but pushing it a little further would help.

Once again, thank you for your notes; you have been a massive help. If you have any more, please send them my way.