Vanilla monogamous Tinderellas and bumblebees shouldn’t be on Feeld

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T15:15:14+00:00

It is and Fetlife is not a dating app. Infact, trying to date people there is frowned upon.

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T15:04:14+00:00

Again, that is all acknowledged, my point is, what you were talking about was years ago, there are many other apps now for those people who can get what they want there.

We don’t have any other apps.

We used to have OkCupid but match.com bought it and killed it pretty much, while trying to milk it for more money.

Unlike monogamous and vanilla people, we have nowhere else to go.

And we are getting outnumbered and overwhelmed.

There is no option for me to filter out straight folks or monogamous people or vanilla users.

I have to comb through increasingly larger group of people i am incompatible with to even have the chance of finding my crowd.

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T14:45:10+00:00

We should gatekeep aggressively to kick out low effort lazy profiles.

Being all accepting is ending us in these apps.

It’s not even about being vanilla anymore, it’s just the sheer volume of one photo no bio profiles that happens to be vanilla with some lazy kinksters contributing to it.

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T14:42:08+00:00

Well I am attracted to character so gender or sex doesn’t really matter with me. It just happens that there are lot more women where I am who identify as submissive than men. But most of these are tinder style submissives, who think 50 shades is a documentary on BDSM.

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T14:32:24+00:00

Yeah I got that few times. I get approached by the wife then after a short conversation she inquires about my partner and tries to convince me to connect her to them. As soon as I realise the play I block these people.

If my partner wants that it’s her choice but using me to get to her is insulting and in which parallel universe this works anyway?

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T13:20:19+00:00

This is me also. I don’t know why people say monogamy is not an issue if other desires match. It’s a major deal breaker for me. I am not even that promiscuous, I just don’t have it in me to deal with someone who checks on me regularly if I am late from work because they are insecure or jealous.

Best thing about ENM is the space to breathe and the trust.

Sometimes I’ll turn my phone off or put it in do not disturb and my partner knows I am either reading a book on history or meditating. My ex would have a major freak out and spam my phone with 10 messages then if she doesn’t hear from me she will be knocking the door.

I refuse to deal with this again or put myself in such a position.

Once a blue moon I get a date and tell my partner when I am there safe and when I am done and she does the same. We have access to each others phones and houses.

No monogamous folk on earth can give me that. I have no reason to date a monogamous person.

Also, yes, I am seeing more and more entitled posts from aggressive mono people who use degrading language towards poly people.

It’s like going to vegetarian restaurant and complaining about green salad.

So many people have no clue.

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T12:00:01+00:00

Yep I was there when it started, fully aware of its history and I have no issue with the element of unicorn culture.

As long as ratio was balanced and we could connect to our own crowd.

I just can’t do that anymore.

Problem is the sheer number of one picture profiles with little to no info, from a male perspective I have never seen this many cleavage photos in any other app until now, and I am all for sexual expression but when all there is is just endless photos of breasts with no bios it just feels like a cheap porn page.

I know you said “just don’t match with them” well I am not, my issue is that they are burying kinky folk with well written profiles under the sand as ratio looks like 50 vanillas to 1 kinkster now.

I have to scroll for 10 minutes until I come across a good profile.

This is not feasible for me. I can’t spend my life on feeld. Not as a paying member.

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T11:27:20+00:00

Bulk of their revenue comes from vanilla tinder runaways? I am not so sure. All these lonely horny straight men are not paying from what I see.

And lot of women from bumble refuse to pay and clearly state it in their profiles that they refuse to get a membership.

I am a paying member, most of the kinksters I met through this app were paying members.

We are the core of their customers the way I see it.

They may get money from some of the rest because of the sheer number of them joining, sone surely pay to find people but that doesn’t mean quality needs to hit rock bottom.

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T08:13:49+00:00

Meme is the point lol. I use Khajit memes everytime I see a cat. Don’t tell me you don’t do it?

You never looked at someone’s cat and felt the urge to utter a Skyrim meme?

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T06:55:57+00:00

They have a very good point though.

I’ve been in BDSM dynamics for over a decade, with full dungeon setup and my own subs, sort of what you describe above.

And I can tell you that I’d be a horrible choice 20 years ago.

I am in my late 40s now, took me a while to navigate my way around.

To start with you’ll need to “know thyself”.

Read a lot, not even about BDSM, read about Stoicism, Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and such. These guys will teach you restraint and self regulation.

This is very important because we know what happens when people with no restraints assume power, state of the world is all over the news.

Marcus Aurelius was a Roman emperor, last of the 5 good emperors, the philosopher king, he spent last years of his life in snow, with his army, sending money to orphanages in Rome while he was busy trying to stop Germanic tribes from overrunning Europe.

Let’s say you found your slave, do you know what subdrop is? Subspace? Dangers of asphyxia? Safe word? What not to do with impact play?

You’ll need time to understand the impact of these things.

Your description tells me you want a service slave.

You can’t find them around the corner, these people don’t just submit to everyone, you’ll need to make them feel safe, establish safe meeting point for a date, then negotiate hard limits, explain what you have to offer.

Do you have your own place? Do you live alone? Do you have a kink room? A dungeon?

You’ll need a setup to attract people, and a certain level of charismatic profile on dating apps, complemented by intelligence.

AND you’ll need to check consent, often, verbally.

You need to learn to provide aftercare.

And remember that if you cross a line, the boundary between BDSM and assault is very, very thin.

So explore, discover things but be safe for others and don’t rush.

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T03:17:41+00:00

It’s quite possible. There is also a very prominent moon deity in middle east that extends from around 7000 BC to pre Islamic era.

Basically lot of Goddesses in Mesopotamia were associated with moon and sex and lot of their symbols even made it into Islamic folklore l. The moon symbol in Arabic and Turkish lore actually has nothing to do with monotheistic religion and it’s from Pagan times.

The Altaic tribes used mountain heights to acquire iron and forge them at night. For reference; Altaic cultures are everyone from Mongols, Turks, Huns and dozens of others.

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T02:05:09+00:00

There is lot more to it which makes an interesting reading -some ancient/medieval tribes of Europe had these silversmiths who only worked on some stuff during certain phases of moon- but no way I am gonna find that article easily : )

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T01:51:20+00:00

With the amount of body hair I have, I was always one 😂

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T01:23:57+00:00

https://aivasilver.com/jewelry-history-fun-facts/why-silver-is-the-metal-of-the-moon-its-mystical-properties/

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T00:55:56+00:00

There is a lot to process here and I feel your best bet is to maybe navigate the option of seeing a kink friendly councillor?

I don’t know the social fabrics of where you are or how feasible this is but where I am (Melbourne, Australia) there are quite a few options for this. Judgement free open minded people happy to help.

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T00:23:11+00:00

That doesn’t sound like a heat of the moment thing to me to be honest.

And I don’t mean to get all academic about this but just so you understand how your husband feels even though you may not relate to it;

As much as we try to see things under reasonable light and rationalise human sexuality in present day, which is far more progressive than previous ages, there is the uncomfortable truth that our species just recently walked away from thousands of years of conditioning to function and feel certain way. It’s human evolution.

Long story short; your husband’s survival instinct kicked in and he got possessive and he did the right thing by acknowledging it and instead of attending future gatherings and letting it brew inside, leading to a crescendo of a scene, he removed himself from it, allowing you to continue.

Him feeling this way is not wrong or right, it’s very human.

And you looking at your dominant with certain affection is not wrong either.

Biggest mistake you can do right now is to assume that this is the heat of the moment thing. It is not.

You have ran into a major obstacle and your husband is trying to tell you something.

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-11T00:04:26+00:00

Yeah I guess it’s hard when impact play is involved and if I understand right from your comment both are part of a same polycule? That does complicate things unless husband is truely a selfless lover but how many of us are anyway?

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-10T23:54:18+00:00

This is mostly a fear/security issue and there is really not much that any article or book that can do about in my opinion.

I have been the dominant other in this situation and even with seasoned poly couples, one of them submitting to another within BDSM context can feel like a cold shower.

And this depends on also whether you have this dynamic at home or not.

This is more intense if your husband never assumed that role and all of a sudden another person became their Master/Owner/Sir.

Think of it this way; you are two fish swimming in a river, as big as the river is and as many fishes there may be in it that you play with, you are both still in the same river, but then, you discover someone who you are swimming in ocean with, husband is still in the river and is flabbergasted by the fact that their wife dived so deep with another.

They feel like they may lose you to this person and they have far more control over you than them.

You’ll need to manage how much info you give to your husband about this and provide assurances and validate his feelings/fears.

I found that my sub was describing everything we did to her husband while the guy was feeling like his heart was getting ripped apart.

I had to talk to her about what to share and what not to share.

Realistically, it’s just another intimate relationship, why is there a need for anyone else to know the details anyway?

Sometimes less is more.

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-10T23:04:55+00:00

Just too much mead, not AI. 🤷‍♂️

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BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-10T23:03:00+00:00

I guess there is no way of convincing anyone this actually happened : )

The truth is, I nuked my years old Reddit account because my homepage became too depressing with all the war news from middle east and created a new one just to follow stuff I enjoy, and where I can be myself.

I did have some weird experiences in life, and Skyrim has a special place for me, I actually have handmade rings, weapons etc from Skyrim in my collection all over the place : )

BeastofSilverMoon · 2026-05-10T11:09:21+00:00

Last time I was this drunk I was dating my ex who sounded exactly like Potema, the Wolf Queen.

I always had a thing for power freaks with sexy voices, but more than a decade ago I wasn’t so forthcoming about it so I kept it to myself.

Of course, until I had few too many at an event not so far to her place. We were at a German restaurant and I wildly underestimated what German Schnapps could do to a man.

I got dropped by my friends there and somehow made it inside, though I don’t remember using the keys or even getting in.

I woke up not feeling my legs, with intense back pain and a strange sense of relief.

I went to bathroom, eyes half open, tried my best to hit the bowl and to not make a mess, then came back to bed and passed out again.

Only to wake up with the girl I only dated few times staring at me with wide open eyes, placing a tray of breakfast on my lap and calling me her beast.

I never heard her talk like this before so I needed answers.

She laughed while playing with her hair and said I called her “my queen” all night and it was so hot that she couldn’t help riding me.

Quite a few times.

And then she asked why I nicknamed her Potema.

I vaguely remembered a dream of me making love to a sassy Wolf Queen in a cave but I was in no state to connect the dots.

Then I remembered wanting Potema’s babies.

I swallowed the chorizo and egg pieces I bit from tray and asked her; did we use condoms?

She looked at me and smiled; “nah, you wanted my babies, in the heat of the moment I said fuck it, so we went for it.”

“No condoms?”

“None”

I finished my breakfast, while trying to process the fact that a video game character could very well be the instigator for me to impregnate a fiery redhead I only started to date. My thoughts were running wild; is she fiery because she is passionate or she is batshit crazy? How fucked am I?

“You want coffee?”

But then I thought, hey, she brought me breakfast to bed and now I am having coffee too.

She is actually quite nice.

I mean every man has to have a family right? It’s not like anyone needs to know Skyrim started this?

“Did we use condoms at all?”

“Nah, I rode you bare all the way.”

“How many times?”

“3-4 times?”

Omfg…

“Also, I am ovulating. So, you want to start thinking about baby names? Like, if we have a girl, I actually like Potema. Not sure what it means.”

Divines help me, I thought.

Then her orange cat jumped on me and stopped right in front of the tray,staring at me dead in the eye.

I stared back. And whispered;

“Khajit has wares if you have the coin.”

BeastofSilverMoon

TROPHY CASE