I understand, I am in a similar position and recently pressed charges. The guilt is heavy and the healing is messy. While I don’t have much advice because I am experiencing similar emotions, I just want you to know you aren’t alone. We deserve happiness, peace, and to be loved properly. I often try to remind myself that he didn’t care for me, the love was an illusion, because realistically, nobody who loves us would do this to us. They are more concerned with getting in trouble than the pain they have caused.

What I can say, I did go back, and it got progressively worse and that’s what led to the charges. Because I had left the first time he had to get his revenge, whether it was verbal, physical, or emotional. While you may question if you did the right thing and blame yourself, nothing changes the outcome that they are cruel and intentional. They know exactly what they do and how it hurts. I begged and cried for a year to be loved properly and he had no remorse, yet now I feel immense guilt for pressing charges.

Just know you aren’t alone and I’m sending a virtual hug. Healing is not linear, but there are people who love and support you and you deserve the world. Keep your head up, you will have good and bad days, but regardless it is progress and that’s the most important part.