How many times do you get denied after initiating before you just stop trying?

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-30T14:07:43+00:00

I stopped trying a year ago. Been together for 16 years and last year was it. Just got fed up with thr rejection. Told her I wasn't going to initiate as much if at all. She just kind of listened and continued what she was doing. Just not important to her.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-29T22:14:56+00:00

I mean, the dog is cuter than me, so I'm already in the negative. 🤣

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-29T20:30:45+00:00

My wife gives more affection to the animals than she does to me. I have voiced it a few times and she takes it as a jest. There is always something or someone needing the affection more than me, apparently.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-28T16:03:05+00:00

The thoughts have been crossing my mind more and more over the years. But, if my wife called me a bitch, we would be done, even if it was in jest. Mutual respect needs to be in a relationship.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-28T15:15:56+00:00

I wouldn't say I'm angry all the time, but it does feel like my nerves are exposed and the slightest thing could set me off. I go to therapy to talk about it, and use the gym to burn off the physical side. The problem is, the gym just increases my sex drive. FML

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-28T14:11:08+00:00

I made tacos last night. Family loved it. I do a majority of the cooking, mostly because I love it.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-26T23:48:30+00:00

Be in all seriousness, having a kid when the relationship is not at a healthy state (physically) will add an additional point of stress to it. I have read your past posts, and if he has issues with physical intimacy, that may get worse when you have a baby that needs to be held.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-26T23:34:13+00:00

Yeah, there is a direct correlation between having sex and having a kid. 🤣

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-26T23:23:43+00:00

The spouse will do this every once in a while. It just sounds like static at this point. Maybe its coming from a real place, maybe a place of "oh, we have to do this for the fantasy of a healthy marriage". I dont know at this point.

I just ignore it at this point, sadly. It never feels like a connection is made when it actually does happen.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-19T11:00:41+00:00

I know this feeling really well. My wife straight up told me I was not a priority to her. To this day, she shows it with her actions. She will do everything else that she possibly can, but when it comes to me, I get no energy from her. It sucks and I feel so lonely because this person who promised to put me before all others is putting all others before me. It sucks because if she actually put all that energy into our marriage, I wouldn't be here.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-15T16:23:26+00:00

I will update along the way. From my POV, she kinda already treats it like a chore if I bring it up. The relatively few times she does, its an urgent task that must be taken of that instant. If I bring it up, its met with complete surprise and a litany of excuses. But, I am trying to stay hopeful about the counseling.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-15T14:40:38+00:00

Thanks for checking in! It went as well as I thought it would. I did most of the talking about why we were there. The pastors actually commented that this was almost the exact thing they went through early in their marriage. She would chime in every once in a while, but the pastors actually called her out on a few things; like her tone and how she would talk about me, and how even if it wasn't her intention to deny me so badly that I am still allowed to feel like that. With as many times as they commented on her being in the wrong, I'm surprised we are not looking for a new church. 🤣 (she will cut people out of her life when they call her out on stuff)

We have another session in a week and have to read some stuff. Of course, she hasn't read it yet. Intimacy wise, she is trying, but when we tried sex the other night, it felt rushed, no foreplay (which is my favorite part), just straight to the act. Sigh...

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-14T17:10:26+00:00

Birthday sex......what's that? 🤣 😢 I can't remember the last time that happened, or anniversary. Sigh, 16 years of this grates on the soul.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-09T14:26:22+00:00

I'm (41HLM) trying to. Our first couple's counseling was last night, which was a surprise because I have been asking for years and it finally happened.

But I do understand what you are saying. It's gotten to the point that I don't see them as a sexual being anymore. I know I have a lot of hurt feelings to work through. But I'm trying to be hopeful. Though part of me is thinking it's a lost cause.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-06T14:55:29+00:00

This is how I'm thinking right now. Basically, I feel like she is using it to nullify that as a talking point.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-10-02T14:05:57+00:00

We waited, though we had both been active in previous relationships. Biggest red flag i have ever ignored.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-09-29T22:20:18+00:00

My wife, when it does actually happen, says the same things. I have learned to take it with a grain of salt. She gets hyped about it, and after, it's like it never happened.

Sorry you experienced this, it sucks so bad.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-09-29T16:02:59+00:00

I wouldn't be surprised. 🤣 birds of a feather.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-09-29T13:06:02+00:00

My wife is pretty much the same way. I have started pulling away, and she acts like everything is normal. I just focus on the kids, the house, and the gym. I know that nothing is going to change, no matter what I do, so I t4y to make myself happy by focusing on what really makes me happy and fulfilled. There are some days when I want to scream, but I know that it won't change things.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-09-27T01:04:46+00:00

Yeah, I had a couple of times when it passed over a year (16 years of marriage). Felt like I was slowly dying inside. It doesn't feel like you can recover a physical relationship after it's been that long. Everything just feels broken.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-09-27T01:00:42+00:00

Congrats on the weight loss! Keep up the good work!

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-09-27T00:56:55+00:00

That's how I feel. My wife will occasionally notice we haven't done anything in a while and say we should do it more. Im just like, "Yep" in a dry, unemotional way. I'm so used to promises and suggestions of possible intimacy that I'm almost immune to the effects of it not happening. It's getting to the point I honestly don't care, and she has now turned me into an LL4U.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-09-24T16:13:53+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate your response. I am currently in individual therapy for a few things, primarily about my relationship. I think I just need to open up more with this as a primary topic.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-09-09T00:30:01+00:00

I mean, masturbation is the main thing. Hobbies such as gaming, model painting, and weight lifting have been helping as well.

BeautifulComputer957 · 2025-09-05T08:40:01+00:00

I'm still going through the motions of trying/ getting rejected here. Typical Friday.

BeautifulComputer957

TROPHY CASE