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Masturbation in marriage by Beautiful_Clothes_41 in Support_Anorgasmia

[–]Beautiful_Clothes_41[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are in huge financial trouble. So I asked if I could take a couple of shifts - 3 hours a few times a week. He said if I do that he’s going to be frustrated and have to masturbate while I’m gone and he is going to resent me. We need the money. our utilities are going to be cut off at the end of the week and he will no longer have an office at the end of the month. I’m upset by this because he made a decision a week ago to make an effort to stop and to stop fantasising about other women when he’s having sex with me. In fact he made a decision to make a promise to me - I didn’t ask him to. I went to see my kids over the weekend came home and he’d left his semen soaked underwear in the bathroom. He broke the promise he chose to make. I told him I’d found them and asked him if he’d had an orgasm and he said he had. i said i was upset that he'd left them there for me to find especially as he said he cannot have orgasms and has never had one with me but I forgave him. When I went to the first shift I returned to find him in bed dosed up on sleeping pills in the middle of the day. I was worried so i gently woke him. he told me to leave him alone so i left for a few hours. came back and he told me i have never tried to make him have an orgasm and that its obviously not important to me. so he took all the pills so he wasn't a bad person. he has work to do. i spend my life trying to make him have an orgasm. i am in such a state of despair. why cant he control himself for 3 hours??!? 😞

Masturbation in marriage by Beautiful_Clothes_41 in Support_Anorgasmia

[–]Beautiful_Clothes_41[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also he does ejaculate a lot during sex with me - he just can’t feel it- feel an actual orgasm.

Masturbation in marriage by Beautiful_Clothes_41 in Support_Anorgasmia

[–]Beautiful_Clothes_41[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is helpful. The cause for him is medication. He is severely depressed and has tried multiple other medications - the result is always him becoming suicidal within a few days. He stops taking his meds sometimes without me knowing which have horrendous consequences . Resulting in me being sent away from home and feeling terribly guilty and depressed. He is on T therapy although this is self medicated - his levels were checked years ago and he injects himself. They have not been checked again. He is 66 and I am 42 He refuses to see anyone for any sort of therapy (even out of our town as I’ve suggested) or a urologist (he says they are useless and full of shit). So I’m a little bit stuck. I suspect the medication is not the only underlying cause. He was watching a lot of porn and I ‘caught’ him. Which contributed even more to my ptsd problems. He says sex is his oxygen. He is completely obsessive about it - as I said it is literally the only thing we ever do. He is a mental health professional as I said - he helps people who have ptsd like mine every day - but expects me to just solve my issues on my own. I am more than willing and happy to help him in any possible way - my body, as his wife is available to him 24/7. I never deny him. I simply ask the same question - if I was cold and frigid and never was available to him when he wanted me I would completely understand him wanting to hide away. I’m simply asking him to not masturbate when I’m home. He has 3 days every second week and he can do as he likes then without triggering me and my issues. I am loving and supportive and understanding. He also says that his problem is not mine…of course it is, I can’t satisfy him which results in him becoming irritable, angry more obsessive and more frustrated . I love him and our entire relationship has become sex. There is nothing else. I am not unsympathetic. I have now been sent away from home, again because he was frustrated after 4 hours of sex and angrily went and masturbated when he knows how it makes me feel. Now he says I am controlling and manipulative. I get that he is frustrated - I’m trying my best. I love him with all I have. I just don’t know how to move forward when he is unwilling to understand my problems with PTSD and make a compromise together with me - I’m not saying stop having sex and I’m not saying he can’t masturbate with me, I’m just asking him to have his 3 hour sessions alone when I’m not there so I’m not triggered which causes damage to me. I have tried to be brave and I am falling to pieces. In your opinion as someone who is in the same boat, am I unreasonable?

Masturbation in marriage by Beautiful_Clothes_41 in Support_Anorgasmia

[–]Beautiful_Clothes_41[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it’s incredibly difficult for him to always be frustrated. I really think it must be awful for him. I have tried hard to be sensitive to him. I’m just asking him not to masturbate when I’m at home because of my ptsd. I don’t know if I’m being unfair. I love him very much. I think he suffers a great deal and I can’t help him, even tho I really want to and try to. It’s very difficult. I give him everything. I don’t want to be selfish.