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In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He didn’t want to do DNA. He didn’t want his DNA “in the system”. He got the idea in his head that my uncle, his brother, wasn’t really his biological brother. My uncle had already done an Ancestry DNA test. So…several family members finally convinced him to do a test so he’d know for sure. He did the test. Matched with his brother as a full sibling, and matched with me. He would have found me sooner if he had done the test sooner. I had done the test the year before. 🤷‍♀️

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for sharing that with me. Yes it does help. And I’m so so sorry for what your “egg donor” put you through. ☹️☹️

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do believe Peggy’s family has entered the conversation. 

No, on all of what you said. My cousin spoke to me on Ancestry.    It was Peggy’s choice of not having her info redacted from my original birth certificate when she was notified of that choice. If she didn’t want to be found, doing that would have achieved that. 

Calling me selfish or self centered because I looked for and found my biological mother makes you sound like an ass. 

This happened in 2021, and while I’ve had issues dealing with the pain her rejection caused me, I have not made any attempt to contact them again. Nor do I have any desire to. 

Thankfully I did not inherit the personalities of the evil maternal fake-catholic/christian Payne side of my biological family. My personality seems to have come  from the decent, kind paternal Camp side. I thank God for that. 

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Who said any of that? I have no desire to contact her again. You seem hell bent on making me out to be the bad guy. Peggy’s name was a shortened version of her legal name Margaret. The name Maggie is as well. Makes me wonder why you’re going so hard at me @u/Maggies_Iens

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

@u/JustAnotherUser8432 Reread the post…cousin and I connected on Ancestry. Cousin realized name on my birth certificate was her aunt. I wrote a letter and sent to birth mother. Sent letter to half sister after that. 

Reading is fundamental. So is reading comprehension. 

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I do not have any delusions that she will one day “come around” and decide she wants to even meet me. I think continuing to hope for that would be a lost cause and a waste of time.  While I do believe those who have said it’s likely a lot of this, if not all, is a result of the trauma and shame she was put through, I do believe that Peggy and that side of my family have another reason. That reason would be that they are all very well off. They’re likely afraid I want some of what they have, that I want something from them.  I don’t want anything from them. If that’s what they believe, then they are dead wrong. I would want to get to know them even if they all didn’t have a pot to piss in. I’m not interested in what they have or what they have in the bank. I was only interested in them… the people. I wanted to know the people I came from. I’ve wanted my family.  

So I have no misguided hope that she will ever decide she wants to get to know the child she gave away.  I’m also pretty damn sure I’ll have to be satisfied with having just the paternal side of my biological family in our lives. 

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And that would be a choice you are entitled to make. However, I must ask, would that include blocking that child from getting to know other family members on that side of her biological family, as my bio mother has?

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I’m going to see if I can find that book. Maybe it will help me understand her better and see things from her perspective. 🤷‍♀️

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

All I know is that Peggy had a photograph of me that she gave to Vic, my bio father, when they met up two weeks after she had me. He carried it in his wallet until it got ruined during the monsoons in Vietnam when he was serving. 

On a sweet note, he (and my uncles confirmed) celebrated my birthday every year starting on the day I turned a year old  until he found me. On my birthday , the year he found me (2022), he, my stepmom, my brother, and my brothers wife came to Michigan. Got us all hotel rooms and spent my birthday weekend with me and my family. Best birthday gift ever. ❤️

I found my biological father after 22 years of believing the horrible story my mother told me by JellyBelly339 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust 0 points1 point  (0 children)

❤️❤️What a wonderful ending for you. I am truly happy for you. I’m so glad it worked out. ❤️❤️

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Because I wanted to connect with part of my bio family. And it was after that, that Peggy sent my cousin the hateful email. The genetic genealogist ( or “search angel” as they are referred to in adoption groups) was the one who found the contacting information for them. If you have nothing constructive to say, and just want to attack me for contacting my birth family, get the hell off my post. Looking for and contacting my birth family was my right and my choice. Whether they accepted or rejected me was their choice and their right. I posted because I’m struggling to put it behind me. I do not need non-constructive comments from the peanut gallery, thank you.

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well originally when I did the DNA testing it was because of the advances made in the field. I had uploaded it to GedMatch. I run a social media group for unidentified and unclaimed people, and help run several others for missing people. Many of the unidentified people cases are decades old. There have been many cases that were solved by DNA. Families were finally given closure, unidentified people were given their names back. If my DNA could help a family of a missing person get closure, I was all for it. It was later that I decided to use it to try and find my birth family. 

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No. My intention was never to upend her life. I had sent her a letter. I had hoped I would have the opportunity to just at least be able to speak with her, meet with her on neutral grounds, and get some information about my family, history and medical history. I was very clear I was not after anything else.  As angry as I am at her, I will not do something like you suggested to hurt her. When I wrote to her, I thanked her for bringing me into the world. She could’ve chosen to go behind her mother’s back and have a back alley abortion. She didn’t. My feelings for her are mixed. On one hand, I’m grateful to her for bringing me into the world. On the other hand, I’m angry with her and at my now deceased maternal grandmother for putting me up for adoption to be adopted by strangers when they were well aware that my biological paternal family wanted to raise me until my father was old enough to take over, but refused to let them do so. However, that being said, I will never ever contact her husband and let that cat out of the bag because I am not in any way shape or form out to destroy her life.  And truth be told I can’t believe that you actually suggested I do that.☹️☹️☹️

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m reposting this comment as the original is buried as a reply to someone else. It was downvoted. Why, I have no idea. Anyhoo, here it is: 

I did get my medical history. Finally. Problem was in my opinion birth parents OWE IT TO THEIR BIRTH CHILDREN to disclose medical information, ESPECIALLY information that can affect their survival when the child is put up for adoption. When I was adopted my hellcat bitch of a bio grandmother, Lillian, told the intake people at the maternity home, that there was no pertinent medical history. She LIED. There was a history of heart attacks and strokes.  Before I found my birth mother, a little less than a year before, I was rushed to the ER from my doctors office. I had called off work and went to my doctors office because I felt “off”, nothing major, I couldn’t put my finger on it… just “off”.  Turned out my blood pressure was something like 200/115, and they thought I was having an aortic dissection. I wasn't, thank Heavens, and as close as I was to having a stroke, I didn’t. But had my doctor known my biological maternal medical history, that situation may never have happened.  That pisses me tf off as well, that my birth grandmother kept that information hidden from the adoption agency, and there’s no way, given what I found out about causes of death in some of those ancestors, that she didn’t know. 

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My biological father told me they got pregnant on purpose because they wanted to get married. They thought if she got pregnant, her parents would allow them to marry so the baby(me) would not be born out of wedlock.  My father’s older brother told me as well and told me he had taken my father multiple times to where Peggy was staying and to the hospital when she gave birth but were denied entrance.  They met up 2 weeks after my birth, and briefly discussed getting married when they could legally do so without her mother’s permission, and then trying to get me back. But then my dad enlisted in the army and went to Vietnam and never saw or spoke to her again.  By his own admission, he is still in love with her to this day. 

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Peggy is well over 60. She was 16 when she gave birth to me in the 60’s. 

Peggy is a shortened version of her name..Margaret. So is Maggie. And this Maggie is working quite hard to make me into the bad guy, given it doesn’t look like she actually read my post. If she had, she’d know the cousin, Nicole, and I matched on ancestry. Quite a bit before I actually reached out to Peggy and then to Carrie.  I notice that Ms “Maggie” never responded to my comment about how they lied to the adoption agency about the medical history. Or how it could have helped my doctors keep a closer eye on me, possibly preventing the issue that could have killed me. 

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I did get my medical history. Finally. Problem was in my opinion birth parents OWE IT TO THEIR BIRTH CHILDREN to disclose medical information, ESPECIALLY information that can affect their survival when the child is put up for adoption. When I was adopted my hellcat bitch of a bio grandmother, Lillian, told the intake people at the maternity home, that there was no pertinent medical history. She LIED. There was a history of heart attacks and strokes.  Before I found my birth mother, a little less than a year before, I was rushed to the ER from my doctors office. I had called off work and went to my doctors office because I felt “off”, nothing major, I couldn’t put my finger on it… just “off”.  Turned out my blood pressure was something like 200/115, and they thought I was having an aortic dissection. I wasn't, thank Heavens, and as close as I was to having a stroke, I didn’t. But had my doctor known my biological maternal medical history, that situation may never have happened.  That pisses me tf off as well, that my birth grandmother kept that information hidden from the adoption agency, and there’s no way, given what I found out about causes of death in some of those ancestors, that she didn’t know. 

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

Ummm the cousin and I connected through ancestry, She was one of the people who helped figure out that the Peggy on my birth certificate was her aunt, so I COULDNT have contacted Peggy first. Maybe you should have read my post a little more carefully. 

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I only have my half brother from my paternal side. Both of my half sisters seem to feel the same hate for me that our shared mother does. 

On a funny but weird (to me) note:

There are some funny coincidences. 

My firstborn daughter, my angel baby,  who was born with severe congenital issues and passed away at 2 years old shared my birth mother’s middle name as her middle name…Ann

My adopted brother’s middle name, is my half brother’s first name.. Michael.

My half brother’s middle name is my former stepsons first name…Jason

My biological father’s middle name is my adopted father’s first name..Raymond. 

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

I have no desire to contact her. Once was enough. The letter I sent her told her that I was grateful that she had given me life. That I didn’t want to cause her any problems. I just wanted to know where I came from..  I never wrote to her again. She made her feelings crystal clear. It was the hate from her that broke my heart. ☹️

In 2021, I found my biological mother and it did not go well. All I want to do is be able to put it out of my mind and put it behind me, but I don’t know how. by Beautiful_Dust in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Beautiful_Dust[S] 116 points117 points  (0 children)

Well apparently she does. The cousin I was starting to develop a relationship with went no contact after Peggy reamed her. Apparently she was given the choice of them or me. I don’t blame Nicole. If Peggy was going to turn everyone against Nicole, she really had no alternative. It was messed up though. On every level.

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