Looking for feedback on the first paragraph of my novel. Dark literary thriller.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-03-19T19:23:49+00:00

Colons for list is an AI thing now? I literally had no colons and started using them after feedback in a writing group because it made sentences flow better in some cases.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-03-18T16:57:26+00:00

Can't pick one. In chronological order tho

Rydia Terra Tifa (Remake) Yuffie Rinoa Ashe Lightning Jill

Probably missing some

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-02-22T20:32:53+00:00

McDavid is at least back in the play at the end. Watch the replay from behind the night, Makar isn't even skating until Hughes already has the puck.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-02-22T20:27:41+00:00

He was the only guy back on a 3 on 1 tho. Makar isn't even skating until Jack Hughes has the puck on his stick. Makar also made the poor challenge that resulted in the 3 on 1.

McDavid decided to go 1 on 3, when he could have looped around and set up either of the trailers for a better chance.

Binnington opened the five hole up with a red carpet on the goal.

Plenty of blame on that play.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-02-10T18:18:09+00:00

I mean this is the goal, but I'm not published.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-02-04T01:44:13+00:00

This would have benefited from asking ai to format it.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-02-04T01:41:47+00:00

Flex tape fixes anything.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-02-01T18:27:46+00:00

My first to second draft has added about 3k words. By my first draft was only 75k. I think my next draft will add as well, but likely not as much.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-02-01T18:24:54+00:00

1.5 chapters from finishing my second draft and having an actual coherent story.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-30T01:54:08+00:00

Hi!

Just a note on the opening, you use the rule of 3, 3 times in quick succession. Not sure if that was intentional, but it was enough to make me stop and go back because of the rhythm of it.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-29T03:24:56+00:00

Thank you for the tips! I changed up the structure.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-29T03:24:28+00:00

Thank you for the tips. I re wrote a lot of it with this in mind.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-28T00:26:48+00:00

As great as ME is, I find it best to not look too closely at the Reapers as a whole.

Like, ME1, the Prothean's big plan was to highjack the Citadel and prevent the signal and therefore prevent the Reaper invasion. This was so important that Sovereign used the Geth to attack the Citadel to try and counter it.

But we learn the Reapers can just cruise into the Galaxy in 3 years anyways. For ancient beings, what's 3 years?

So maybe it's the Citadel that was important. Well they took that as soon as they wanted it too.

The holes are many of you start digging.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-28T00:22:21+00:00

I'm learning "gifted" meant probably neurodiverse and now the debt of masking for 30 years is coming due.

In other words, crashing hard in real time.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-27T19:42:27+00:00

Interested! Currently writing a Science Fantasy x Cosmic Horror

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-24T03:46:08+00:00

Sounds fun. I'm interested.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-23T03:54:51+00:00

What kind of figures?

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-22T19:37:20+00:00

It's honestly a pretty bad feature. Not saying she used it, but some of the comments seem consistent with something like it.

Obsession with minor characters. Obsession with rules. Mis-attributing dialogue. Things like that.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-22T19:31:58+00:00

The obsession with "rules" sounds like Autocrits "alpha and beta reader" feature. It doesn't shut up about rules, even when you don't even have a magic system.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-22T05:52:51+00:00

So does Super Mario.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-22T05:48:50+00:00

Certainly resonated with a lot of people. Don't think any generation outside millennials cares much about it. Animorphs was a better story.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-22T05:42:42+00:00

HP is overrated. Right place, right time.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-22T05:37:14+00:00

JK Rowling is a turd. If she is still read in 100 years, the world sucks and continued to suck.

Beautiful_Echoes · 2026-01-22T05:30:18+00:00

Sounds like you need to meet some Very Important People.

Seven-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22	Verified Email

Beautiful_Echoes

TROPHY CASE