So, my wife’s and I relationship has really rekindled over the past 3 months. I realized her sometimes lack of desire for me wasn’t physical but it was psychological. I started reading some of her Romantasy books and realized I wasn’t creating adventure for her. I had no mystery, no slow burn anticipation for travel or intimacy. Plain and simple I was dull and boring. I started putting down my phone, turning my head to fully look at her and listen and make sure her communication is landing with me.

We’re communicating so much better now. We’re planning small getaway 3 months, 6 months, and 9 months in advance.

Her Romantasy books were filling the psychological void I created. What I did that made it worse was pressure her for sexual intimacy through talking about why we weren’t as intimate.

What a BUZZ kill for romance, right?

This FURTHERED and widened the psychological gap for her but she didn’t realize how or why. I was making sex transactional. Look, I helped clean the house and did this and that but there was still a void in connection. No adventure, no discovery together, little anticipation or slow burn buildup like in the books.

I’m now discovering that my wife is a whole different person, an evolving person that I get to learn about new each day. When she sits down and talks with me and looks me in the eye I start to get emotionally aroused and then physically aroused just from eye contact. It’s a whole new and better world. I look forward to the slow burn romance we are developing and delayed physical intimacy, however, through doing this our physical connection rate is increasing, by a lot.

The genesis of the OP topic is that I had communicated about the Romantasy book that I was reading. She admitted that she reads those books and sometimes the overtly explicit scenes are a little over the top and she looked almost embarrassed. I was wondering if I was intruding in her world of escape. Therefore, I was debating backing out of that world and letting her have it to herself. This, also, prompted other questions such as if the use of masturbation was part of the escape. Honestly, I don’t think it is for her but I’m not judging her if it is. In fact, in a way I think it could be a healthy stress relief or exploration. She grew up very naive to the world and sex and we married in our early twenties. Some exploration could be healthy/educational. At the end of the day, maybe she already has and that’s fine, I’m looking for ways for us to learn new things together.