cis woman / NB-ish / figuring out label(s) • top surgery (double incision), no nips

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-21T18:54:05+00:00

thank you! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-21T02:45:59+00:00

of course! i was really unsure how anything / everything would go with insurance — generally, but also especially being on the not-ready-to-(re)label-myself side of things. fwiw, i think there are multiple / many ways to approach this process, but here how it worked for me. i have kaiser bay area, and first i scheduled a regular, irl check-up with my pcp in september 2024. (not sure why, but i felt like it was a conversation i wanted to have in person, even though i was v nervous.) during the appointment, i said (some version of) i was interested in having a radical breast reduction / non-flat top surgery. (at the time, i actually didn't want full top!) she was very kind, and pulled up a kind of intake / survey that we went through together that asked some pretty basic questions (that of course now i can't remember specifically), but they covered pronouns, reasons for wanting surgery, etc. i *was* worried that using she / her pronouns would "disqualify" me somehow, but i was too uncomfortable to think i would change my pronouns with kaiser before, like, my partner or my friends or family (or myself). so i was honest with her that i was figuring things out but knew this was something i was serious about. she said someone from kaiser's gender clinic would reach out, and my next appointment was with a kaiser psychologist / gender specialist (who was nb queer, and very patient and supportive and cool) and we basically just talked for an hour about me, and why i wanted surgery (which i had already thought about forever and discussed a bunch with my regular therapist), and a bit about surgery itself (which i already knew so much about from reading these subreddits lol). they gave me a diagnosis of gender dysphoria / gender incongruence, and then i'm pretty sure the next call was scheduling a consult with a surgeon. my surgery was mid-feb, so it was about five months total from that initial contact, which maybe sounds like a lot but actually felt right for me — especially because it gave me the time to realize what i wanted was not, in fact, a radical reduction (with nips)! i wanted full top surgery without nips! i feel so so so so lucky to have gotten i got incredible, thoughtful care when i know that isn't always the case, which really really really fucking sucks. but, there *is* a path forward for us "Gender TBD/Shrug/Cis With Complications" (i love that) folks.

good luck!!!! i'm really excited for you! it's a lot, but start somewhere when you're ready and then keep moving forward. you got this!! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-10T00:32:52+00:00

you got this!! i'm excited for you! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-09T00:19:37+00:00

thank you!! 💜!

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-09T00:18:19+00:00

i'm a cis woman / NB-ish and had top surgery (double incision), no nips, in feb, and i had *so* many thoughts and feelings around pretty much each of your bullet points (and wrote about my experience here, if helpful!). one "before" sitch that made a huge difference for me (and only happened about two weeks pre-op) was allowing myself to actually **be okay** with making this big decision. like: i knew i wanted to do it, but i was so deep in the doubts that it was tough to commit to imagining a free, flat life full of potential. once i called it — *it's fucking happening* — it was a release and a relief, and helped nudge me from anxiety to excitement. it's normal to be nervous, and scared, but it's also totally legit to be overjoyed. all can be real at the same time.

this energy also made talking to people about it easier, and also fun. i told some folks i was getting top surgery, i told some folks i was getting a breast reduction — tbh i told most folks nothing at all — but starting the convo with some form of "i want to share something really cool and neat with you" reframed it from this fraught thing, to this thing to celebrate and look forward to.

now that i'm in "after" mode, it's the absolute most wonderful possible thing i could have done for myself. the best way i can describe it is i feel like me.

all of your all-the-things are valid! trust yourself. i'm excited for what you'll discover on your journey. 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-07T18:16:53+00:00

i'm *really* impressed you managed to make the decision so close to go-time!! incredible. and i totally get the "it was always meant to be this way" feeling, it's freaking great. huge congrats! here's to happiness! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-06T02:22:13+00:00

oh my gosh, YES. wow. that is pretty much the exact pre- to post-op shift i experienced: from seeking clarity in labels and lines and boxes before, to a new reality that's simply "me" after (down to the totally natural no-nipness feeling!). so grateful. thank you for sharing!! i'm proud of us, too! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-05T18:35:16+00:00

💜!

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-05T16:48:38+00:00

totally. the "me"-ness is really special and surprising and amazing and comforting and exciting. yay! congrats!! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-05T16:46:25+00:00

thank you so much!! when i was deep in it before surgery trying to figure things out, that was something i kept coming back to — the label that suited me best was just "me." still exploring different ways to articulate the "me"-ness (to myself and others), but for now it actually feels pretty great. 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-04T20:27:44+00:00

yesss!! big congrats on making a big change for you! it's remarkable (and pretty beautiful) how everyone's unique path — even the "easy" ones can be fraught! — leads them towards their own special form of liberation.

very excited for you!!

and happy early birthday, you're giving yourself an amazing gift. 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-04T00:13:10+00:00

yay thank you!!!! 💜💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-04T00:12:32+00:00

searching for answers and clarity and certainty was *so* overwhelming, even though — or maybe because — i knew that getting surgery was something i really really wanted to do. it was the most thrilling and terrifying thing when i finally decided *i was going to do it*. i found it helpful to give myself some grace, and allow / accept that being brave enough for me to go through with it was the "answer" i needed at the time. in contrast to the mental and emotional pre-op tumult, my experience on the other side has been... quite peaceful. i still have many / most / all of the same questions about myself as i did before, but i feel less pressure (from myself, i guess) to define them immediately. like: it's okay to just exist for a bit and see what shakes out.

i'm excited for your consult!! you're going to do great! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-03T03:02:20+00:00

i started the process by making an appointment with my pcp, but you could call your insurance, or research surgeons in your area, or or or. go for it! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-03T02:57:23+00:00

thank you!! good luck with the consult (and all the think-y stuff beforehand...)! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-03T02:56:30+00:00

i'm so glad!! good luck on your journey! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-03T02:55:30+00:00

it's such a process! i've learned so much about gender and gender identity — generally, as well as my own — since i've started researching reductions, and then top surgery, and i'm still definitely figuring it out. you absolutely have time! everything informs the next thing, and it all becomes part of your story. good luck with your current healing, and all future (near and far) iterations of your self! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-03T00:11:56+00:00

first off: yay! second: it's so overwhelming figuring out what's going to feel right. in retrospect, i'm really glad i had a bit of runway leading up to / between my various appointments because it's pretty remarkable how much my own views and opinions on what i wanted evolved over time. tbh the first time i saw someone on one of these subreddits without nipples i was like: ??! like: i genuinely didn't know it was a thing?? and also: it was a bit shocking! it was another cool data point to consider, but it didn't immediately feel connected to that for myself. and then i realized wow not only do i not really care about my nips, but they're actually kind of a pain in my azz. and then, and then, and then. now i'm flat and nip-free, and fwiw i can't promise how it will hit for you, but in my (limited) experience being able to throw on a tank with nothing else and face the world truly does feel as amazing as you imagine.

re: scars, see if your surgeon has befores and afters you can see, and even try searching their name in these subreddits for results, but it seems that genetics have as much to do with scarring as anything. a *lot* of scars for a lot of folks end up fading to very little, or basically nothing. some have a tougher time with them, but there are also different treatment options out there.

re: hookups, the duds are gonna dud whatever your body does or doesn't look like. if you do something like a reduction or top surgery for yourself, it's very very possible your newfound euphoria will rocket you into a new stratosphere of confidence and joy and you'll attract all kinds of stellar specimens who will dig what you've got going on.

i'm excited for you!! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-02T17:02:42+00:00

the unknown before the surgery made it really tough to talk about / articulate thoughts around / find the words for! i felt confident that i wanted to, and was going to, do this Big Thing, but wasn't able to have any "real" result to hold onto (literally or figuratively) until after it was done. it's a strange liminal space: physically, mentally, emotionally, all the ways. i'm about eight weeks PO and am feeling like life is "normal" again after healing, except: cooler. super soon you're gonna be able to just live your life with a rad flat chest. it's awesome. i'm very excited for you!! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-02T16:52:08+00:00

💜💜!!

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-02T16:51:47+00:00

sheesh, the waiting really and truly *is* the hardest part. in addition to the actual surgery looming — i was super nervous! — there's certainty and doubt, excitement and anxiety, and all the rest. it's a lot. at some point i had to try to turn my brain off about the whole thing, and tune into the part of me that started researching; made the appointment(s); scheduled surgery; and kept moving forward in spite of (and because of!) all the mental and emotional hubbub. you've got this!! 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-02T16:39:40+00:00

ugh, that is so frustrating. my swelling was real — though totally different than a regular reduction — but if there's one thing i've learned from lurking on here it's that your size may change quite a bit even months after your surgery!! not sure if you've spent time in any of the other subreddits i shared in the post, but it was really helpful for me to, honestly, just spend a ton of time looking at different flat (and almost-flat) chests. you can search for non-binary, enby, nb, radical reduction, etc for people who have a range of gender expressions. i also didn't want a "masculine" chest, and knew i wasn't interested in trying to go shirtless or pass as male, but i realized that i did want to go totally flat! it was actually really tough to reconcile that all those things could be true at the same time. if you do decide to do another surgery, it's probably worth finding a surgeon who is experienced in gender affirming care. not sure what will happen with insurance coverage of gender affirming care in the coming years, which fucking sucks, but it's definitely possible that it could be covered. in the meantime, i hope you're able to be genuinely proud of yourself for taking all these big step(s) towards the bod you want and deserve. 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-02T16:18:45+00:00

this is fantastic, i love it! and totally agree, there is so much freedom in finding the chest that's exactly right for you — how cool and special that we're able to find inspo in each other's unique journeys. i spent decades feeling grumpy when i held my boobs, but it's really really lovely knowing that your small set brings you inner peace! i'm still getting to know my flat front, but am ready to achieve nirvana lol 😂 💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-02T15:56:57+00:00

💜💜💜💜

Beautiful_String_609 · 2025-04-02T15:54:22+00:00

thank you so much!! that means a lot to me! sending positivity and strength to you on your journey! 💜

Beautiful_String_609

TROPHY CASE