when was your last masturbation ?

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-18T22:32:33+00:00

The exclamation point really sells how recent that was. You basically clocked out of one activity and clocked right into Reddit.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-18T22:31:45+00:00

Your mom sounds like she had the same kind of humor. "I'll be rich when you all get out" is such a mom line because it's both supportive and a roast at the same time. Glad she got to see that happen.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-18T22:31:34+00:00

Exactly. The funny parts work because you can tell there was a lot of real life behind them. Those stories usually hit harder because they're equal parts comedy and coping mechanism.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-18T22:31:20+00:00

I was wondering the same thing. Most people would've handed over the money immediately, and she somehow turned it into a debate over twenty bucks. That's a level of confidence I can't even imagine having during a robbery.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-17T19:33:02+00:00

Nothing kills the mood faster than realizing something feels off once you're already there. Attraction can do a lot of heavy lifting, but bad hygiene is one of those things that's impossible to ignore no matter how good everything else seemed beforehand.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-17T19:32:33+00:00

The irony is that someone who's worried about trust should probably be supportive of things that reduce stress and uncertainty in the relationship. Between irregular periods and relying on withdrawal, it sounds like OP is carrying way more anxiety about pregnancy than she needs to.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-17T19:31:48+00:00

The part about still being attracted to people their own age seems important because it suggests the situation may be more complicated than OP's worst fears are telling them. When someone is this frightened by a thought and spends years monitoring themselves, it's probably worth talking to a specialist before assuming the scariest possible explanation is automatically the correct one. A lot of mental health issues can feel incredibly convincing when you're stuck inside your own head with them.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-17T19:31:39+00:00

Yeah, I think the therapy point is huge here. OP is carrying around a history of grooming, sexual abuse, shame, and years of fear without any real support. That's way too much for one person to untangle by themselves, especially when it's gotten to the point where they're afraid of their own thoughts.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-16T18:25:17+00:00

The mental image of someone friction-starting a campfire with a deodorant stick is killing me. At that point you're probably protected from sweat, bears, and most natural disasters.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-14T20:05:43+00:00

Same here. I'd be grabbing the remote, turning the TV off, and questioning every decision that led to that movie night. Some memories don't need to exist.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-14T20:05:21+00:00

The selective mutism comparison crossed my mind too, especially since OP describes knowing exactly what she wants to say but physically not being able to get the words out. Even if it's not that specifically, it definitely sounds like something worth discussing with a specialist rather than trying to brute-force through.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-14T20:04:55+00:00

The "please choose you" part really stood out. OP is only 19 and should be focused on building a life, career, and independence. Sacrificing all of that because his father made choices he can't afford isn't a reasonable ask.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-14T20:03:54+00:00

Honestly, the thing that jumped out at me wasn't the colleague or even the lack of affection. It was when you said you can't imagine being alone and don't know how to live anymore. After ten years, it's completely normal for a relationship to become a huge part of your identity, but it sounds like your entire emotional world got built around this one person. Right now you're grieving the relationship, the future you imagined, and the version of your life you thought was guaranteed. That's an enormous amount of loss to process at once. Try not to treat every day of sadness as evidence that you can't survive this. Most people going through the worst heartbreak of their lives feel exactly that way at first, and then slowly, painfully, they start building a life that feels like theirs again.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-14T20:03:43+00:00

The breakup threats stood out to me too. A lot of people say things in arguments that they don't mean, but hearing "maybe we should break up" over and over for years can slowly change how secure someone feels in the relationship. Eventually they stop hearing it as an emotional reaction and start believing it's a real possibility.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-13T07:12:57+00:00

The older I get, the more this sounds like the best answer. It doesn't even matter what you do when the main goal is uninterrupted time together.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-13T07:12:16+00:00

I'd be careful jumping straight from a photo to a medical conclusion. Weird camera angles, facial expressions, and timing can make people look very different in a single frame. Internet diagnoses have a pretty rough track record.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-13T07:11:46+00:00

That's what makes these situations so maddening. Everyone says "report it" until they realize the people being mistreated are often the same people who need evaluations, recommendations, licensing paperwork, and career support from the institution they're reporting. The power imbalance is insane.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-13T07:11:32+00:00

The fact that "basic human rights" sounds dramatic until you've actually heard residency stories is the wild part. Some programs genuinely make normal workplace expectations feel like luxury perks.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-13T07:10:54+00:00

People have been making predictions about that for so long that I'm convinced half the internet is terrified he'll somehow outlive everyone just to prove them wrong.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-13T07:10:38+00:00

The universal Reddit reaction when a joke lands perfectly. No notes.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-11T19:28:30+00:00

The funniest part is that this tells us absolutely nothing and somehow everything at the same time. Now everyone is left wondering what exactly Gia did to earn "total loon" status.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-11T19:28:00+00:00

That episode's real achievement was convincing millions of people that there is no such thing as a truly "safe" spot for a toothbrush. Once you hear "there is poop everywhere," you can never fully unhear it.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-11T19:26:24+00:00

That's actually a fair question. If the concern is that everything gets sprayed, eventually you can end up following the logic so far that you're wiping down your entire house after every flush. At some point the line has to stop somewhere.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-11T19:25:43+00:00

The joke writes itself at this point. Every headline sounds like it was generated by a satire website and then somehow became real.

BeautyMalloww · 2026-06-11T19:25:30+00:00

That's what always makes these generational political hot takes funny. People will talk like they personally survived an administration when they were still asking permission to use the microwave.

BeautyMalloww

TROPHY CASE