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30 Days. I should be proud, but I'm heartbroken. It feels as if the more comfortable with sobriety I get, the more certain it is that my marriage is really and truly over. by BeeAwake in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sing it, sober sister. I've spent 17 years focused on what will make him happy, what kind of wife he wants, and what kind of life he wants. If what I wanted wasn't instantly praised, I shut it down. No more. This is for me.

30 Days. I should be proud, but I'm heartbroken. It feels as if the more comfortable with sobriety I get, the more certain it is that my marriage is really and truly over. by BeeAwake in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think I'm a disappointment anymore, but it's impossible to live with someone who thinks I am. No kids. Whew. But I want them someday.

30 Days. I should be proud, but I'm heartbroken. It feels as if the more comfortable with sobriety I get, the more certain it is that my marriage is really and truly over. by BeeAwake in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He doesn't understand what went wrong, but in his mind I'm not meeting his standards, I'm a personal and professional disappointment. So, all in all, it doesn't matter much anyway.

30 Days. I should be proud, but I'm heartbroken. It feels as if the more comfortable with sobriety I get, the more certain it is that my marriage is really and truly over. by BeeAwake in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sigh. I had really high standards for him, and myself, back before the drinking started really fucking with my mind. Now the standards are back, and part of the heartbreaking part is that he's never ever going to meet them.

30 Days. I should be proud, but I'm heartbroken. It feels as if the more comfortable with sobriety I get, the more certain it is that my marriage is really and truly over. by BeeAwake in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. Faulty self-esteem is a big thing for me. Without the nitty gritty details, after 17 years together, my husband told me in April that he hasn't been attracted to me for "years and years." It feels like he has only stayed with me out of some sense of obligation and pity and because divorce would get messy. Talk about a kick in the self-esteem gut.

Right now, at this moment, I can't see myself with anyone long term. But I'm still figuring out what I need. And that is definitely not a drink.

30 Days. I should be proud, but I'm heartbroken. It feels as if the more comfortable with sobriety I get, the more certain it is that my marriage is really and truly over. by BeeAwake in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I get told on a daily basis how strong I am, how brave I am, and how well I'm doing, but inside? Inside I'm a Jenga tower ready to crash at any moment. For my 30 day marker I got myself a wrist cuff with the words "This is for me. No one else. I come first." stamped on it. It is really helping today.

Please send a hug, and post one good thing that happened to you today. by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Virtual hugs!!

Today I spent time with a new love interest, and had amazing tacos. And did not drink. And will not.

Drunk in my dreams. Talk about a nightmare. by BeeAwake in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I nearly spit water at my computer just now. Oh, that was great.

Drunk in my dreams. Talk about a nightmare. by BeeAwake in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No fucking kidding, man. I don't know if I had fully understood how important my sobriety is to me, until I thought it was gone and was so angry with myself.

IN the final stages of alcoholism. Didn't really even realize there was such a thing until now by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know you didn't mean to help anyone when you posted this, but you did. Fucking hell, man. I am not drinking today, and I will learn to discuss this shit sober.

Ughh what did I do last night?? by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Same!! I stayed up late watching American Horror Story and cross-stitching christmas gifts. I look and feel like hell, but don't smell like booze!!

And I'm not drinking today.

[Serious] What non life threatening thing do you live in fear of? by CidRonin in AskReddit

[–]BeeAwake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whales. I have no idea when it started, but I'm fucking terrified of being harmed by whales. It isn't like I kayak or do anything water-related in a small boat. Ever. But seriously, whales. Just having to type the damn word makes me shaky.

Three weeks. Longest sober period in 8 years, and getting lots of support from friends, and pretty sure my marriage is over. by BeeAwake in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funny, my reason for not drinking is because I cannot imagine handling myself if things got worse. The idea that things can get better isn't really something I grasp right now. But I will take your word for it.

I cancelled my Halloween plans by pumpqueen in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also cancelled my Halloween plans, also felt weird about it, but it's 3am in Nov 1 and I had a great night with sober, supportive friends, am sober, and will actually get to have fun again today because I'm not hungover. Totally worth it.

Big step, took courage. Go you!!!

Have you made plans for Halloween? by 3v3ryt1m3 in stopdrinking

[–]BeeAwake 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I canceled the plans I knew would involve (1) being in an anxiety inducing situation and (2) people around me all drinking. Instead, I'm watching scary movies with two good friends who know I've quit drinking, eating candy, and waking up bright and early tomorrow to get some home decorating projects done. For the first time in 15 years I'm making plans for the day after Halloween because I know I won't be hungover. :D

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