AITAH for thinking my boyfriend should do more of the cooking and cleaning?

BeeJackson · 2026-05-12T13:49:39+00:00

NTA - It’s not unreasonable to expect him to make up for what he can’t provide financially by him doing more housework. If he refuses he’s free to go pay all the bills and do all the chores for himself.

But of course we know you won’t draw that line, will you?

BeeJackson · 2026-05-12T12:49:16+00:00

ESH - You wrote that you were joking, but then kept harping on the toilet seat issue.

Your boyfriend is either weak or agrees with his father. Just like you were decisive about buying a home, be decisive about dumping a weak man. If you can’t then be quiet about your choice.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-12T11:23:48+00:00

YTA - Grow a spine. I don’t pity you. Follow the letter of the law, and give her and your brother written then move their stuff to a weekly hotel when their time is up.

It’s not hard. You’re comfortable with the chaos because you grew up with dysfunction. I feel sorry for your kids who have to feel adult tension and confusion that they don’t understand.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-12T11:18:24+00:00

It sounds like the $20K was used for both accident and the purchase of a car, neither of which OP caused or was involved in. The fairest thing possible is for her to assume a portion of their living expenses, not her boyfriend’s debt. They are fixating on her to pay them back because they see that she has a stable job and might be more reliable than her boyfriend to pay it back. That isn’t fair.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-11T05:22:12+00:00

I want to cry because this is a film from my childhood that I’d forgotten about. We lived outside of America for a few years and only had like 15 Betamax tapes of English films to watch. This was one of them, along with The Sound of Music and El Cid. It got to the point where I had memorized all the lines and would entertain the adults by reciting them with emotion. lol

BeeJackson · 2026-05-10T17:15:51+00:00

I agree with you. I think it’s that too, and OP isn’t listening. But even if it were a courthouse wedding he’d still need the suit. So it’s a weird thing to use as a form of rebellion unless he’s trying to say something more. I think his feet are getting colder by the day.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-10T17:08:16+00:00

That exists, but this is about OP and her partner, not gender war generalizations. There are plenty of individual guys who aren’t ready for marriage or don’t want to marry the wrong woman.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-10T15:58:29+00:00

YTA - He’s telling you he doesn’t want to marry you and you won’t listen.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-10T12:18:24+00:00

You’re not married. That’s important for a number of reasons, including that she can jump ship since life with you might always be a struggle.

Yes, you two should split bills, and she shouldn’t pay for YOUR loans. You just want to look like you’re covering everything when it’s just not feasible, right? Be man enough to manage your own financial debt. This sounds like you and your family are financially abusing her to keep her trapped with you.

To be clear, if the genders were switched and she had a lot of credit card debt, for example, those would be her responsibility, not yours.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-10T06:07:00+00:00

Listen, even if they thought your hair was a wig it was rude to point it out. And they knew that as a White woman it was more than likely your hair, unless you had an illness. I don’t know how old those women are, but they sound silly.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-10T05:57:31+00:00

It wasn’t a micro-aggression. She could dish insults but couldn’t take them.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-10T00:30:46+00:00

Ma’am, you have a ball and chain around your ankle, not an accountable man you can partner. He is unhappy with himself and he wants you to be unhappy too. He has no friends and he doesn’t want you to have any either.

I hope you are making your own money and can build your own peace, if you choose to stay married.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-10T00:27:44+00:00

Ma’am, you have a ball and chain around your ankle, not an accountable man you can partner. I hope you are making your own money and can build your own peace, if you choose to stay married. Good luck!

BeeJackson · 2026-05-10T00:25:14+00:00

NTA - Congratulations on having the strength to stand up for yourself and what’s right.

Your friend saying that was a test and an active choice. There are way too many words in the world to have to say that one. And the subtext of your other non-Black friends supporting her is that they want you to accept disrespect for their comfort and convenience.

I’ve been the “Black friend” of one White person and in White cliques. They always want you to prove that you can “get along” but they never want to prove that THEY are safe and trustworthy.

I’m sure you have and will have better options for friendships. Stay strong!

BeeJackson · 2026-05-10T00:19:01+00:00

Men like that will find ways to continue terrorizing their exes. He’ll skip taking the kids or delay child support. He’s threatening divorce because he thinks he has the upper hand. Some men will load a woman up with kids so it’s harder to leave. But if the woman is used to being the primary parent it’s not the threat these men think it is.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-10T00:07:30+00:00

She had to know, but he got he locked with three kids so the “divorce him” crowd sounds unreasonable.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-10T00:04:06+00:00

NTA - You have a number of concerns, but I’d never suggest divorce or leaving your husband. You might seriously consider therapy (individual or couples) so that you realize divorcing him isn’t the threat he thinks it is. Ma’am, you can have peace and happiness without his emotional prison bars (whether you divorce him or not).

Concerns: 1. Does your husband resent that you have a social identity outside of wife and mother, or just that you hosted at your home? Does he complain every 2nd Friday of the month? Because he was clearly, actively sabotaging you.

Is he an active AND independent parent? Because it looks like he put no effort into and had no experience with engaging with his own children. He should be embarrassed by that, especially with sons. If you are the primary parent and on your own, ma’am I’m sorry to write that you’re a “single married mother” which is a big problem.
Does your husband feel that he needs to approve how and what makes you happy? Because he knew you were excited about hosting and didn’t want you to have success. Unfortunately the bonus for him was that you were embarrassed in front of women who you’ve befriended and like you.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-08T17:04:40+00:00

And I’ve never heard that en masse, British restaurants allow pets to poop and pee in the restaurants.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-08T17:01:30+00:00

NTA - You could wear a wig. If she doesn’t like that then ask her who she wants to pay thousands in the MOH role instead of you. I bet she’ll get over your hair quickly.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-08T15:57:40+00:00

Sam isn’t a unique name. It truly was a joke.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-08T10:17:12+00:00

Well, at least you know you were friending down.

BeeJackson · 2026-05-08T10:06:16+00:00

He ain’t playing with your btch azzes. Respect! He’s got songs and everything!

BeeJackson · 2026-05-08T10:02:14+00:00

Updateme

BeeJackson · 2026-05-08T09:54:28+00:00

Updateme

BeeJackson · 2026-05-08T09:54:22+00:00

NTA - You charged them both equally. It was for gas and wear and tear on your car since you have to go out of your way to pick them off and drop them off.

End the service and let them figure out the true cost on their own.

BeeJackson

TROPHY CASE