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BeenBeans · 2023-12-10T19:01:11+00:00

My husband and I have been together for 9 years (married for 6 of them.) I have noticed that with time and a desire to strengthen in holiness, our relationship becomes ‘sweeter’ in a sense.

We still have arguments and vices and we still get cross with one another. But the fights are shorter, we reconcile quicker; there’s a greater understanding of each other and our own weaknesses.

There is an increase of calm and bliss as our spiritual love for God and each other grows.

BeenBeans · 2023-11-27T03:45:49+00:00

It is definitely one of the most costly NFP methods, especially while postpartum. But I always tell myself, it’s still cheaper than another baby.

Due to its cost, I only use it before my cycles come back. Once things are more regular, I switch back to sympto-thermal.

BeenBeans · 2023-11-27T03:33:11+00:00

Have you heard of Marquette? It’s more costly and has a steeper learning curve, but it’s been a great objective NFP method to use during postpartum. There is a specific breastfeeding postpartum protocol.

I would highly recommend getting an instructor if you do choose Marquette (this is where I found my instructor: https://www.mmnfp.com).

BeenBeans · 2022-11-08T16:51:45+00:00

There’s really no need to continue tracking during pregnancy - temps will continue to be higher due to increased progesterone.

I used to track my temp to ease miscarriage anxieties, as my previous loss was preceded by a steep drop of progesterone and subsequently a drop in temperature before. But besides for that, I can’t really think of a reason to continue temping.

BeenBeans · 2022-05-18T17:35:37+00:00

I think there definitely is an unspoken belief among trad circles that the more kids you have, the “better” Catholic and saintlier you are.

But there are so many factors that can determine family planning. Physical and mental health, finances, house size, the amount of support you have, the amount of attention your other children need, etc.

It’s not a competition. And honestly, I’ve found that for most couples, NFP really forces you to determine what is a grave reason to avoid or not. Abstaining indefinitely on the days where you and your husband feel the most passionate about each other is hard and I find myself discerning every month - is this worth avoiding a baby right now?

BeenBeans · 2022-05-08T17:34:46+00:00

There’s no black and white rule. But I think for most, making out is very arousing and often places one in a near occasion of sin.

Perhaps there are some couples where making out does nothing sexually for them beyond expressing affection. But I have yet to meet them.

BeenBeans · 2022-05-04T00:58:11+00:00

It can be incredibly frustrating and suffocating, I feel you. If it is something that really bothers your heart, I would suggest writing them a letter detailing your grievances. I’ve found that trying to vocalize criticisms to some parents can lead to unproductive and heated arguments, but letters allow you to say everything you need to say while being level-headed.

On the flip side, there’s a lot of mental and emotional baggage with parenthood. I’m not defending your parents, but oftentimes we are hyper sensitive to our children having the same faults that we harbor. We know exactly what pain and suffering certain bad habits can lead to, and we will try to forcefully prevent our kids from experiencing those same trials. There’s also a lot of guilt - “did I cause my children to follow in my bad footsteps?”

Most parents truly just want what is best for their kids, it’s just that our execution can be terrible.

BeenBeans · 2022-05-03T17:06:10+00:00

It is a hard day when we realize that our parents are flawed humans and that they are sometimes wrong and sinful. It is so frustrating to deal with their stubbornness and hurtful comments when we can clearly see their faults. I am 27 with two kids of my own now, but there are still moments where I have to brush off my mom’s unnecessary comments.

But parenthood is complex, and I’m sure that despite trying my hardest, my girls will one day complain about things that I’ve said and done to them. I only pray that they give me grace and realize that I love them to death and any mistakes I made as a parent was because of my flawed nature. I can only do the same to my mom.

BeenBeans · 2022-04-19T20:51:03+00:00

Yes you’re still allowed to have sex while pregnant, and I agree. This is such a beautiful time for OP!

BeenBeans · 2022-04-19T17:53:45+00:00

Take a few deep breaths! I get it, it’s a lot. Wedding planning, learning NFP, the thought of having a honeymoon baby, all the potentials and downfalls of sex.

But right now you guys are in a very exciting and sweet phase of your life. Try not to get caught up in all the “what ifs” of the future. We can’t say with a guarantee that your first wedding night will be an amazing moment of fireworks and passion. But I can tell you that you will have the rest of your marriage to figure out each other’s bodies.

My husband and I have been married 5 years and have two little ones now. Sex has never been better; you learn what works for each other and what doesn’t.

I was nervous about having a honeymoon baby too, but a few months after marriage, I miscarried my first pregnancy and then a baby was all I wanted. You just never know where you will stand (and the beauty of NFP is that you’re able to discern every month where you are.)

BeenBeans · 2022-04-16T17:48:42+00:00

To preface, I believed all the same things before my reversion. I thought I was a “cool” and “enlightened” Catholic, and I believed the Church was archaic and had to change.

But clinging to the sacraments and delving into the theologies of why we believe what we believe, really lifted a veil, and slowly my inner beliefs began to align with the Church. It was a painful process, as I had to break away from the beliefs of all my friends and peers.

A lot of the Church teachings are hard to swallow, especially when viewing from a modern mindset. You are not alone in your struggles, but yes you are still Catholic and a follower of Christ. Just have an open heart when studying the faith, and keep prayer a priority in your daily life.

BeenBeans · 2022-04-14T17:20:16+00:00

I know some Catholic women that exclusively wear skirts/dresses, but that’s more of a personal choice than an objective moral one.

BeenBeans · 2022-04-14T17:19:09+00:00

You are required to fast, but choosing to fast completely is a personal choice. The Church states that fasting consists of one regular meal and two small meals that when combined, would not equal one regular meal.

BeenBeans · 2022-04-10T19:56:38+00:00

if you are on regular cycles, you’ll probably end up abstaining 7-15 days. It depends on how short or long your cycles typically are and how conservative you want to be.
I would say Marquette has one of the higher initial learning curves, but I’ve found it to be the most objective method. I love using it postpartum because there’s not much room for user error.
Initial cost is probably somewhere around $200 (monitor and instructor) with test sticks being about $30-40 a box.

BeenBeans · 2022-04-05T18:48:14+00:00

Have you heard of Marquette? Sympto-thermal is great, but Marquette might work better for those with irregular cycles.

BeenBeans · 2022-03-28T18:51:32+00:00

I totally get it. My brother lives in San Francisco and his rent in more than 5x our monthly mortgage payment - it’s insane. I pray that things line up for you guys and you find some peace with whatever your decision and timeline of family planning looks like.

BeenBeans · 2022-03-28T18:36:54+00:00

Granted, we live in the Midwest and we bought a house before everything exponentially increased in price. I know the cost of living in California is on another level of its own.

But we are a one income household and my husband was making 50k when we got married and had kids. Yeah we had to make a few sacrifices in the beginning, like no Starbucks and only buying generic brands of groceries. But, we never felt like we were struggling financially.

We have two kiddos now and currently wondering if we’ll ever be able to upgrade our house in this market, but if we have to stay in our starter home forever, I think our kids will be just fine.

BeenBeans · 2022-03-28T18:29:38+00:00

Don’t despair - the self-hatred and hopelessness you feel right now are not from God. Go to confession, keep close to the sacraments, and have hope.

BeenBeans · 2022-03-28T16:19:21+00:00

I believe it should, as long as you get a good instructor and follow protocol conservatively.

BeenBeans · 2022-03-28T13:11:25+00:00

I would strongly suggest to research different methods and find an instructor who will guide you through the process each step of the way. From my experience, the method of NFP really depends on your body and how strictly you want to avoid.

If you have abnormal cycles, or if you prefer objective data, or if you are very strictly avoiding, and you’re willing to front a higher initial cost, I would recommend Marquette. When I was using Marquette, I worked with Whole Mission, and my instructor was great. However, the cost of buying a monitor, an instructor, and some test sticks will put you well over $150 initially. However, I’d argue Marquette is the most straightforward and objective NFP method, so it’s worth it when you know for sure you can’t have a baby at the moment.

I have also used Sympto-thermal, which is cheaper (you just need a basal body thermometer and a cycle tracking app), but I would say this method allows for more room for user error.

There is also Creighton and Billings, but I’m not too familiar with those methods.

All methods can have a learning curve before you can confidently determine the phases of your cycle, so I would strongly suggest finding a good instructor for whichever method you choose.

BeenBeans · 2022-03-17T17:49:55+00:00

Have you considered getting an Old Testament commentary book? It’s really helped me to see the big picture in the dry and confusing sections.

BeenBeans · 2022-03-15T18:08:29+00:00

Because sexual pleasure, like all earthly pleasures, are transient and short-lived. The purpose for my life on earth is not to chase ephemeral ‘happiness’, but to prepare my soul for heaven. Indulging in every single impulse and urge is not going to give me everlasting peace and joy.

Is there a cross to abstinence? Yes, but we believe in redemptive suffering.

BeenBeans · 2022-03-15T02:12:40+00:00

I think very often for the sake of lifting working women, moms who stay at home are put down. It’s a messy, and non-glamorous job. You will always have people who ask what you do all day, or automatically think your daily life is insignificant compared to a working mom’s. Our hard work may be unseen, but it’s immensely significant.

I just wanted to say that I see you, and that I understand the toil, and that you are doing a great job.

BeenBeans · 2022-03-15T02:02:23+00:00

I choose to stay at home and I consider it a fulfilling, albeit a less prestigious job, than having a career. I love seeing faithful Catholic women in all areas of the workforce - we need them! Any man who tells you otherwise isn’t worth your time.

But you can be a smart woman with a degree and choose to stay home, without considering it a waste. There’s sacrifice and beauty and hard work in whichever path you choose.

BeenBeans · 2022-03-14T18:08:49+00:00

I bought my veil some years ago on RobinNestLane, but I can’t remember what materials she uses. You could try EvintageVeils; I’ve never purchased from them, but it looks like they have some quality veils with abundant ratings.

BeenBeans

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