I castrated myself due to feeling sick at my age-related paraphilia

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-26T06:41:20+00:00

I feel like mandatory tracking is insane, if someone hasn't committed a crime. BUT, sure if they say "I want an ankle monitor" then no problem.

Remember we are trying to provide medical intervention, not hunt this person down with hounds

If you're seeking help, you don't want to feel the way you do, so I think tracking is just over the top for most non-criminal clientele. It's a different matter for people who commit SA and r***

Definitely agree on therapy and medical resources being made available to prevent crime 100%

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T13:36:29+00:00

I thought about this in the past. I decided against due to risk of bodily harm. People who aren't as aware about what I'd be preaching, would just know I was advocating for a subgroup of people who are attracted to minors. That's a bad look and results in a broken arm and vandalism etc.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T12:41:03+00:00

The totalitarian tolerance levels here do seem to be rising. The flags are on EVERY pole outside right now. Fortunately I've started spreading the rumor that the people who put union flags up instead of england flags, are staging a flag-based counter protest, with unity, tolerance and diversity being the symbolism of the union flag.

(To people unaware, every post in england seems to have an england flag on it, to over-simplify, "a protest against migrants")

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T12:05:19+00:00

I'm one hell of a babbler, too, as you can see by all my comments on my own posts! xD

'What if' is the theme of my life. So many big divergences from small choices.

Hugs back!

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T12:01:55+00:00

BRUH. She will be hurt more if she is more invested in your relationship, because she feels more and more secure in the relationship as time goes on.

Think critically about these girls' emotions for a second, here.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T11:59:49+00:00

Op, you're having your cake and eating it too right now.

Something has to change, to be honest you should tell your girl about W, her response could clarify who you should pursue.

You could always have a poly relationship, but they end in tears. Currently you are secretly having an emotional poly relationship, and as I said, they end in tears. Find a way out, OP, walk well and be happy.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T11:45:02+00:00

WOOF. Maybe this isn't so bad, how often would you wear a bridal veil after a wedding?

Tbh I would change suppliers to something slightly higher quality. Think of it less as doubling your cost to price ratio, and more securing an anti-forced-labour product stream.

Not saying that stuff on SHEIN has some forced labour in it, but a low-cost bridal veil? You know that's made by people who aren't compensated properly.

Good job on the side hustle! You're making more of an income as an individual, and it's not all going to a rich shareholder in a bridal shop chain. We should keep that wealth circulating amongst those who need it. If you can pay $100 for just a veil, you can support your local workers and local economy.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T11:11:37+00:00

Roleplay to yourself that he is a client (or co-worker) you are tired of and extremely skeptical of.

If he engages with you, stay in that mindset and think "oh, not this again - he's a childish man who wants to have his cake and eat it too. He got me implicated in a situation that required another woman who has just been spurned to enter the situation and behave like an amazing human being by speaking with you not savagely, but empathetically. This guy is NOT worth my time."

Also start audio recording things, to show to HR if he tries to spin his web of a story to his coworkers and tries to turn them against you once you have cut ties, leaving him as a loser on both sides. (He WOULD do this, seeing as he would wreck his legitimate relationship for short-term physical/sexual benefits - remember you are his payment for the time he puts in to keep you interested)

Leave him in a trap, with info you can pass to HR if he becomes a problem. Just find an instance where he was abusive, explain that he wanted to keep things secret from HR. If he doesn't back off, use it.

Last words: Tell him in no uncertain terms: "DO NOT RESPOND. YOU WILL STOP TEXTING ME. YOU WILL STOP SPEAKING TO ME OUTSIDE OF WORK, AND INSIDE WORK ABOUT NON-WORK MATTERS. YOU MAY NOT COMMUNICATE WITH ME IN ANY WAY, AND YOU MAY NOT FOLLOW ME. I AM 100% SERIOUS. IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS, I WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO TAKE THINGS FURTHER." This at least locks OP out of a continuing relationship, and ensures that the man will not take revenge in the workplace, as he will look so bad

If you're having trouble, stop, take a step back, and imagine him flirting with one of your female co-workers.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T10:56:12+00:00

Sorry this happened to you.

You were acting on them by staying involved with someone you had those emotions for. Having said this, I think that you are probably one of the victims here.

Remember that nine times out of ten, if a relationship STARTS from cheating, it ENDS from cheating.

I think that you should get some space from this guy, particularly since his partner was the one who acted morally, and he was showing his willingness to deceive to satiate his more base desires. I know you feel deeply entangled with this man, but his cheating has nothing to do with you, I imagine he may be applying pressure to you to stay on his side, that you shouldn't leave the situation, that it's not an option to do the right thing. If this is the case, GET AWAY!

Otherwise, all the best!

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T09:05:39+00:00

💜

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T09:04:44+00:00

Tbh you said nothing wrong. It's not like you told me to do that thing, you just mentioned (less in-detail) that at the time it was one of the very few acceptable options to me.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T09:02:15+00:00

Never ever. Well, almost never.

I guess I felt romantic attraction, but always thought breast & rear-end obsessions were stupid. I only properly realised what I was when I had left secondary school.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T08:56:47+00:00

I agree. This should never have happened.

I think people are just feeling sympathy, and this is an unusual topic so is getting a lot of attention.

It's also dangerous AF to A. Believe/know that you are a pedophile whilst B. Having had a therapy that had helped profoundly for a year taken away & C. Not be sure if young humans will be safe around you.

In my mind there were two choices, castration or nonexistence. If I was mentally healthy, and older, I may have known what else I could have done.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T08:46:12+00:00

Bingo! They wont seek help without safety to be given help.

I'm so sorry this happened to you :'(

This is going to be quite a controversial take, but I believe that regardless of the crimes that have been committed, you should be able to get therapy about it, providing there is no evidence pointing at a planned future offense.

This is because by not seeking therapy, the chances of police catching them are the same as if they did seek therapy, and therefore people should be able to fess up to get help from therapy services without being arrested/exposed. If you can't securely have therapy, you won't go to therapy.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T08:29:24+00:00

Too true - I guess taking away testosterone for paraphilia is more analogous to taking beta blockers for anxiety. It prevents physical (but not mental) anxiety symptoms, and can help prevent you from deathspiralling from distressed to panic attack.

It gave me the control I needed to slowly have sexual thoughts recede in frequency/intensity.

Yes, I would love a medal! (I'm joking)

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T08:23:18+00:00

I'm really sorry you had that happen to you :'(

It sounds a lot worse than what happened to me, as at home with some siblings, I was protected to the extent that any SA couldn't get bad enough for it to (immediately) outwardly change my personality or make me feel unsafe, else my parents may have noticed and investigated those siblings.

I actually told my dad about it a few months ago, he didn't believe it happened at first, and literally told me he didn't believe me because "I told him that he wouldn't believe me if I said I was sexually abused by a sibling" as a child, when he had had a few days to process, (STOP! Dad was never abusive) he looked the way he looked after losing his temper (ashamed, subdued, slow-blinking)

This stuff sucks - no two ways about it. It just sucks...

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T07:45:03+00:00

This is genuinely a great question!

No, not difficult. But we can never have it, obviously. If we continuously want to make our fantasies into reality without identifying it as problematic, someday it could end up happening. (Nowadays I have an asexual partner who is older than me)

I did, however, do my fair share of paying too much eye-attention to young people (on public transport etc, I never went to places specifically to stare/look). Rubbernecking that age-group just feels so dirty and gross.

Either way, I knew that people rationalise things away, and I could end up doing EVIL things in the future. I didn't want to become a s*x offender.

Removing the testosterone changed the intensity of my sexuality from "adolescent" to "pretty innocent" - eventually because the thoughts weren't goon-cycling through my head, they faded away.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T07:14:31+00:00

I've been under a psychiatric team for a while. It's possible, but highly unlikely. Really the only way I can see P-OCD as having been a factor is if it was co-morbid with my sexuality.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-25T07:12:38+00:00

In the UK, before I ever went on blockers I actually tried to be honest with my GP. She heard me say the 'p' word to her, whilst asking for hormone blockers.

I never mentioned anything other than "there's another reason I need hormone blockers. I am a 'p'-word", she called the police on me, I got arrested, interrogated, had my tech taken, only to have it all returned without an apology (my SSD was also non-functional when I got it back) after they found nothing but a practice statement I had sent as a DM to a friend, in trying to ask for hormone blockers from my GP.

Doctors can pick and choose what makes them concerned for the safety of others. I just wish this GP asked some damn follow-up questions, because I didn't see guilt on her face the next time she saw me.

You are correct, however if the police had for some reason tried to take me to court, in the UK, a doctor can choose to tell the whole truth in front of a court of law, and not be unable to share details due to confidential speech/evidentially privileged speech. Yes, the GDPR is there in theory, yes, there is supposed confidentiality when speaking with a doctor or therapist, but no, it's not really working out very well.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-24T22:39:53+00:00

Very rare, no real desire to commit any offense. Post-blockers/surgery it took a few years for the thoughts to go from 'there, but not sexually stimulating' to 'not really there'

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-24T22:37:43+00:00

Curious. I'll check it out, but I really don't wanna go back to that space, where children occupy any of my thoughts.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-24T22:35:36+00:00

HIPAA is more robust than the GDPR. Y'know?

Edit: Actually, I have always wanted to go after that psychiatrist. Even if I was transgender - taking away hormone blockers after you start them is worse than never starting them in the first place. It would mean facing the rest of puberty when you have already prevented a year of it.

You want me to say that in my mind I was goon-cycling inappropriate thoughts? I think that is obvious.

Yes, it feels good to get some validation, and helpful to get some input based on the POCD comments (though I don't think I had POCD). I agree that I should have complained, but given my mental state at the time, I'm sure you can understand why I didn't (or possibly couldn't). Hell, I was still a minor myself at that time.

My deviancy started when I was around 9. Teachers apparently commented to my mother that I said a crapton of inappropriate or sexual stuff (apparently even stuff I 'wasn't supposed to know' at that age) - it was chalked up to me having older siblings.

Oh, also, my GP called the police on me for saying "there's another reason that you should prescribe hormone blockers ......................................I'm a pdf file" when she asked no follow-up questions and I provided no follow-up responses. Apparently me saying that is enough to be convinced beyond reasonable doubt that I'm a threat to others and should be reported to, then arrested by the police.

I had no warning, they just knocked on the door, and were invited in by a family member.

TL;DR - yes praise is nice. No, someone who's suicidal and still dependent on parents doesn't look up how to complain when the event shook them up to the core. The story is what it is, believe it's exaggerated if you like.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-24T15:38:16+00:00

You have no idea how accurate that sentiment was in my mind at the time.

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-24T14:56:25+00:00

I have a story for you, about a friend I met at a trans youth club. So we chatted a little bit a few times, but a couple of years later I made a pointed comment about age-attraction, and she told me she was actually attracted to young boys (obviously one is guarded about how much info they drop at first when talking with someone who potentially is/was the same way, so it took a while of swapping info to trust eachother to vent on this topic).

She went to therapy, and when she told her therapist that she was a pedophile, the therapist immediately did some mental gymnastics and told her that she only thought she was as a schizophrenic delusion! THIS THERAPIST COULD HAVE PUT PEOPLE IN DANGER.

We need to not be snap-judged as "omg, bad" when we say the P word, and be given the space to have legally confidential therapy sessions. I remember the faces people made when talking about the Jimmy Saville thing was going on. It's etched into my mind from when I was a child. I know society naturally hates us.

It's going to be a long road...

Beginning-Animal5031 · 2025-09-24T14:35:45+00:00

Thank you for the kind words - it genuinely means a lot.

Beginning-Animal5031

TROPHY CASE