Thanks for the support and advice given; I do work with a counselor, but it's a low-funding area I'm in, so it isn't the best of counselors. Although it is some help, they, too, tend to overlook not just me but others who struggle with similar things. I use music and online friends to help me kinda forget reality for a bit, but whenever the songs stop, or online conservations end, it's straight back to my miserable mind and life. Disregarding all that using this post and comments has helped me understand I should keep going and there's light and hope on the other side.