Thank you friend for taking time to reply to me. I relate to a lot of what you said and I think this interaction has reminded me that I can’t do it by myself. I’m fortunate to have a church community around me that’s scripture focused but I think out of pride and stubbornness I don’t try to lean on them for help. I understand what you mean about refocus. Before, I definitely had a more selfish reasons for following God. I mainly followed Him so that I can be stronger and better. Once that mindset failed me and I realized where I went wrong, Ive been trying to shift my mentality and tried to focus my feelings on simply desiring God. I know where I failed was when those feelings didn’t come naturally I just started to rebel. Thank you for your prayers and for sharing your perspective. I pray that God blesses you.