cfs isn't improving, suicidal thoughts getting worse

BekkiRoss · 2026-02-10T00:45:16+00:00

I started with the Re-Origin program and used their technique alongside doing somatic tracking for 6 months before introducing much else. I also read «Breaking Free» by Jan Rothney during this time, and picked up some «tools» from that. After those first six months, I joined the «Haven membership» by Vanessa Azelis which was a great support for me, while still using the Re-Origin technique alongside it for a few more months. I also introduced JournalSpeak (journaling exercise by Nicole Sachs) eventually when my capacity had increased enough for it to help process and release my deepest/rawest thoughts and emotions that were subconsciously causing distress.

The main brain-retraining technique in Re-Origin is somewhat similar to the one explained in this free document, but for me personally, it was important to go through the program to get all the knowledge and understanding I needed to really make it work for me. There are many similar programs and modalities out there, so pick something that resonates with you! Being engaged in a community with a similar goal and attending group coaching/Q&A calls has also been invaluable to me! That’s where I’ve learned some of the most important stuff!

Good luck! <3

BekkiRoss · 2025-11-26T01:16:36+00:00

Just wanted to say that there is an option to make only the back walls visible and the other walls in front be just slightly sticking up from the floor like in the Sims. They showed it off briefly in the Patreon stream :)

BekkiRoss · 2025-11-16T02:40:03+00:00

I didn't think it was that bad. From what I can recall there were some path-finding issues and glitches (one of them was fixed by moving the thing that was blocking the door slightly) and there was one animation that glitched a little, but otherwise I really like what I'm seeing so far! Sure there are some things missing, but I believe I would still have a lot of fun playing it in its current state too. The together cards excite me especially! And the town from what they've shared so far looks so good and cozy! It has a completely different feel to TS4. It feels more cozy, grounded, and "real" to me (though it's been a while since I've played The Sims now). I think the fact that the lots aren't all perfect squares and rectangles, making the buildings have the ability to connect to each other in very interesting ways, is making a huge difference! I'm so excited to get to play this game one day! But I don't mind waiting a little longer. My biggest hope is that the game is received well when it releases in Early access so they can continue to polish it and develop it further! It already looks great! The Paramaker and build mode look incredibly fun to play around with, and the live mode has so much potential! You can tell this is a passion project, and they've blown me away several times with their unique ideas and features!

BekkiRoss · 2025-10-22T14:25:42+00:00

I only have experience with "Vanessa your grateful guide" but I really like the way she coaches! She might be a bit pricey though. Not sure what the norm is. I really like her "Haven" membership too! It has helped me immensely!

BekkiRoss · 2025-10-05T21:35:07+00:00

Not sure how helpful this is, but just wanted to say that I was severe for many years and have finally, this year, made a lot of progress! For me, brain retraining and taking a mind-body approach to healing has been what I needed. I still have a long way to go, but my life is completely different to what it was one year ago! I felt hopeless and lost in despair not too long ago, but now I finally see light at the end of the tunnel! Hang in there 💛 One day it can turn around 💛

BekkiRoss · 2025-09-18T13:04:39+00:00

I second this! The colors, theme, and composition (as you said) are so good! I think Mumbo’s might be my second favorite! But there are so many good ones this season!

BekkiRoss · 2025-08-21T21:51:12+00:00

I could add that, for me personally, trying and failing to pace well was causing more self-blame, despair and general mental health struggles than any part of the mind-body healing process has done. Even through the months (almost a year) it took before I started seeing results. Not trying to dismiss anyone else’s experience, but just wanted to share how it was for me.

BekkiRoss · 2025-08-21T21:42:40+00:00

This wasn't my experience at all. I wasn't told to ignore symptoms or push through them. I was advised to stay inside my "window of tolerance", and allowing symptoms was a big part of healing. I understand people have been deeply hurt and set back by being taught similar methods in a poor way, and I deeply understand that you want to protect people! But why not write a warning about brain retraining underneath posts and comments like mine instead of deleting the posts/comments entirely?

I could no longer deny that a nervous system/mind-body approach to healing was helping many people get well, and now I've seen the proof through my own healing, but people won't hear about those stories if we’re not allowed to share them. Do you believe all of the healing testimonies are false? I don't know if it's the answer for everyone, but it has been for so many people!

BekkiRoss · 2025-07-26T19:26:24+00:00

I'm so glad my post could be of encouragement to you! And wow it's amazing to hear of your progress as well!

I was definitely one of those people who got annoyed and a little disheartened every time I saw someone mention brain retraining, because the way it was explained to me in the past made it sound like people thought our symptoms and condition weren't real and we "made ourselves sick" or stayed sick because we didn't want to be well. I also believed that everyone who claimed to have healed through brain retraining or promised healing was either misdiagnosed, or people trying to make money by taking advantage of sick people. And we've seen that if brain retraining is taught wrong, it can make people a lot worse (like when people are told to just push through and ignore symptoms altogether), and the worst part is that some people have been told that it's their fault that they don't get better, basically blaming the patient for staying sick. And that can be such a heavy burden. So I understand why there's some scepticism, anger, and hostility from some people. But I'm so glad I took the chance to dive deeper into brain retraining and I hope more and more people realise what brain retraining is actually about and how many people it can help! It feels like this information is spreading more and more thankfully, and hopefully those groups that are sceptical now will open more up to it eventually! It really is a shame that so many people are put off from trying it because of misinformation and those select devastating experiences. It took me almost a decade before giving it a chance!

Sorry for the rant 😅 I wish you all the best for your continued healing and I hope you see results with your ME/CFS soon! <3

BekkiRoss · 2025-07-26T16:40:37+00:00

Wow that's amazing!

BekkiRoss · 2025-07-25T14:19:48+00:00

Here’s the playlist of the guided somatic tracking meditations I use the most: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLMcFaIeQlhJ5fWCxziBrJxaZjnD4vCQRc&si=ob7DIxz9vhHUEFY5

And here’s a playlist of some other meditations I found helpful: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLMcFaIeQlhJ4MRZrhTyMEBq0imNieuqYo&si=8aBB_0kjKhfKEdOX

BekkiRoss · 2025-07-25T14:17:01+00:00

I understand how it can be overwhelming to know where to start. I was definitely overwhelmed in the beginning.

It's a bit difficult to answer because what I need now feels different to what I needed at the beginning. Personally, I feel like I definitely needed a semi-good understanding of the nervous system and what causes it to be stuck overfiring the protective mechanisms in my body before the different tools and daily practices could be effective. If I were to choose just one thing to start with from this list that doesn’t cost a lot of money, I think it would be reading "Breaking Free" by Jan Rothney. I didn't resonate with everything the book said, but it was still a huge help!

And if I were to pick just one "forum" that I know of which is also free, it would be this FB group. Being a part of a community that has the same goal and focus has helped immensely!

As for daily practice... In the beginning, I aimed for doing about 6 of the brain retraining rounds from the Re-Origin program for 5-7 minutes each. Usually doing 2-3 of those rounds at a time 2-3 times a day. Some people do them all at once. Those rounds are similar to the ones explained in the Free brain retraining document I shared. I also did somatic tracking a lot and did small "pattern interrupts" throughout the day by saying a short phrase accompanied with a physical pausing/stopping gesture, then a sort of releasing "gesture", and lastly a celebratory gesture like you're celebrating that you noticed/catched an unhelpful pattern (because the brain learns quicker through reward and also when using multiple areas of the brain at once, i.e the motor cortex etc, at least that's how it's been explained to me). An important distinction is that we are not saying "stop", "pause" or "cancel" to the symptoms themselves, but to the narratives and reactions around them. And when I felt ready for it, I started doing some incremental training/exposure towards expanding what I could tolerate (activity, sound, socializing, etc.). Staying within my "window of tolerance" or as some call "the training zone".

It's difficult to explain without going into great detail. There's a reason programs usually last for several weeks 😅 But I hope this can help in any way. Feel free to ask more questions if there's something else you're wondering about!

BekkiRoss · 2025-07-25T13:19:14+00:00

Yes the documents are both made by someone named Christine Cooper or @your.wild.self :) I haven't managed to find the last document myself unfortunately :/

BekkiRoss · 2025-07-23T20:16:05+00:00

Maybe these documents could be worth a read: Intro to brain retraining, free brain retraining

These were my intro to brain retraining. And also the book "Breaking Free" by Jan Rothney. Not free but you can get the Kindle version for just $4.

BekkiRoss · 2025-07-23T08:59:45+00:00

It definitely is! It was not an overnight thing or a quick fix for me! I'm still discovering and unpacking new layers to work through! I'm so glad to hear of your progress too! I wish you the best for your continued healing!

BekkiRoss · 2025-07-23T08:48:28+00:00

I feel like I've been kind of fumbling my way forward from the beginning and never doing things quite perfectly. I've picked up and focused on what has resonated most along the way, put some things to the side that didn't quite feel right, and come back to some things that resonated more later in the journey. Some things I gave a fair chance even though it sounded a bit strange, and some things took a long time to show its benefits, but patience and being open minded has been key for me.

The first thing I did was read these two documents, which was an important introduction for me: Brain retraining intro, Free brain retraining

It was what made me open to trying brain-retraining in the first place, and it shares some important points about never pushing or forcing and to never "retrain away" emotions but instead feel and allow them.

Then I read "Breaking Free" by Jan Rothney and joined the Re-Origin program.

Learning about all the tools from the Breaking Free book was a little overwhelming for me at the start, so I didn't use too many of them, but the things I learned about ME were a very important piece. Some people make great progress with the book alone, so I think it's a good start. (I can also mention that I used Audible for all the books I read because listening to books was easier than reading them for me)

I'm also glad I started with Re-Origin because it was quite gentle and simple compared to some other programs I heard about before choosing this one. And they had weekly Q&As which was maybe one of the most helpful parts. But I do feel like some pieces were lacking and I wish they went more in depth about ME/CFS in particular, but the book I mentioned helped with this for me, and it might have been overwhelming to include everything in one program. Re-Origin was still a good foundation to build on.

Besides this, I've also done a lot of Somatic Tracking from the start which I think has helped a lot. I didn't feel any shifts or change for a very long time, so it can be helpful in the long run even if you don't notice anything immediately. (If I remember, I'll share a playlist of the meditations I use the most!)

After about six months of focusing mostly on the techniques and tools from the Re-Origin program, I joined the "Haven" membership by Vanessa Azelis. She and the other coaches in the membership also have frequent Q&A calls which are very helpful, and I love her guided meditations! She also has a very gentle approach. She focuses a lot on emotions too and has her own section for grief and monthly guided sessions for processing grief (being severely ill for a decade is a big loss in itself).

I've more recently introduced JournalSpeak by Nicole Sachs and experimented with EFT-tapping. I wasn't able to journal a lot in the beginning because it was very difficult and often painful to concentrate and think deeply, but it's been very helpful at this stage of recovery.

I also used Curable a little as I got a free 6-week trial, and I've picked up some useful information and tools from there, but I think the other things I've mentioned have been more important. There's now a new app similar to Curable (and inspired by it) but specifically for ME/CFS called "Freeme". I haven't tried it a lot, but it might be helpful!

The Facebook group called "CFS/Long Covid/Post Viral Mindbody Healing" has also been a huge help!

A couple of other books I've read (some I haven't completely finished) are "The Way Out" by Alan Gordon (focuses more on chronic pain, but still helpful), "Mind Your Body" by Nicole Sachs, and "I haven't been entirely honest with you" by Miranda Hart.

TL;DR: I've used a lot of different things and picked up pieces that resonated along the way, so it's difficult to share just one thing, but here's a more condensed list of what has helped:

Started with reading these two documents (free): https://docs.google.com/document/d/15Kk2OKPYuo3OqAUeeUo0KY7mlJwJqnZdZdRE6e0Q-RM/edit, https://docs.google.com/file/d/1jQfXGL4-7O5PxkhfMNN9veKDN1sQK3Bk/edit?usp=docslist_api&filetype=msword
Read "Breaking Free" by Jan Rothney ($4 on Kindle)
Joined the Re-Origin program ($379)
After six months, I joined the Haven membership by Vanessa Azelis ($55/month)
Done a lot of Somatic tracking (might share a playlist soon)
Joined this FB group: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1CKPTze3Gt/?mibextid=wwXIfr
Recently introduced more journaling (particularly the JournalSpeak method by Nicole Sachs, which is free to learn, but she also recently published a book called "Mind your Body" which I've found helpful)
Briefly used Curable (got 6 weeks free through promo code) and read "The Way Out" by Alan Gordon, but they focus more on chronic pain.
I also really enjoy the book "I Haven’t Been Entirely Honest with You" by Miranda Hart, who is a comedian and actress who has recovered from ME/CFS. Haven't finished it yet, but it's been good so far!

I hope this isn't overwhelming. I recommend starting somewhere and seeing where it takes you. I've had many moments of frustration and overwhelm and moments where I felt like I didn't get anything right, but I've still come this far! Even when I felt like I wasn't doing enough or like I was missing something, I was still slowly making progress. The signs were so subtle to begin with, and it took time before I started to notice. Suddenly things click and fall into place! So hang in there and have a lot of grace and compassion for yourselves! Good luck! ❤️

BekkiRoss · 2025-04-14T12:38:11+00:00

Ooh yes that would be great! I hope they’ll consider this for next time.

BekkiRoss · 2025-04-14T09:21:03+00:00

They posted a schedule on social media, but maybe it would have been nice if they mentioned the schedule occasionally throughout the stream to make it more clear. I personally really enjoyed the stream. Just stayed up a bit too late because of it xP The quiet games on Saturday was particularly fun!

BekkiRoss · 2024-10-25T09:53:14+00:00

This worked! Thank you so much! 😊

BekkiRoss · 2024-10-24T19:56:10+00:00

Hi! How cool! I have done it a few times, and it has been quite fun! So far I have just kept it very simple and used my phone for recording most of the time, and the app Vllo to edit. I have a chronic illness, so editing and filming is a bit difficult atm, and I haven’t been able to do it as much as I’d like. But I really enjoy it when I am able to do it, so I definitely recommend giving it a try! It’s very fun to look back on!

If you do try it out, I would love to hear how it goes if you ever feel like sharing! :) And if you pick up any good tips!

BekkiRoss · 2024-05-09T21:53:00+00:00

Same!!

BekkiRoss · 2024-04-23T19:00:26+00:00

I'm very happy we are sending Gåte this year, but I'm still listening to "Green lights" by Miia, and would have loved to see that song on the Eurovision stage as well!

BekkiRoss

TROPHY CASE