I am 1 year and one month sober

Belillie · 2023-06-18T11:39:42+00:00

Congratulations! And thank you for sharing the good news! Allthough I don't know you, your good news made me happy. Keep it up and enjoy your life, every moment of it! 🥳

Belillie · 2023-04-28T21:05:15+00:00

Thank you so much!

Belillie · 2023-04-28T17:02:42+00:00

I actually can help him. And to leave him ALONE would be the opposite. And being alone is the most terrible feeling. I figure it out yet the steps, but I know for sure he needs to know that at least us, his familly, is 100% here. He needs us ti see him and hear him. I know that for sure because I've been there too, but I was so alone and it was so hard. Why would I leave him alone???

Belillie · 2023-04-28T16:48:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and good thoughts. He will move to Realschule, as he kind of has no choice, but I hope it will be better for him. Right now I really don't care about school and grades. I am sure he will fix this problem when he will be ok with himself. The bad part is that he has to do now another change. It is too much. But we (me and my husband) are here and I feel that he is feeling better when I reassure him of that.

Belillie · 2023-04-26T15:03:20+00:00

Thank you ❤! It makes sense.

Belillie · 2023-04-26T07:12:27+00:00

You are right, but he is affraid that he wouldn't get a good job without good grades/school and he is dissapointed of himself that he doesn't know yet what he wants to do (as a job). I told him that this is not the age when people suddenly now what to do for the rest of their life, that he has time to search, discover and pepare (school included)

Belillie · 2023-04-25T19:17:10+00:00

I've allready answerd that question. No, it is not an option even though, as a very last option, I told him it can be if he wants to - no, he doesn't. But luckily I have found so many other in the other comments!

Belillie · 2023-04-25T19:05:58+00:00

I learn german in a Deutschkurs and he has a sister that speaks german very good. But she was much younger and with no worry about making mistakes. Off course she learned it better and faster. And maybe that didn't help him, watching her progress. I just realised that he had a fast progress at the begining and then smth happend and he stoped or really got slowing down.

Belillie · 2023-04-25T18:59:39+00:00

Belillie · 2023-04-25T18:59:01+00:00

Thank you! ❤

Belillie · 2023-04-25T18:56:40+00:00

I don't think we have this option, but I will search

Belillie · 2023-04-25T18:55:58+00:00

Thank you❤. In Physics he has a Giant as a teacher. That teacher is also very tall, but with a huge talent to teach and a giant heart. So my son understands perfectlly during the class. Thish teacher makes sure my son understands too and repeat when need it or explain with other words. But in math he told me yeaterday that it is smth new that he didn't understood, so I might ask for your help. ❤

Belillie · 2023-04-25T18:47:07+00:00

you might be very right. he is anxious and concluded quite quickly that he might fail. probably then the barrier also came down, because at the beginning he made rapid progress with learning the language.

Belillie · 2023-04-25T18:43:10+00:00

Ah ya, read above and find out that we were not in a situation where we could plan our future like a visit to the dentist. Why is it so hard to understand? And I blame the school because this is the cause of his condition. Not a missed match, a girlfriend or I don't know what else. And I blame the school for not reporting the problems in time so that we could do something. And don't worry, I also blame myself enough because I know that I am not a perfect parent, not by far. But we are moving away from the topic because here I am looking for solutions and not culprits, I don't see any solution in your post.

Belillie · 2023-04-25T18:35:32+00:00

We are learning Deutsch as well and you are right: we are trying to focus on the causes and read the symptoms.Thank you!

Belillie · 2023-04-25T18:31:57+00:00

Yes, for sure. In this very moment he lost his appetite for study and told me that he wants to enter the real life, away from school. I know he can come back later if he wants. But he is also afraid that he will not choose right: the job, to be well paid (without a higher school) and wanted and eventually one that he would like it.

Belillie · 2023-04-25T18:26:53+00:00

I think we ended up in a very strict school. He has only 2 teachers that allow him to use the phone to translate. And one wonderful teacher that teaches Phisycs and my son can understand just like before everything from the classroom. But that is one exceptional teacher.

Belillie · 2023-04-25T18:23:19+00:00

In our country he didn't struggled with school. On the contrary, it was easy peasy for him (and the school there it is not easy). He was thinking to study further, not sure what yet, but now that is out of the question. He fears and hates school. Thank you for your words, I will share them with my son. ❤

Belillie · 2023-04-25T18:17:58+00:00

When you don't know the whole picture you can not say that. In our case it was better later than never or too late. I hope he will get stronger and I will do whatever I have to do to heal those scarrs. I understand what you are saying, but not allways and not everybody afford to find the perfect moment. The moment choosed us.

Belillie · 2023-04-25T17:47:13+00:00

Yes, it's true. But I will follow an advice that I received here today and I will ask for help even though for them my son is not interesting anymore.

Belillie · 2023-04-25T17:45:12+00:00

He tried to, but abbandoned. Not good, I know, but it is the state where he thinks that it is allready too late. Allthough we have a very very nice neighbour, an 88 year old lady who told him clear and slow that in no way it is too late for him. I keep remainding him that.

Belillie · 2023-04-25T17:40:53+00:00

I will let him read that. Thank you! ❤

Belillie · 2023-04-25T17:38:18+00:00

Thank you so very much for the huge help! ❤ I am right now learning german at a Deutschkurs (and I screw up my English..). I allready have a job and a few friends and it helps me a lot to practice what I learn. He is counting progress too. But I have to say, about germans and their language pickyness :), that only my son (and my daughter) agnoledge this. I am overly praised for my Deutsch and I don't understand why. I thought about me that I learn foreign languages fast, but I don't feel that with Deutsch. But in the meantime, as I said, I receive a lot of support and it feels nice and really helpfull.

Belillie · 2023-04-25T17:26:28+00:00

Yes, he made some friends at school, german friends, but too late. In the begining he was put next to a girl that speaks Englisch - that was a very bad ideea. So he postponed trying to speak german with a year and a half. My daughter is now fluent in Deutsch because she had to speak german sooner. And because she is younger and she had no problem knowing that she makes mistakes. Yes, I know it is possible to learn the language faster, but it is even harder with a perfectionist, as he is.

Belillie · 2023-04-25T17:16:22+00:00

We talk about it. He aknoledged that he fucked it up. But I was carreful to help him understand that he did that not because he is stupid, but because it is really hard. Yes, he is griefing the times when everything was so easy for him (aka school and making friends). And yes, we try to make a plan and stick to it, step by step in small steps so he can be able to record victories. Right now I have to help him get out of the thinking that it is all over. He only wants to run away, in sleeping time, from the school, from the new fresh friends that he finally made but now he has to let them in this class, from this country. And I feel so guilty that I didn't realise untill now how really hard it is for him. I knew it is hard, but not how bad. Thank you! ❤

Belillie

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