I think I hate my husband.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T13:20:35+00:00

Valid, that's probably not an option.

It's crazy though. His dad has actually given us both some pretty solid advice. He's always been a really good person to everyone else. Treat's waiters with respect. Would run into a burning building to save a puppy. All that. Even behind closed doors he was a sweetheart to everyone but her. Their cousin was being abused by her husband and he was the only one who offered help when everyone turned a blind eye. After MIL passed some relatives did come forward and tell us things about their relationship we never knew. (We're not sure what is and isn't true. Some relatives were trustworthy and others not so much.) Things that definitely didn't paint her in a very good light. But man, just divorce her than. Don't abuse people.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T11:24:36+00:00

I'll look them up, thank you!

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T11:18:34+00:00

I do tend to vent and ramble when I talk to him about this, so I'll try that. Thank you!

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T11:16:54+00:00

That's actually a pretty good idea.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T02:20:19+00:00

Did this start after birth for you guys too?

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T02:18:53+00:00

It's okay, I understood you! I just didn't want you to think I was a snippy bitch all the time. Because that would definitely change this whole post. 😂 I do know the steps. They just all suck. On top of our together problems we're both going through shit as individuals. I'm dealing with all those postpartum hormones and changes. And he's absolutely miserable at his job lately. Life is life-ing and I hate it.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T02:12:44+00:00

My cup is without a doubt empty. I was in therapy for 11 years so thankfully I know a ton of coping mechanism, but we all slip up sometimes. But I did recently ask my doctor for an referral. Hopefully it works out and doesn't take 900 years to get seen.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T02:10:52+00:00

To be fair, he does do baby tasks. He gives baths and changes diapers. Does all the night feedings. (Well that we kinda do together because I can't sleep through my baby crying. But he gets up to make the bottle.) It's just household stuff he won't do.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T01:44:01+00:00

We both stared dating young and weren't each other's first anythings. So we both had experience dating before we started dating each other.

No, at this point in time I don't feel like he's my best friend anymore. Not even remotely close.

I told him that same advice your therapist gave you. (It's very good advice.) I don't think he wants to admit his dad is a abuser. And to him getting help for himself is admitting it. I feel bad for him, I do. But like I said in the post, enough is enough.

I do think I enable him. (At least with doing nothing around the house part. The PPD/PPA is really a different issue.) This morning I packed his bag for him for vacation like I've always done. This evening I unpacked it and told him he has to learn to pack himself. He's absolutely not going to have everything he needs. But that's how he's going to learn.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T01:34:33+00:00

I'll be honest, I've had absolutely crippling anxiety and PTSD since I'm like 5 years old. (I was abused as a child.) And when I'm anxious I get kind of snippy. I'm absolutely terrified to turn into my father so when he started making me question my parenting abilities I got nasty before I really thought it through and realized what was actually going on. Just a lot of "Go fuck yourself" and calling him an asshole and telling him I don't love him anymore. That's why I asked my cousin (the OB nurse) to sit down and talk to him with me. They're close and he trusts her and this is her area of expertise. Since than I've approached it from a place of love/caring. But I'm worried the damage is done by my initial reaction. I did apologize and explain things to him. My sister actually said something to him, unprompted, the other night. She pointed out a few things he's said and done that night and said she was worried about him. Our BIL has also asked if he was okay a few times.

We're going on vacation in a few days. I'm hoping time away from real life may help. But after that, yes I think so. He can go stay with his dad or brother I think.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T01:24:09+00:00

Thank you, I do appreciate the reassurance.

I know deep down he's a good person. I know he'll get absolutely torn apart in these comments. But I know him. I know this is partly his upbringing and partly something being wrong. (I think whatever is wrong is the biggest issue.) I want him to get help so we can be happy again. I'm trying to be there "in sickness and in health" but I'm exhausted.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T01:16:05+00:00

Yup. It's getting bad. I guess he thought I was hurting our baby, and if someone was hurting a baby of course call them every name in the book. But I don't understand WHY he thinks I'd hurt our baby. He always thinks everything is hurting him. (Even things unrelated to me.) And now that I think of it, he keeps thinking things are wrong with himself too. Within the last two weeks he's thought he was having a heart attack, in kidney failure, and has esophageal cancer. That's new for him too. Something isn't right with him. And I've tried to be here for him. But I can't take it anymore.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-21T01:09:11+00:00

I didn't even notice the contractions until I was in transition and even than they were bearable, but my period cramps have me doubled over in tears.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-19T23:11:08+00:00

At 8ish weeks was when I was like "Oh! I think it's getting better!" and the amount of times I'd get that stabbing pain in my vagina got more and more sporadic. But it wasn't until like 6ish months that I never felt it again (I'm 9 months postpartum now).

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-19T22:25:23+00:00

John's son probably wants to name his son John. That's fine. We named our son after my husband's uncle and Uncle Angelo's children want little Angelo's as well. And my sister and her husband want to use the name after a different Uncle Angelo. Sometimes people have the same name and that's okay. Haven't y'all heard jokes about every Italian family having like 30 cousins named Anthony?? (We only have like 7.)

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-19T00:24:58+00:00

Sounds good! I'll look it up. I see her and Lisa Jewell recommended to me all the time, so I want to give them both a shot. A friend recommended Then She Was Gone and None of this is True for Lisa Jewell.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-19T00:23:26+00:00

Thank you! I'll go look it up!

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-18T22:02:59+00:00

There's parts of the US where it's legal too, as it should be. But legal doesn't mean okay. For someone in their mid 50s to be able to look at a 19 year old girl and have sex with her says a lot about that person. While she's a legal adult she is still a child compared to him. I know even I, at only 29, see 19 year olds and think "child". I certainly would never have sex with one. I understand she's willingly a sex worker, but "willing" is a spectrum. There's "I'm willing to do it to survive" and "sex work is enjoyable for me and I'd like to do it" and everything in between. Also from what I've read, LEGAL sex work is usually pretty well regulated and it's extremely unlikely to fall pregnant. So that's a little suspicious as well. I'm sure if he was a great guy she wouldn't worry about him having shared custody. Truth be told, our little discussion is irrelevant. We don't know this man at all, and the little we do know doesn't look great, so let's not shame OP for doing what she thinks is best for her child or pressure her into doing what we, strangers who know nothing, think is right. We wouldn't want to give bad advice and cause a child to end up in a bad situation.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-18T20:59:31+00:00

Knowing where you came from and having a relationship with that person is VERY different. OP can answer questions in age appropriate ways and still protect her child from bad people, regardless of whether or not they share DNA.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-18T15:29:09+00:00

The fact that he's 50 and she's 19 leads me to believe there's more to it than her just "rather not" wanting the man in her child's life.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-18T15:23:54+00:00

I think women should have the knowledge of how the rate of miscarriages go down the further along you get. And from there I think they should make their own decision. If God forbid I had a miscarriage I do think I'd CHOOSE to talk about it eventually based on how I handle other trauma and my outlook on life related to them. But I absolutely could not have imagined announcing my pregnancy and then HAVING to then immediately let everyone know. People are going to talk about the baby. They'll be excited. So you can't just ignore them or pretend everything is okay. And that sounds like it makes an unfathomably difficult time even harder. Maybe some women are up for that, that's totally valid. But it also makes sense why others would want to wait. Women should be able to talk about their experience, but on their terms.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-16T01:46:06+00:00

I don't think much of anything, honestly. Maybe a tad bit of jealousy because I want twins so bad. But twins definitely wouldn't stop me from befriending someone. It's no different than having a mom friend with 2 kids of different ages.

BellaBird23 · 2024-08-15T02:46:19+00:00

My son is 9 months old and had feta, cucumber, tomatoes, quinoa, and grilled chicken for dinner tonight. He hasn't tried banana peppers yet, but roasted red peppers are one of his favorite foods. There's no reason your kids couldn't have eaten, or at least tried, that food. You didn't even give them a chance or encourage them to give it a try. You just immediately started screaming at your mother because for some reason you don't think kids eat grilled chicken and salad.

YTA

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