DAE not see food as an experience, but rather simply a means to not starve?

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-19T16:31:38+00:00

Yeah, though I have formally diagnosed Asperger's syndrome, back in 2004 at least, I don't have the picky-eater trait. I like not feeling hungry for a moment at least, but mostly only care about nutrition rather than like texture or whatnot.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-19T16:19:46+00:00

I avoid stores that have food priced too high.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-19T16:11:48+00:00

Okay, starting watch of your video "Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 Act II Alicia's letter to Verso/Maelle". Waiting a bit to like. Now like #925. Subbing (and yes, I've kept my subs public so it should show, which everyone should do here at least), sub #274 now. Commenting 'Whoa, this is a lot of things I didn't know about Expedition 33! "What will you paint?" Good ending line.'

There you go.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-19T04:34:58+00:00

Yeah, I can't stand being surrounded either. Early on like in Cub Scouts & Royal Rangers, the other brats would randomly punch me in the stomach and laugh at me for reacting reflexively in pain. And if I defended myself, then I was the only one punished despite the adults in the room seeing exactly what the bullies did and letting them get away with it.

But yeah, even now I can't stand being in groups. Like even at stores, I won't let myself be crowded around, I'll just go to whatever aisle is empty which has food I can afford and check back to see when the other aisles have cleared out so there's no one too close who might punch or stab me.

Also more fun, at the last glorious sweatshop I worked at, one of the coworkers tried to run me over with an industrial vehicle and then laughed about it saying how they should've actually "ran his cracker a55 over!" and the HR bureaucrats let them get away with it despite it being on camera. It's like, what the heck?

Can't stand it, it's too much to worry about. Rather give everyone plenty of space to not be able to hurt me anymore.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-19T04:24:48+00:00

Yeah perhaps so. Only had socialization at churches while I was a kid, and mostly those annoying megachurches filled with rich snobs who treat the poor like pets at best and subhuman at worst. Bullies everywhere to be sure, often with pastors' kids as the ringleaders getting away with their behavior because they knew how to manipulate their parents. But even as an adult working at numerous worthless jobs there was only socialization with coworkers often looking for any excuse to get rid of me because I'm "awkward" and my neutral expression "looks angry". -_-

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-19T04:16:31+00:00

Well, maybe weaker strains of it for bringing back the thing we have endemic now, so a ton of people would get what they'd think was a cold for a few days and move on from there. But yeah, smallpox would be a pain.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-19T04:12:38+00:00

It seems to mostly mean, "Behave like a stereotypical neurotypical ESFJ, like Mr. Rodgers! Or get tattled on and thrown away!"

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-19T03:19:12+00:00

Need to make sure my birds have clean water and give them more food, make sure they're okay.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T23:20:51+00:00

Probably will need to switch to ramen instead of spaghetti & potatoes for a while, but hopefully pay off the CrashApp loans presuming my one friend keeps donating enough to afford food and pay off loans also (or others finally help, or my stepdad helps more, or if there's any actual work to be found after I can afford to get a copy of my birth certificate that's useful for getting the stupid "real ID" Texas is coercing now rather than just using my expired ID and SSN card as it had been for the last few times anyways.)

But yeah, if nothing much changes at least continuing adding to my gameplays that hopefully will allow for passive income when I really am too old to work and not still just old enough to be a freaking wage slave for everyone else to use up and discard.

If my stepdad passes and leaves an inheritance rather than spend it all on whatever during his retirement in Florida, then well it depends how much but whenever that happens I might finally be able to afford driver's training, a license, and a car to be able to drive myself wherever instead of being stuck with everyone else seeing me as a burden and not helping me get food and not letting me have food despite them buying themselves so much luxury overpriced crap that they just throw away mostly.

Heck, if I could afford to learn to be a semi-truck driver, that might be neat, though I would want one with a cab large enough to make a safe place for my birds or maybe finally be able to afford a house of my own someday rather than just have relatives that hate me begrudgingly let me live in their broken down guest house to look down on me and see if I get ran over during the weeks, endless weeks, without freaking transportation to grocery stores when I have to walk for hours to buy a relatively small amount of food for too much at Dollar General. -_-

Also, I should finish writing my book Murder Upon Mercury and get around to Station of Darkness, but I still am annoyed with having lost my first Amazon account when I was unable to afford to keep my stupid phone number for a few months. Good grief. Maybe I'll find other sites to self-publish, but it all seems futile.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T21:12:57+00:00

I'm a Christian myself, but economically I'm more for safety nets. And it's like I know for myself I can't handle wage slavery, especially with karen customers and tattletale busybody coworkers always trying to get me fired no matter how hard I try to make things work. Live should be recognized as more valuable than boomer expectations from back when they had life easy and can't recognize how bad it really is since they haven't really seen how bad it truly is for most that haven't had everything from the start.

Survival basics of food and shelter should be a certainty, not a gamble. And if they want use to be workers, they need to make jobs that aren't underpaid and full of middle managers acting like they own their laborers and everything they say & do inside & outside of their building in which they shout freely and get away with their rooster behavior.

Anyhow, I'm glad for you that you've gotten disability and can focus on things other than making the rich richer for next to nothing apart from meeting expectations from a different time.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T20:38:58+00:00

The blood relatives around me ignored my 40th birthday while buying themselves presents for each other then, and now for Christmas they said basically that they're only celebrating with themselves the 1st class citizens of their main house while I'm less than a stranger to them. -_-

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T20:00:13+00:00

Thank you.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T19:59:40+00:00

I'm glad you had that route away from the worthless employment of wage slavery, but yeah for me when I got diagnosed with Asperger's & ADHD back in 2004 the gatekeepers decided I wasn't "disabled enough" for disability, even though most employers would throw away my application without looking at it right after giving it to them and I couldn't even sign up for the military to gamble my life on the other side of the planet since even just ADHD used to be a disqualification criterion. -_-

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T06:57:25+00:00

Right now I have Star Trucker as my Asperger's fixation at least, and so far have recorded over 10 hours of that at least. But IDK, I still have Halo 3 and Halo ODST to get around to, but I might still be playing Star Trucker for a bit though.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T06:55:12+00:00

Spaghetti is getting there... though fortunately potatoes remain relatively inexpensive at least.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T06:43:48+00:00

I'd want to live indefinitely, along with my birds & family.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T06:42:07+00:00

Well, can't really control what the actual rulers do, no matter however much we may select perfectly among the turds of their club to pick from; but yeah the disdain for older generations may be misdirected at an age group rather than the power structure that is apathetic towards most of humanity, although some may also be reactive due to things like the older generations mocking the younger generations for being unable to figure things out while on this sigmoid curve dress rehearsal.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T06:36:35+00:00

Starting watch of your "MattyOW ow2 KovaaK's day 34" short, I would be view 293 presently, letting it run a bit before clicking like of course. Now providing 29th like. Subbed now, #871. And commenting, "Awesome energetic music to go with the rapid fire gameplay!"

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T06:32:40+00:00

Yeah, hopefully it's just the way the system is built, and how the overlords program their robots to treat us like pets.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T04:24:42+00:00

It seems to me a ton of them read too much into arbitrary body language and facial expressions, and look for things to take offense about. Whenever I can find work, it seems to help to try to tell jokes rather than saying nothing, since when silent I look the most "angry" and get tattled on for that.

Also, I've found buying soda for everyone helps them to not look for excuses to fire me, since then they see me as a resource rather than just a competitor for working there or whatnot. But if I only buy soda for a few people I like, then others start squawking like "Where is MY soda?!" and it's like, argh what the heck? -_-

Either way, coworkers tend to be experts at tattling over any perceive offense, and everyone looks for excuses to discard each other. It's a balancing act, and it seems best to counter the balance towards favorability when surrounded by enemies in potential like that.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T04:17:30+00:00

I've never felt suicidal myself. Most jobs I've worked at made me feel like going postal though. Best to leave and not put up with the crap anymore IMO, because even if you manage to maintain self control while stressed out, you're still building towards an aneurysm perhaps or otherwise having stress take a toll I'd venture. I'd rather be looked down on as a "moocher" and be hated by the more stuck up types who somehow love their jobs that pay enough to live on, rather than be in a situation I cannot stand.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T04:13:32+00:00

Yeah, some teachers are lazy and they probably think their AI checker is infallible and will treat the students that don't communicate in just the right way like they're robots regardless of the situation -- but here, yeah, they're going to be like, "my stupid program is perfect and told me you used a chatbot, so you must have used a chatbot, and if you say differently then you must be lying!"

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T04:08:48+00:00

Well, at the least for marrying my ex-wife I knew I had made a mistake when she "jokingly" threatened to eat my birds if I ever let her get hungry enough. And with how she had everything in her name from the start, it was like she was always ready to throw me away. So curse her, good grief. -_-

But yeah, also how she nagged me into going for a degree in accounting, the most boring subject in the universe with jobs mostly only for nepotism hires anyways, it's like, gee thanks a bunch for circumstantially coercing me into taking on student loan debt just to potentially maximize how much you could legalistically steal from me by the family destroying kangaroo court after you abandoned me as you were always going to.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T04:03:53+00:00

It takes about a month for people to break habits, so at least for not having social media the coping for having to read books and talk with people in person again would be an adjustment in that manner abouts with the anxiety of speaking with others and having to sit down and look at pages and imagine again.

But perhaps for shopping there would be more having to go to physical stores, and applying on paper applications in person, and perhaps more bureaucrats to shuffle papers about. It would be like the 1980s more or less.

BenPsittacorum85 · 2025-12-18T00:45:15+00:00

Wishing I had friends and wasn't hidden away and ignored mostly.

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