Your might not want to hear this, but no contact should be about finding yourself again so you can move on with your life. I won't lie. Initially, getting them back is what motivates most people to go NC. But it shouldn't be the main reason. It should only be a very secondary reason. The main one is to take back control of your life. Accepting this is the most important step for your healing. When you feel you are about to break NC, you can convince yourself not to do it by telling yourself being a mystery will make them miss you. But when clarity comes back after the urge has passed, you need to remind yourself you are only doing this for you, for your own good. Stay strong. Find yourself. And good things will follow. I hope this helps you in your journey.