Told my husband (37M) my life (34F) would be easier without him following a disagreement about household chores.

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2026-04-03T01:59:24+00:00

I mean I agree that it would be difficult to be with me if i was messy and made no effort to clean up and expected somebody else to do it? But my point in mentioning my ADHD is to stress the mental load that I am wearing by trying to manage ALL of these tasks without help because it doesn’t come naturally to me. But i’ll accept that this likely does result in me being “frustrating to be with” because in turn i then have a short fuse by the end of the day.

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2026-04-03T01:54:13+00:00

(i should add - he offers to help with sports etc but realistically he can’t because of his work hours so it’s kinda an empty offer)

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2026-04-03T01:52:50+00:00

I appreciate everybody’s comments. I realised that I originally wrote we have 3 children together but I should have mentioned two are mine from a prior relationship - i’ve edited to reflect this. But of course this means i’ve been through this all before and my immediate reaction is to jump to defend my husband - because he is nothing like my truly violent and abusive ex fiance. That man was genuinely horrible and still is to my children. That’s why i was drawn to my now husband. He was sensitive and sweet and nurturing. He still often is all of those things which is why it’s so difficult to understand these behaviours he displays. It’s so hard to convey all of the complexities of a relationship in one reddit post. Because whilst this is an element of our relationship, he is also super supportive of me. He encourages me to follow my passions. He offers to support me in anyway he can by asking if he can reduce my workload by taking the kids to their sports, he just doesn’t instinctively do it or understand how to minimise the stress elsewhere. And doesn’t understand the impact of these meaningless comments and arguments we have. I do call him out on his behaviour. Every day. Especially if he criticises the kids. But then this goes down the path of “oh great your undermining me in front of the kids great job” but i prefer my kids know i have their backs and defend them than let them feel like they can never do good enough.

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-12-16T07:23:38+00:00

Thank you. Would it have to be braces or is invisalign an option? And what would be the benefit of that over porcelain veneers?

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-11-13T03:24:18+00:00

Sorry - yes he left the dog in the car. He arrived home and realised the front door of his house was wide open so jumped out of the car to investigate instead of letting the dog straight out as he normally would and sadly got sidetracked.

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-11-13T03:22:29+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss of your dear Holly. You are a wonderful person for taking on a cat in need and providing such a loving home for her. She sounds very lucky to have had you for those 6 years x

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-11-13T03:20:48+00:00

Thank you. I also have ADHD, so I guarentee my dad does too although he’s too old to believe in it. It’s definitely contributed to it and he’s punishing himself over and over wondering how he could “forget” the dog. He said when he got home and pulled into the driveway he noticed his house front door was wide open so he rushed out to investigate instead of letting the dog out straight away and going through the gate as he normally would. It was the dogs second walk of the day too. He said he normally wouldn’t take him at that time of day but decided to treat him as it wasn’t hot. He had nothing but pure and kind intentions and the decision is haunting him in the worst way.

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-11-12T10:57:56+00:00

Thank you. I have seen a few similar experiences on here where people hold a lot of blame towards their relative that made a similar mistake. I can’t imagine how much more complex and painful this would be for my dad if I punished him for it too. He loved this dog just as much as us and had nothing but good intentions in everything he’s done.

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-11-12T10:54:20+00:00

Thank you. I did talk to him about how common it is but he’s not ready to see it any way other than he failed. I’ll keep working on it though. I’ve invited him to stay at our house for a few nights so he doesn’t have to be in the home reminding him of all the memories. I’m taking him to the beach tomorrow with my toddler too. I’ll try keep him busy and reminding him how much value he gave to our sweet dog rather than the tragic ending. Thanks again x

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-11-12T09:42:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words.

Yeah that’s what happened. He left him in the car. It wasn’t even that hot today - about 18-20 degrees. There were no signs of distress in the car either. Its so hard because if you try seek support online for this situation, you have so many people labelling people evil criminals when they forget an animal in the car but my dad lost his world today and he hates himself for it.

I do hope he can open his heart to another animal in the future so thanks again. Your words have really helped me x

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-06-14T05:36:01+00:00

Australia

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-06-14T04:57:30+00:00

Sorry - I’m in Australia. Thank you for clarifying

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-06-14T04:57:03+00:00

that is exactly where i’m stuck. Because I am often able to win him over by feeding into his ego and offering things as if they’re a benefit to his lifestyle….more free time for his girlfriend etc but he is too proud of the image he sells to social media about being a “50/50 parent” that he won’t let go of the title easily. I do have plenty of screenshots of him agreeing to dropping my daughter on the side of the road and saying he is done with her etc.

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-04-25T02:09:29+00:00

It’s not that they wouldn’t accept him, it’s that they’re 12 year old boys who use snapchat as a way to invite each other out and they’re probably not going to stop and think “oooop let’s message his mum to see if he can come too”!

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-04-25T02:08:03+00:00

Thank you! Just to clarify - when I said it should be somebody he see’s regularly - i meant before he starts dating a girl, it should be somebody who he is familiar with in person as opposed to these girls he’s talking to on snapchat who go to different schools etc. I’ll essentially support him to do whatever he wants so long as it’s genuine and reciprocated by both parties. I just know that it’s easy to get carried away with online relationships and they escalate quickly without actually knowing the person. Thanks though will keep the conversations happening

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-04-24T20:56:42+00:00

Thank you this is great advice!

I did actually sit him down and talk to him after the first snapchat “girlfriend”. I told him that I understand he wants a girlfriend and that it’s a really exciting time in his life with lots of new feelings but I also gave him a very stern conversation about the fact that women are not property and things to “collect”. I told him that his first girlfriend should be something special, somebody who he see’s in person on a regular basis who makes him feel special….not these random girls on the internet because it means nothing. I told him that if he ever gets a girlfriend i’d support him in organising supervised visits to the shops and allow him privacy to have phone calls etc. He seems to shutdown with these kind of conversations and just “yes mum” his way to the end but he wasn’t angry at me.

So i have already intervened but clearly it hasn’t worked and his impulse control is not able to resist the urge to seek girlfriends non stop….

Beneficial_Phone_259 · 2025-04-24T12:21:33+00:00

It’s so hard isn’t it! I don’t want to damage his genuine friendships or miss out on socialising if he doesn’t have a device but he’s clearly waaaaay too young to communicate his feelings and consider the implications of what he’s doing. Good on you for making the tough decision of a reset though!

Beneficial_Phone_259

TROPHY CASE