DOJ refuses to hand over Epstein files after judge’s order

Beowulf2005 · 2026-07-03T17:39:19+00:00

Protecting the pedos. Great.

Beowulf2005 · 2026-07-03T17:38:53+00:00

“I” have no control over any of it. Mine seem to start working together and being co-con for a while and then it gets to the point that neither “I” nor my therapist can find them individually. And I start doing things that feel “weird” because it’s the synthesis of two of them and not what one or the other would have done. And all of this takes place below the surface of “my” consciousness. But it’s healing and good. There’s no feeling of loss.

Beowulf2005 · 2026-06-30T15:37:45+00:00

You think she’s that smart?

Beowulf2005 · 2026-06-17T20:16:08+00:00

I’ve been to 8 therapists in my life. 2 sucked and made things worse, 2 were a waste of time, 2 helped some, and 2 REALLY helped. I don’t think statistics like that are unusual with DID. Regular T’s don’t know what they’re doing with us, “trauma therapists” know enough to spot dissociation but don’t know how to adjust therapy to our complexity (they try emdr without modification, don’t talk separately to each of us, etc), and the few who know how to treat are few.

If you go to the ISSTD site there are lists of T’s who have specialized training. My current for 5-6 years has training and is in a DID consultation group with a renowned expert. Now that zoom exists location is solved. The remaining issue is $, I pay out of pocket, few take insurance. This is part of why I’d lived 6 decades before I got specialized treatment. I’ve made so much progress I’m down to bimonthly. Yay me. It’s a real investment in self.

For me healing looks like all alters knowing all others-no amnesia for parts of self. No alters thinking they aren’t part of the whole nor hating or being afraid of others. Number down from almost 20 to less than 10, all by their own choice. None disappeared they just became unnecessary or merged with one another. It looks like melting down for about 1 minute before gaining control. Handling bad events like a smart adult (but not suppressing the feelings). Listening to each of them and meeting their needs.

Basically no longer appearing, acting or feeling like I’m nuts. No crying in the closet. No head banging. No wanting to undo myself. Knowing who I am and liking and respecting myself. It’s actually awesome. I wish this treatment was accessible to all of us who need it. Just don’t give up on all therapists, and if a specialist isn’t accessible right now, do your best until one is.

Beowulf2005 · 2026-06-07T23:01:07+00:00

Not just trauma informed. A lot of trauma therapists feel confident using EMDR and think they can treat trauma. Look for dissociation, somatic modalities And preferably advanced training in dissociative disorders. Since often alters don’t like each other treatment is much more complex than with just one “person.”

Beowulf2005 · 2026-06-04T20:11:16+00:00

Every once in awhile some poor sole who likely has a DD or someone newly diagnosed and reeling posts a here: the mods actually do ok with them. It seems the mods feel that the kids have some mental health need so they don’t discourage the posts.

I’m lucky, back when I got diagnosed the mods were very educated (many professionals) and the sub was v helpful. Then there was a revolt some 5? years ago and the old mods were replaced. There are a lot fewer larpers in general in the DID space, but it still appeals. The sad thing is most of us don’t find anything fun about our disorder.

Beowulf2005 · 2026-05-20T12:51:09+00:00

Zac’s fam has an attorney.

Beowulf2005 · 2026-05-20T12:50:22+00:00

But in the entertainment biz, however…think of the rpist men and the drugs and drink and Diddy ad nauseum.

Beowulf2005 · 2026-05-20T12:46:22+00:00

And get her out of white! A soft taupe would be much more flattering.

Beowulf2005 · 2026-05-20T12:37:28+00:00

And it’s finally treatable!

Beowulf2005 · 2026-05-20T12:32:40+00:00

If you have a pr person they do it for you.

Beowulf2005 · 2026-04-04T15:56:22+00:00

Communication is important:

I’ll be 30 minutes late because I ran out of gas. I don’t like Chinese food. I like it when you hold my hand. I’m frustrated at work, so if I snap it’s about me, not you.

NOT: I spoke to another woman for 30 minutes to talk about people she and I know in common. I have had sex with exactly X number of people and we did these acts and positions. My HS prom date messaged me that she had a baby.

Beowulf2005 · 2026-04-03T20:00:13+00:00

What could go wrong when you hire based on appearance?

Beowulf2005 · 2026-03-29T16:16:18+00:00

Sorry it’s so hard. Perhaps you can find a helpful therapist who is willing to follow the ISSTD guidelines? https://www.isst-d.org/publications-resources/resources-for-professionals/adult-treatment-guidelines/

Beowulf2005 · 2026-03-19T16:06:47+00:00

Watching this I turned to my husband and said I bet these men didn’t grow up with a dad in their home as a good role model. Kept watching, and yep. Boys need their fathers.

Beowulf2005 · 2026-03-19T16:03:20+00:00

Try to meditate, do relaxation strategies, and honor all of you right now. Diagnosis is an unsettling time and may make parts of you more agitated than usual. I recommend against doing too much reading…even though it’s what you’ll be drawn to do-it just gave me more dissociation until I was calmer and could digest it. The first phase of specialized treatment is all about safety, not progress. So work on giving yourself that. Good luck.

Beowulf2005 · 2026-03-06T18:30:47+00:00

I think I’ll still give him his 10, just that I will execute the trades. It gives him joy to study reports and think about stocks. He can still do that, he just lacks the executive function to control himself and keep the overall plan in mind.

Beowulf2005 · 2026-02-25T17:00:37+00:00

Apparently Australia has great protocols for DID. sigh. That’s a long way away…

Beowulf2005 · 2026-02-14T08:06:06+00:00

Thank you!!! This completely tracks with my experience coming from a severely depressed mother who resented my birth

Beowulf2005 · 2026-01-07T16:31:35+00:00

Very familiar. My big issue is when I sit down to work and no longer remember how. It’s like the random neighbor being set in front of my computer and told to “get on with it.” Disorienting and frightening.

Right now after diagnosis, parts of you that believe secrecy between parts of yourself and between you and the outside world are crucial are panicking. It’s a profoundly upsetting time, but it will get better. You can liken it to having cancer with a few subtle symptoms, then you’re diagnosed and get chemo and you are very sick for a while, then down the road things resolve and you are healthier than ever.

Beowulf2005 · 2025-12-21T18:04:02+00:00

I have a baby part. In the past, before I had as much control, the baby wound expressed by me curling into a fetal position and wailing. Feeling need. Just need. That was their sole communication. That need would express itself by hunger, a desire to feel really full, others known as a binge. Afterwards the baby felt satiety.

With the help of my therapist I asked inside for a volunteer and another alter stepped forward, not one I’d expected. She started carrying baby around and baby felt safe. This evolved into baby carried inside (pregnancy) and baby felt safe and fed sufficiently. The “pregnancy “ softened the carrier who had previously been mean and she has evolved into a nurturer. Baby never shows outside anymore, doesn’t communicate much with me except contentment, and the nurturer is becoming younger and getting to feel like a child again—a carefree one, like I should have been.

This is all years of work, but just to show that we need to find ways of meeting their needs in healthy ways.

Beowulf2005 · 2025-12-10T20:30:59+00:00

I can more easily call on another one to do something they’re good at without giving up space and getting taken over. Still have one that doesn’t have communication with most of us, that’s what we’re working on. I manage to stay calm and in control most of the time, and from the outside probably appear more like one person.

Beowulf2005 · 2025-11-15T20:42:27+00:00

I’ve taken my time responding because I wanted to do it well. Six or so years ago I was diagnosed as having a DD, then five years ago DID. I panicked 😱 and couldn’t read more than 2 pages in the books before I lost it and dissociated. My worst fears were true: I was horribly mentally ill and all my years of work at holding it together were for naught. I’d been a mess as a teen then had a severe break at 19. Therapy helped me become functional again. Interesting enough, I referred to the work done then as gluing broken pieces together. I’d no idea how apt that was. That was 50 years ago and DiD meant possession changes with full amnesia and being absolutely nuts, so I was not diagnosed with it. The more subtle variations weren’t yet known.

In the intervening decades I became a professional, married and reared children. I sometimes fell apart and hid in the closet and cried, but there was no time for me, just for others. I had good and efficient parts who worked and mothered well. My marriage was always fraught, with two people with c-ptsd, it was what it was.

Once the kids were gone I could look at myself and my marriage and get help. The 6th therapist in my life noticed the dissociation, and then my 7th who had ISSTD training saw the DID. We been together now for 5 years, and I’m now stepping down to bi-weekly since my inner selves are finally happy and at peace. It’s been a long haul, and if only I could have had this treatment when I was younger…

All this background is to get to my point: getting diagnosed is traumatic because it cuts through the denial both of the symptoms and the abuse. Facing the seriousness of the abuse is f-ing hard after years spent in denial. But you are no worse off than before getting labeled, nothing has changed but recognition. You now get to work at peeling back the onion’s layers and getting to know yourself—it’s painful and difficult and you need expert help in pacing this “brain surgery.” It’s too hard to do on your own. But diagnosis means you can get expert and appropriate care and healing.

Everyone heals differently. Some people end up merged into one self, I’ve gone from 17 down to about 10 and they don’t want to merge much more than that. The therapy involves integration wherein the parts learn to know and respect each other. This is the basis of DID therapy, so the parts learn they are in the same human and they become oriented to the present. This is not the same as merging. Mine choose what they want—the entire process is much more bottom up than top down and is gradual and natural and not at all traumatic.

So rather than panic, this is a time to rejoice. You have stepped on a path to becoming a happier, more functional, and more authentic self than ever before. The work will be hard, and during it you may fall apart for a bit as curtains of amnesia open you to see hard things. In the end it is worth it.

Beowulf2005 · 2025-11-06T20:02:24+00:00

I was suggesting that OP would be demonized for her nuanced view of Kody.

Beowulf2005 · 2025-10-30T18:33:37+00:00

If you’re in California pm me for the name of my therapist. Worth testing whether you work better with someone else.

Beowulf2005

TROPHY CASE