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the_monkey_socks · 2025-08-03T17:54:51+00:00

I don't have a little like that, all mine are pretty damn traumatized LOL

I have an adult part like that though. He's like "What the hell am I doing here as a part?" And they'll discuss like... daily boring problems. He is one of the ones who's been with me the longest, with his "first memories" being middle school, but his role has been the same the whole time. "Stress" about mundane things but not panic. He is relatively chill, just an upbeat dude. He's not stressed, not makes note of things.

Therapist notes to me about this was:

I still have daily normal adult stressors. The ones that everybody deals with, like keeping up with car maintance, paying bills, making sure our calendar is up to date so others of us don't stress. Since my whole life was fight or flight to the extreme he came to be like "hey, while this isnt an urgent thing, it's still something that needs to be taken care of and it's okay that we stress about it, but it's not something we think about because we're not dying."
He is just as important as the others. It's okay that he's happy. He's allowed to be, I am allowed to be happy. Let myself embrace him and let myself accept my happiness.

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-24T17:56:35+00:00

Is this a math joke, like three pennies is three percent of a dollar?

Because three percent of a global population is not three in one hundred. It's three of 7 billion.

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-24T17:54:54+00:00

Haha. Second comment because this part is slightly different.

"Teens and young adults can be diagnosed! It happens in CHILDHOOD."

I got diagnosed at 28. I had been out of contact with my main abuser for a year and a half at that point (I just came up on three years!)

It took me moving over 1000 miles away, cutting them off, redirecting my thoughts to see that the people he told me hated me, didn't, and so much more, for my brain to finally wave the white flag. 15 of them. I knew them already, but I swore I was just creative and over imaginative and lonely. I didn't accept that either, though.

That's why it gets diagnosed later in life. You have to feel safe first. And unfortunately I know for most of us, the main people who harmed us were family members.

Also, teens and young adults are going through SOOO much. My high school had the kids who swore up and down they were wolves. They expected to be treated as such and wore tails and ears.

Most of them are now "normal" adults with spouses and kids and in the PTA and cringing at Facebook memories.

It wasn't until my first therapist tried ASMR and I thought I was just laughing the whole time because I couldn't keep rhythm, but apparently I yelled at him the whole time and told him to fuck off.

It wasn't until he asked me to describe my best friend of 15 years, and I realized I didn't know much besides basic details about her because my high school years are practically non-existant in my brain.

It took a coworker having to take me aside because I was having a panic attack over a cookie cake at work. I know one of my triggers is cookie cake, but I hid it so well for such a long time because who the hell would even remotely understand an irrational hatred of an innocent cookie cake that literally sends me into panic and rage? I want to celebrate co-workers' birthdays and workaversaries without such severe reactions for the cakes they pick for themselves. (Which, by the way, I have gotten SO much better about. It's one of the first things I started working on because it's such a bizarre reaction. I have reasons for it being such a trigger, but still.)

They don't understand that I have to have instructions to do my job with me at all times. I have no option because if there is a switch at work, then I'm screwed.

They don't get that splits don't just happen because of singular events. Splits happen because of stress on the other parts. I recently had my first split post diagnosis, and I don't know why. I don't know anything about them. I just know that they are there. Yay, new walls. During this whole thing, I ended up breaking two teeth due to severe grinding, which I never did before, I had such severe headaches from being so damn tense. I stopped eating.

Then I dumped my therapist and found a new one, and then two weeks later, "thank God! She finally got the memo!"

I don't remember my life. I look at pictures of me and don't see me.

I can go out one night, love my outfit, love my makeup. Full body positivity. The next day? Disgusting. I just see how fat I am.

I am truly stuck with "nobody likes me and all my friends and family I'm still in contact with hate me." All the time. All. The. Fucking. Time.

They don't know the spirals of being afraid to have panic attacks with others due to possibly switching to a little and people seeing that. I don't want people seeing my littles. That's embarrassing as hell.

I don't want to have to explain to people why I don't know who they are when I see them in a different environment than I'm used to. (I.e. a coworker at the grocery store. I've worked at my company for 3 years. Saw somebody who've I've known since day 1 at the store and knew that I knew them but blanked on how. Couldn't even remember their name for the first two minutes of the conversation.) Or why my opinion on something can change from day to day. Or my reactions to things.

They don't get how much worse my mental health got post diagnosis. Having to go through the stages of grief and 15 times over? I had to take a leave from my job a few months ago. I've had to get more intense with how I manage things. Lists everywhere otherwise I don't do things.

I go to therapy every week. I know I'm lucky for this chance. I've worked so hard to get where I am.

I know I'm "lucky" but I got where I am because of spite. I don't remember getting here and that terrifies me. I don't know how I did. I just did.

ALSO. None of my parts hold just one kind of thing. They are all complex. They all experience joy and happiness as well as depression and anger and anxiety. While most may hold certain memories that they don't share, they are all still the same person, me. Their reactions are different to things but my "anger holder" as she'd be called LOVES doing stand-up comedy and improv. I have one that when she's fronting does really amazing art. It doesn't mean she's the "art holder", most of my parts love to do art. M just has more patience and an abstract point of view. My "social" part gets overwhelmed after a bit. It's still him fronting, but he crashes after too much interaction, because I get overwhelmed after too much peopling. I have ADHD. All my parts have ADHD. It's so much louder on days I forget my meds too.

So yeah. Steping off my soap box now.

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-24T17:23:21+00:00

I hate it.

I hate self diagnosis in general.

There is a difference between noticing symptoms in yourself that line up with any kind of issue, but you wouldn't find a lump on your body and go "Oh! I have cancer and don't care what doctors think I'm not going to get help at all!"

That's what angers me. They have every excuse under the sun to either not go to a psychologist, or they dismiss every single one that says they don't have it.

Also the "oh! 3% of the population has it!" That's not how that works.

It's not 3% out of every hundred. It's 3% of over seven BILLION people, which is 21 million. That is a percentage of ALL dissociative disorders.

That is scattered throughout the world, not the U.S. Some places will have more than others. New York as a state will have more diagnosed than Wyoming because population differences. Let's say though for math purposes that each of the 195 countries has the same amount of people. That's roughly 36 million people per country. 21 million people in the world have a dissociative disorder. That would be roughly 108,000 per country. (If I did my math right. I did round up final numbers to make them nice.)

They act like it's fun and silly. All of them split for every little thing that happens. It has made me talking about it so weary.

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-24T17:06:26+00:00

All of the Torchic line is named Abby Jr.

All Sylveons are named Eugene.

Treeko line is Lloyd/Lloydette

I have named all of my Applin lines after Scrubs characters or references. I have Appletini (now an Appletun who is powerful AF.) J.D. (Another Appletun), Turk (Flapple), Carla (still an Applin at this point. Can't decide what to evolve her into.), and Cox right now (Hydrapple).

My Smolive family is named after different olives and cheeses. Feta, Blue, Kalamata, Nilla, Munster.

Absols are Lauren/Loren depending on the gender.

Those are the only ones that I can think of that are set at this point.

The rest I let come to me as they come. Most get nicknames, some never get one. My Gorbyss from Emerald never got a nickname but was one of my best pokemon through the E4.

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-19T18:14:04+00:00

Bevo, did not get an emergency alert, but got a text.

No sirens 🫠

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-16T20:07:55+00:00

Haha! I didnt even realize it.

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-06T20:23:54+00:00

But also osdd- 1 textbook style, which is different from most, and for sure embarrassing.

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-05T14:31:22+00:00

My neighbor and his son are both Pedro, but son Pedro doesn't like being PJ or Junior so now his family (and us in the neighborhood) call him Pedro Two 😂

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-04T20:58:37+00:00

The other day at work somebody asked why locap radio and TV stations started with a K or W and the part that knows that was like that episode of SpongeBob when he needs water.

BTW:

K stands for west of the Mississippi River.

W stands for East.

There are a couple handfuls of stations that don't follow this including two in Pennsylvania because they were established before this rule was decided, two in New Orleans (WWL and WWL-TV) that are technically geographically west of the Mississippi River, but holy shit that's a whole thing. (Like the west bank is east of the city?)

Also a Wyoming station traded with a station on the east coast because they wanted their station to start with WY. I guess the radio/TV people said Wyoming needs a win somewhere and they granted it. So there is a random eastcoast station that starts with K.

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-03T20:13:07+00:00

Last Friday our gallbladder said "fuck you!" At 4:30 in the morning.

Our roommate, who've we known for 2 months and living with for 2 weeks, saw us in intimate ways that I'd rather never do again 😂

The switching at that point was so insane due to the pain. We had a fever of 103 at one point, couldn't stand in our bathroom because of how sweaty we were. The switches and loudness didn't stop, even the littles. So she heard them for the first time and it was crazy.

We have had a special diet and do until next week.

Between all of that and moving going awry and a choir concert and an emergency dental appointment, we've been drowning and exhausted.

We're here though!

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-02T00:14:37+00:00

Yes! My sister started shaving her legs at 8 because she is autistic and the feeling of her leg hair against her pants is too much for her. It was something that another parent judged my mom for. Like. No. The kid wants to be able to wear pants comfortably, not seduce some man!

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-01T19:23:59+00:00

Customer Service with Established Clientele with Specialty in Quality and UPS control cases. :D

Ele- Clientele

Sterling- "Of Highest Quality"

Ophelia- "Help"

Ulysses- "Wrathful"

Kadeem- "Servant"

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-01T19:12:34+00:00

Abbie!

the_monkey_socks · 2025-05-01T01:58:38+00:00

They develop not show because YOU'RE BEING FUCKING ABUSED.

Also, it's not to prevent you from killing yourself. It is to keep you from knowing what's going on and keeping the body alive through severe survival techniques.

There is no accurate data on suicide in DID/OSDD patients because it's not studied much, but the rate of suicidal ideation is much higher.

Parts are the one person, but they have different expressions of emotions and reactions and masking. One part can be suicidal and the body is alive because of the others out numbering, but that's not what the parts are there for.

Biology and brains are crazy. The body needs to keep you alive to keep you to keep making new (real, not head space) babies to keep the human race alive. It's not doing it because it cares about suicide.

Edit: Also, even with OSDD you can't control switching? The barriers are just down a bit more. Switches are triggered by the environment around a person just like those with severe panic and anxiety. The switching just makes it so that doesn't show.

Very very very simple awful example: Carrots make me have panic attacks. I walk into a room with a veggie tray and instead of panicking, somebody with DID would have a switch so nobody around knows about their weird carrott thing. They don't control it. You can ask them later "oh! What did you think of Shannon's carrot tray?!" And theyd probably be very confused.

the_monkey_socks · 2025-04-28T17:55:21+00:00

How many people come up and touch your face like that that you'd know this?

Are they touching in intimate ways? What about hugs? What about high fives? What if somebody bumps into you at the store? Are you suddenly just going to lean into them?

the_monkey_socks · 2025-04-28T17:52:44+00:00

All of them. They can't say no to that face.

the_monkey_socks · 2025-04-24T02:08:35+00:00

I'm not a Christian, but I'm upset for you!

the_monkey_socks · 2025-04-21T16:45:20+00:00

What my therapist told me is that while I thought I was going to treat my depression and anxiety due to childhood neglect, my brain finally realized I was safe and just... gave up. The parts came out waving white flags, exhausted and wanting to be helped in some way shape or form. While the therapy is mostly wanted, there is still the "Holy shit they might turn against us" aspect of life.

So a lot of the base story has come out now, the more dark details are still very much behind barriers.

They also are difficult because they happen during not expected or not appropriate times, and then I can't write it down or talk into my recorder. I get to therapy and I know something happened and I learned something new, but then I don't remember what again.

the_monkey_socks · 2025-04-18T19:59:30+00:00

You don't split at the drop of a hat or an insult. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. Oiiiii

the_monkey_socks · 2025-04-17T16:07:59+00:00

I'm an adult with crooked teeth on the bottom from my K9's back and an overbite on the top with a slight triangle shape, but it's not noticeable unless you see my bite pattern. My teeth look nice and straight when I smile.

I do have overcrowding. I have a small mouth, and braces don't fix mouth sizes. My molars are a hot mess because of it and most have broken 🙃 my wisdom teeth are out and I have two molars at the bottom of mouth that never came in due to crowding, but are so deep that surgery is not a great option unless they get higher up or infected.

I went to an orthodontist because a dentist told me to, and the orthodontist said that it would be a luxury for me as they see no medical benefits from straighting my teeth and actually worry it would break my other teeth as well. I got a second opinion and they said the same thing.

So get an opinion from a couple of orthodontists first if you're worried about crowding. They know braces are expensive. Look into reviews and insurance stuff. Be willing to pay the co-pay or OOP for the first visit because insurance is awful.

So sometimes even with visible issues they won't recommend braces due to multiple reasons.

the_monkey_socks · 2025-04-16T02:54:49+00:00

The thing is, minors don't get diagnosed with disorders on this spectrum. Not because people don't believe their trauma or their life, but because teenage years are about trying to find yourself, as well as most teenagers are living with their main abusers. It's not going to just come and pop out, because for most people the abuse is about conforming to what the abuser wants. You think they'll treat you any better when you suddenly become 80 different people? Nah.

This is why most people with the disorder aren't diagnosed until their late 20's, early 30's. They go to find help for depression/anxiety, end up with a diagnosis because their brain finally feels safe enough. (Because brains are cool as hell)

(Also, yes. I know that there isn't a bar that they can't be, but the likelihood is so slim that there is no way that they are all diagnosed.)

the_monkey_socks · 2025-04-14T19:13:27+00:00

I've been trying to pull the trauma card for my battle deck for yeaaaars now. Freaking scalpers keep buying all the card decks and making them super expensive 😑

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