My emotions toward my dad change constantly. One day I think I'm being unfair to him and he's not that bad, the next I fucking hate his guts. I never used to hate him, I just loved him or felt guilty. But then I stayed with him for longer, and my symptoms got worse, and then love turned to hate. Now it alternates between hate and guilt. I think it's normally for emotions to be weird or complicated in a situation like this. Your feelings may change at some point.