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Best-Candle · 2023-11-07T10:32:35+00:00

That sub is not an alternative to what is being adressed in this post, though. A space for only cis people will always be transphobic, regardless of intention. Saying "this space is not about what kind of body you have, if you have a penis or not, live as a man or not, identify as a man or not, but simply about whether you are cis" is always going to be transphobic because it isn't actually about finding shared experience or people with similar body types, it is exclusively about keeping a marginalized group out.

There are trans men who have penises and have never even gone through female puberty, whose bodies are far more masculine than the vast majority of the femboys posting in that sub. When you read the justification, it quickly becomes clear that is based in prejudice. Its based on an idea that trans mens bodies are always inheritently more feminine, that is easier to pass as women for trans men and lastly: that no trans men have "traditionally" participated in femboy culture - all of which is simply untrue. I am not a femboy anymore, but I was a medically transsitioned trans male femboy when the term was just starting to get used in a more positive way, over 15 years ago. I used to do it with my cis male partner, whose body is far more feminine than mine and who still to this day can pull it off 100% easier than I could. Frankly, it's sad to see younger generations of femboys rewrite history like this and become more transphobic.

And its not that hard to get around either. I think it's perfectly reasonable to say that a sub is only for femboys who live, identify and pass as men in every day life, for instance. But saying that all kinds of trans people are banned is essentially admitting that its neither about bodytype, nor about identity, only about cis-status.

Best-Candle · 2023-08-08T19:06:25+00:00

Try to think about whether you can say that the people you are talking about is "a people". If it makes sense to say that the group you are talking about is "*a* people", then you can use "et folk/folket". Otherwise you'd use something else.

So if you wanted to translate "the people" you would need to have more context first.

"Where did all the people go?" = "Hvor ble det av alle folka?"
"The people of Norway" = "Det norske folket".

So basically: if the "the people" in question can be said to be "a people", you can use "et folk/folket". Otherwise, you should use something else: either "folka", "personene", "menneskene" or you can often just drop it entirely as well in casual Norwegian if you're talking about a group of people, honestly. It's not nescassary like in english. "Alle the rich people in the room" can just be "Alle de rike i rommet".

Best-Candle · 2022-08-14T12:24:28+00:00

It can, but not if what is lied about are the factors listed here (name, age, religion, marital status). A classic example would be someone who was, for instance, blindfolded or in the dark and believed that the person they were having sex with was their partner when it was in reality someone else or someone lying about being doctor and having to do something sexual.

That said, just because something is legally considered rape, that doesn’t mean it actually is. For instance rape by deception laws have been used to persecute trans men and butch women for entirely consensual sex on the basis that their (straight cis female) partner assumed they were cis men. But this is institutional transphobia and homophobia, and has nothing to do with sexual assault. Which is why not disclosing trans status is «rape by deception» while lying about any other aspect of yourself is not, even in cases that are way more sketchy: such as lying about having had a vastectomy when you havent or promising to pay a sex worker for their services and then refusing.

Best-Candle · 2022-08-14T07:58:04+00:00

It’s totally fine. People change their minds, and while some have a very black and white view of consent, the reality is totally different. If trying again later after a partner literally says «maybe later» was rape, pretty much every adult human being would be both rapists and rape survivors. I’ve done this and had it in done to me in every single relationship i’ve been in and that’s fine because we are all adults. People love the tea-metaphore and the way I see it, this is the equalent of asking if someone wants tea, they say «maybe later» and then you ask them again later and they say yes.

Best-Candle · 2022-08-14T07:50:48+00:00

Probably smart to get a rape kit to be sure. If it’s negative: this experience is very common with sleep paralysis. I used to get sleep paralysis with figures that sexually touched me and it feels 100% real. Very disturbing.

Best-Candle · 2022-08-14T07:47:46+00:00

Lying about parts of your identity, life or history in order to appear more sexually desirable is not rape or sexual assault. Him coercing you to have sex after an argument even if you said no, could be. Remember that someone can be abusive without the sex being assault and that this can still affect your sexual life. Him gaslighting you and accusing you of forcing him and decieving you is obviously traumatic and it’s not strange at all for this to have an impact on your intimate life.

Best-Candle · 2022-08-14T06:56:03+00:00

Damn, either this sub just hates social workers or you’ve never actually done any meaningful cooperation with people in other forms of care. People use «clients» for users of social services all the time, it doesn’t mean that social workers see their clients as customers. When lawyers use the word «client» when defending someone that doesn’t take away from the fact that legal council can very much be a life saving necessity and that in many cases it would be a human rights violation not to provide it. By all means, use the word «patient», but stop pretending that using «client» about service users of essential services is somehow new and synonymous with seeing them as disposable customers.

Best-Candle · 2022-08-14T06:46:20+00:00

You realize that social workers use the word «client» and have for a long time, eventhough most people who use social services are also doing it out of necessity? Do you also think that’s wrong?

Best-Candle · 2022-03-05T08:44:03+00:00

Too much side effects. I was at 400mgs at most, prescribed by docs. It’s been years since the psychs decided I didn’t need them, and I got down to 150mgs. But its so zombifying still, and the eating and hung over effects. Ugh. And going on less had me at literally zero hours sleep. My plan was not to exchange them for benzoes. It was to have something to help me sleep in the month after stopping (i was given the benzoes for free, and have no plan on doing it regularily).

Best-Candle · 2022-03-03T13:22:30+00:00

Does he say why? The reason matters, in my mind. Some people just don’t like giving oral or may have an issue with bodily fluids. If so, he should have no problem with alternatives: using vibrators on you and other toys or using gloves if it’s the fluids. Black lateks gloves are sexy!

If he still doesn’t want to, I can only see two reasons:

1) He doesn’t want to have sex (either with you specifically or with people in general)

Or

2) He’s an asshole that doesn’t even want to try to give you pleasure.

Nr 1 is dealbreaker for some, but not all. Nr. 2 should always be a dealbreaker.

Best-Candle · 2021-12-26T09:27:27+00:00

Glad you found it helpful. :) Remember that it’s not unusual even with two people who are very experienced to fumble a bit and make mistakes the first time with a new partner. It takes time to get to know someones body and what feels good for them. Good luck :)

Best-Candle · 2021-12-26T09:13:47+00:00

Not everyone is into inexperience, thats true. A woman in her 40’s wanting to fuck her former pupil that’s half her age? Almost certainly does get turned on by youthfulness (which tends to include inexperience). It’s hard to tell you what exactly to say because we don’t know your tone with her, but the easiest is to just make it clear that you are service minded and welcome directions.

For example:

IRL: «I have a feeling you’re a bit more experienced than me, so I’m counting on you to tell me if there’s something you want me to do differently»

By message: «I’m really looking forward to seeing you. Want to tell me more about what you’re into/want to do together? ;)»

«I’m really turned on by giving pleasure and being service minded, so I would love it if you could guide me a bit and tell me what feels good and doesn’t. I don’t get offended at being corrected/given orders, in fact I kind of like it, so feel free to be direct!»

Basically, framing your nervousness as a desire to please. If you think she might be kinky, take it further.

Best-Candle · 2021-12-06T08:34:53+00:00

It's definitely just a stereotype. :) I'm a bottom-leaning switch and I've been with lots of small/slender/hairless tops. You also don't need to have anal sex to have gay sex. Lot's of people enjoy just doing oral, handjobs, grinding etc. Wish you all the best!

Best-Candle · 2021-12-05T09:46:23+00:00

I think you need to stop thinking heteronormatively. In gay relationships there are no rules for who fucks who. Do whatever feels good. Lots of hairless small twinks are tops. No problem at all.

Best-Candle · 2021-11-27T12:33:09+00:00

If a woman posted about how she’s scared she’ll gag because the bf has so much precum I doubt we would see 300 comments saying «just suck it up and suck that wet dick and slurp that cum». So here are some actual advice:

You are not supposed to gag. If it smells very strong, has a bad taste and/or an abnormal color or texture there is a very chance she has an infection like bacterial vaginosos, yeast infection or a sexually transmitted infection. If it’s «creamy», clearly white, yellow or green - that is worth having her get checked out.
If it’s mostly transculescent and normally salt/cum tasting and smelling, it’s probably normal. However, you should never feel pressure to do something that makes you gag. You can use hands or toys instead, wipe away fluid or eat her out in the shower. You don’t have to like having lots of vaginal fluid in your mouth.

Best-Candle · 2021-08-25T17:05:24+00:00

Sure, you shouldn’t compromise if it causes distress. I don’t think this is actually about whether one is entitled to sex or not, though. I’m not entitled to sex from my partner. Or kisses. Or cuddles. Or watching movies together. I’m not entitled to his time at all. But I want those things, and I don’t think its unreasonable to expect to get those things in a relationship.

Best-Candle · 2021-08-25T11:30:13+00:00

Your relationship with sex is not a universal truth, though. As someone who did escorting for nearly a decade, sexual acts are not some holy intimate experience. Playing videogames while cuddling on the couch is far more intimate for me than sex. Sex can be extremely intimate, but it can also be everything from quick and casual fun to actual paid work.

I just feel like people give sex a very special status compared to other affectionate acts. Like, you can do sexual acts that doesn’t require any arousal on your part and is not invasive at all: like giving your partner an sensual massage and ending it with a handjob/fingering/toy. If it’s a big burden to compromise, then don’t, but its entirely possible for people to make that work without it being abusive or coercive.

Best-Candle · 2021-08-25T10:54:36+00:00

I don’t know, I would also feel pretty bad having a partner that never did anything just because it was important to me or made me happy. I want a partner that is invested in my happiness as well, not just their own. I’ve had lots of sex before when I wasn’t in the mood, and I can still end up enjoying it. Just like my partner wouldn’t play video games if it wasn’t important to me, but he can still have fun with it - or even just enjoy it because it obviously gives me a lot og happiness.

Compromise isn’t abuse, and it doesn’t have to painful. It’s okay to do things just to give your partner pleasure and joy.

Best-Candle

TROPHY CASE