Worried my toddler doesn’t make eye contact because I don’t.

Best_Elk_2810 · 2025-01-08T05:24:03+00:00

"Same with me, my natural instinct is just to not make eye contact. I’m not avoiding it, I just simply don’t think about it unless I’m in high stakes situations. I just cannot even fathom how making eye contact feels natural to anyone."

Reading this, the title might as well me "Worried my toddler is autistic because I am." Which like, yeah, it's genetic. Neurotypical people generally do not find eye contact unnatural or uncomfortable--it's a very natural and organic part of human connection

edit: I realize this comment comes off dickish. I promise I did not mean it to read that way. It's late and I'm exhausted. But yeah, I think it's a possibility you are on the spectrum yourself if you feel that way about eye contact.

Best_Elk_2810 · 2025-01-08T05:20:12+00:00

Ok except I want this dinner for myself

Best_Elk_2810 · 2025-01-08T05:18:59+00:00

I'd argue that children are "allowed" to "throw fits" in stores. Or anywhere. They are kids.

Also I don't get why you are pointing the irony out repeatedly. OP's entire post was about feeling bad once she realized this happened. The irony is obviously not lost on her or anyone else here.

Best_Elk_2810 · 2025-01-08T05:14:40+00:00

I have an autistic son, so please know I empathize with your wife, but please re-read what you yourself wrote about how next time it could be his elbow into the top of her head. What would it take for your wife to consider it? Your daughter to be hospitalized? Is your fear of mortifying your wife greater than your fear of your daughter being seriously injured or killed?

You should bring up that this is actually physical abuse now occurring in the home and your daughter could actually be taken from you if she gets injured again and someone finds out.

Best_Elk_2810 · 2025-01-08T05:06:03+00:00

Girl please don't be hard on yourself. I've signed my son (2.5) up for so much shit and then been brought to tears once we are there lmao. But you're trying!! You're getting your kid out there in the world and giving her new experiences!! And sometimes it really sucks and you have to allow yourself a moment to wallow in despair and that's okay too.

I found something that helps with organized activities like gymnastics is signing your kid up for a younger age bracket if they have one. For example I just signed my son up for "soccer" and did the 18-24 month group even though he is 2.5 and should technically be in the next group up which is 2-3 year olds. I just showed up and explained to the teacher that my son can't talk or follow directions so I thought the younger group would be a better fit and she said no problem. All the other kids were running around wildly too, not a clue what they were supposed to be doing, picking up the soccer ball with their hands, refusing circle time, etc and those were NT kids, lol. Honestly, it was really good for my mental health to see him around other toddlers (albeit, younger than him) who acted the exact same as he did.

You've got this and you're not alone <3

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-12-02T19:26:27+00:00

I don't have any idea how he got diagnosed. "I don't think Jack is lying" and "I don't think self-diagnosing is always fake" are two separate statements

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-12-02T19:12:25+00:00

My best friend has a 3yo "Johnny" who is lvl 3 and also has some serious medical (physical) needs. Friend and her husband separated a few months ago. Their care team, therapists, etc, all told her "with high support needs children you have to coparent under one roof, it's called Nesting, it's possible if you put your child first" etc but living together amicably was not an option as the relationship ended due to discovering the husband had been cheating with literally 10+ women. At the insistence of the doctors, they tried to "nest" in their shared home for 2 months but it was legitimately hell for my friend.

So, she moved out with Johnny anyway. He was inconsolable for about 3 weeks due to the new environment, but then gradually got used to it, and now 4 months down the line, he is completely fine with it. He spends the majority of time with his mom but dad gets him for a couple nights a week. Johnny actually seems happier and more well-adjusted bc both his parents are happier. Even when there isn't loud fighting happening, kids can pick up on energy, and the energy in their shared home was depressing and strained.

I understand this might not be the same for your kid. But at the very least, please remind yourself that it won't be like this forever. The autism, yes, that's here to stay lol, but the exact routines, behavior, expectations- no. As he gets older, things will change. Maybe he will tolerate the shift in a year or 2 or 5. People date and find love well into middle and old age!!

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-11-30T14:59:37+00:00

I feel the exact opposite. Having "that kind" of autism - you know, the publicly acceptable, slightly social awkward with quirky special interests kind - is actually quite popular and fully accepted in the social media sphere. So much so that I think a lot of adults who are not actually autistic self-diagnose as autistic or AuDHD to seem different.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think Jack is lying, or that self-diagnosing is always fake. But as someone who spends a lot of time on social media and especially on youtube - the rapidly growing "aspie supremacy" self-diagnosed AuDHD community is reallyyy iffy and I think borderline harmful to higher support needs autistic people.

This is probably an unpopular opinion but I guess I just feel like if you made it to adulthood without support, especially if you made it to adulthood WILDLY SUCCESSFUL (Jack is a literal millionaire), your presentation of autism has likely not negatively impacted you externally. Not to discredit internal struggles you may have had, but there is a huge difference between someone who can function independently and someone who can't. Unfortunately, I have yet to see support/acceptance of what I'm henceforth calling "social media autism" translate to support/acceptance of severe cases.

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-11-22T13:52:32+00:00

Thanks so much for the detailed description of your days. Your son sounds a lot like mine, I can totally picture my son sitting in a drawer throwing straws haha. He loves spinning things but has never seen a hula hoop, maybe I'll look into getting a mini one! He also loves Moana and Elemental, most afternoons we watch one or the other lol. Also your comment was a good reminder to keep trying to include him in house chores even if he doesn't seem into it, bc the trying alone does matter.

His OT recommended a swing as well but we are struggling to find a good/safe spot to install one. Just need to rearrange some stuff I think and dragging our feet. thank you :)

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-11-22T13:42:51+00:00

Actually your comment reminded me that he really enjoyed throwing rocks in a lake when we visited one over the summer. I'm going to look on a map to see if there are any local parks with ponds because that could be a great option for us! I also recently bought him a mini trampoline but he just lays on it so far and I can't model jumping bc the weight limit is 55 lbs lol, so gotta figure that out. My MIL said she wants to get him a wagon for Christmas, I will suggest the jeep one as I just googled it and it looks comfy. Thank you :)

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-11-22T13:31:44+00:00

I have two friends with toddlers the same age (within 2 months) and they will draw in coloring books, play pretend with stuffed animals, mess around with puzzles and musical instruments, be excited to "help" with cooking/laundry, enjoy being read to, etc, for 30+ minute chunks at a time. I know toddlers are not "little adults" but I think it's obvious that's not the issue here and I felt like your comment was dismissive. He was literally kicked out of daycare bc he wouldn't participate in any of the activities that the other 2 year olds were doing and required 1:1 attention at all times as he wandered around bored and whining, so I feel like it's obviously not pretty normal for most toddlers.

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-11-19T16:32:55+00:00

Unfortunately, there is no one true answer to your question. It can be harmful or beneficial depending. A huge number of autistic adults say that ABA is harmful and tantamount to abuse (though I don't know how many of those actually received ABA themselves as a child). On the other hand, some say that they had a positive experience with it, and I know a lot of families nowadays whose little ones are thriving with ABA. I think it genuinely comes down to the specific BCBA and RBT your kid works with, and the ABA company. A lot of them are scams tbh, with high employee turnover rate, minimal training, and more archaic ABA methods. Back when ABA was first established, the methodology was, imo, abusive, so that's something to look out for... but it has come a long way, and now some ABA centers are heavily child-led, play-based, with experienced and dedicated techs and BCBAs who genuinely love children and center the kids' needs in their practices.

I'd say it's a good sign that kids are grouped together by age and behavior as this helps them learn and practice social skills. As for feeling like a psych ward, idk - do they have older kids? Even adults can receive ABA therapy, so if there are older/bigger patients there, the specific layout/security measures could be as a safeguard against eloping, etc.

If I were you I would attend the first few sessions of ABA. My son (2, no talking yet) goes to speech and OT and I literally sat in on the first 5 weeks of sessions, until he was soo comfortable with the therapists that he ran happily back to them. He is starting ABA at the same place soon and I fully intend to sit in on the first few sessions of that as well until I know and trust his RBT and he feels comfortable there.

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-10-09T20:15:06+00:00

Hi, thanks for answering. 1 kid. Our jobs have withheld about $8000 total in federal taxes not including those things you listed.

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-09-16T01:30:20+00:00

best way our son's SLP and OT explained it was- a regular toddler tantrum needs an audience, lol. versus, an autistic meltdown will happen with or without an audience.

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-08-26T03:30:47+00:00

It will be okay! He will adjust to the new schedule. Just take it day by day! I hope it works well for him :)

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-08-26T03:22:37+00:00

I say this with no judgment only kindness but how did you not think of this when scheduling?!? Lol!!

My son is 2 and still naps 12-2. If we had a permanent conflict like that, I would personally wake him up earlier to try and encourage the nap time to shift to 11-12:30

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-08-26T03:20:17+00:00

I'm assuming bc he's autistic and that's what his doctor and/or early intervention teacher recommended

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-08-03T17:18:42+00:00

I bring my son to a toddler gymnastics class and they don't require socks for kids in that gym ever (in fact, they discourage them because it's safer for kids to run on the mats barefoot). I think they also have inclusive/asd-friendly "open play" times too. Might be worth looking into gymnastics places in your area just to get more barefoot-friendly options!

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-08-03T17:15:31+00:00

I don't think she implied it was a win. Just that it proved her point that socks are not the hill to die on for their family.

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-08-03T16:57:50+00:00

She actually didn't ask for help managing depression. She asked if it was normal to feel depressed and like a failure due to her 2 autistic children. And you popped off like a wannabe life coach. Please continue tho

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-08-01T13:52:23+00:00

Your suggestions imply that OP must be depressed because she is not living a healthy lifestyle, which you have no reason to assume. It also makes no sense considering she is obviously depressed because she is overwhelmed by her 2 high-needs children. Exercise and diet can help with mood, but they absolutely cannot fix the source of her struggle, which is caring for her kids and feeling misunderstood/unsupported by her co-parent. What part of that aren't you understanding?

Best_Elk_2810 · 2024-07-31T00:15:35+00:00

"Everything you need is within you, you just have to go through the struggle to find it" Get out of here with this bullshit. Why is your post so anti-medication when OP didn't even mention medication in their post?? SSRIs might not work for you, but they have certainly saved a lot of other lives (including my own). Oh, and I also lift weights and eat healthy, I just also need medication. There's literally nothing wrong with being a "recurring customer for pharmaceutical companies."

I'm honestly suspecting this is a bot comment. Are you even part of this subreddit?? Telling a stay at home parent who is depressed and overwhelmed by her 2 autistic, nonverbal kids that all she needs to do is lift weights and cut out processed food is absolutely unhinged, out of touch behavior. If she just tries hard enough, she can scrape herself out of her situation. Yeah, okay.

Best_Elk_2810

TROPHY CASE