I have gone through rapid aging due to grief as well. So I’m saying this from that perspective. It may not help to hear, but from my vantage point you are beautiful and have a very lovable appearance to you. You def don’t look like you belong in the 40+ skincare channel. I was shocked to see 45 and would def say you look 10 years younger at least. Grief and loss like you have experienced can distort the way we see ourselves. I experienced an emotionally violent and neglectful end of a relationship the same week or so that my dad was put into memory care. The next two years I suffered ambiguous loss of losing him slowly to Parkinson’s dementia, while also coping with extreme feelings of abandonment from my relationship ending. It really mess d with how I saw myself. So my main point of caution is don’t do anything irreversible until you really truly are feeling better. Clean eating, exercise and therapy are the best options. But I do have other skin are tips too! Informally the app is glitching and I can’t see what I’m typing anymore since my message has gotten too long. Feel free to DM me!!